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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3 year old being taught to pray at nursery, aibu to not be comfortable with this?

273 replies

arobynw · 07/08/2023 08:44

Hello fellow mums,

Been umming and erring over posting all weekend as religion is such a sensitive subject and I admit that because I don’t follow any religion (atheist), I’m worried I may unintentionally offend someone. If I do, I’m sorry! I’m happy to be educated!

My 3 year old son goes to an amazing nursery and has done since he was 11 months old. They follow an effective curriculum and he has grown and developed so much in their care.

Last week, he moved up to nursery school as he has just turned 3 years old. He has found the move very overwhelming but we expected it as it’s a big move. By Wednesday, we were sat down having a small tea together and I was sure I heard him say “need to say prayers” but that was it. On Thursday, we picked him up early as it was his birthday so we had a proper dinner all together. I had started eating and he told me “no no no no! You haven’t said prayers!” I was confused but asked him to say the prayers. His speech isn’t the clearest yet, but I definitely made out amen at the end.

I haven’t told him not to say prayers or shown to him that I’ve been uncomfortable, just thanked him and ate dinner.

I do not have a problem with people following religion, so long as it’s not forced on anyone who doesn’t wish to follow a religion. I am also fine with my son following a religion if he wishes, however I want him to have the ability to make that informed decision on his own when he is old enough to think for himself.

his nursery is not a CoE nursery and he’s never done prayers here previously so I was quite surprised that he is very clearly saying prayers now. If it was simply saying thanks for food etc I’d be ok with that, but there is definitely a religious theme to the prayers.

there are 24 kids in his room and I don’t want to be awkward and cause a stink or make things difficult for his incredible key workers, but I do feel uncomfortable as I feel like it’s being forced upon him.

is my lack of knowledge in this area the problem rather than what’s happening? Am I being unreasonable? What should I do?

thank you all

OP posts:
WellINever1 · 07/08/2023 08:47

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable.

Needmorelego · 07/08/2023 08:49

Simple thing is to just ask the nursery who is introducing the prayer. It could be another child who does it at home so is the one telling the other children who happen to be sat near them “we have to say our prayer” and the kids copy.

Bananazebra · 07/08/2023 08:49

Sounds rather odd to me! Especially if it's coming from the nursery staff- I wouldn't be happy. Maybe he has a religious friend at nursery.
I think you need to talk to the nursery about it.

Winterscomingagain · 07/08/2023 08:50

Is it possible that they say grace at the nursery.If that's the case you could choose a simple non religious phrase before meals.I'm always amused at how the normal grace thanks God for the food but never thanks the person who made it.

RudsyFarmer · 07/08/2023 08:51

I would just ask the nursery. Doesn’t have to be a big deal. Just enquire when prayers are said and for what reason? Ie is t a the behest of a staff member or company policy?

FloweryName · 07/08/2023 08:52

I wouldn’t be comfortable either an I wonder if this is just something that one of the staff likes doing so she is teaching it to the children when it’s not nursery policy.

Id bring it up at nursery and say you don’t like it. Suggest they say a thank you for their food or think about things they are grateful for, but praying is one of the things that should be saved for at home.

AnSolas · 07/08/2023 08:54

Nope YANBU
religion is 100% a parents choice untill they are old enough to decide for themselves.

So once you have not chosen a placememt which tells you that they follow and pratice the religion you get to veto that pratice.

Just ask them how is DS learning this.
It may be that they say grace with another child and he wants to join but even that should be brought to your attention.

golddustwomen · 07/08/2023 08:54

I wouldn't be comfortable with this either. Speak to the nursery.

Cocopogo · 07/08/2023 08:54

Definitely speak to the nursery. I would not be happy with this

RosaGallica · 07/08/2023 08:55

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drpet49 · 07/08/2023 08:56

Wouldn’t bother me.

CecilyP · 07/08/2023 08:56

Winterscomingagain · 07/08/2023 08:50

Is it possible that they say grace at the nursery.If that's the case you could choose a simple non religious phrase before meals.I'm always amused at how the normal grace thanks God for the food but never thanks the person who made it.

Even if they say grace at nursery, it doesn’t mean OP has to do it at home. OP could just say, that’s for school but we don’t do that.

Singleandproud · 07/08/2023 08:56

I wouldnt like it, but would try and find out if it is coming from a staff member (absolutely not OK) or a child, in which case I'd be OK with it but would explain to DS that saying thanks for the food is a nice thing to do and that thanking the person who made it instead of Amen.

Then if he kept saying it I'd leave him to it, or model my own god-free version and expect it to fizzle out as he got older, my DD is a teen and certainly not doing lots of the things she did at 3.

Oysterbabe · 07/08/2023 08:56

Primary school flashbacks
For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful. Amen.

I know this isn't a thing in most schools these days. Definitely ask nursery about it.

Magneta · 07/08/2023 08:57

Speak to the nursery, find out what their policy is on this.

Also maybe try explaining to him that that's a nursery thing and you don't do it at home. Children usually understand this concept of different "rules" and routines in different settings from an incredibly young age.

MendedDrum · 07/08/2023 08:57

My ILs say grace before meals and I've heard DS trying to copy them - I could well imagine him doing it at nursery and then another kid copying him etc. Definitely worth a gentle enquiry though!

Mummy08m · 07/08/2023 08:58

Needmorelego · 07/08/2023 08:49

Simple thing is to just ask the nursery who is introducing the prayer. It could be another child who does it at home so is the one telling the other children who happen to be sat near them “we have to say our prayer” and the kids copy.

This is the scenario I immediately thought of when I read the op.

No need to go all guns blazing initially. Just ask the teachers if it's being taught. I bet it's coming from a classmate not the teachers. A classmate could have it drilled at home and kids can be very bossy with each other at this age imo

Cowlover89 · 07/08/2023 08:59

Yanbu x

continentallentil · 07/08/2023 09:00

I can see you’d be a bit startled, but if it’s a C of E nursery, then saying Grace before meals is reasonable.

Double check it’s not more than that, and then explain to him that Grace is something that some people do and you don’t.

It’s a good opportunity for him to learn how to move between different cultures. He’s far too young to understand what any of it means.

Sigmama · 07/08/2023 09:02

I think its kinda cute, no different to making wishes or leaving teeth for tooth fairy or present list for santa, it's just another form of make believe

continentallentil · 07/08/2023 09:03

continentallentil · 07/08/2023 09:00

I can see you’d be a bit startled, but if it’s a C of E nursery, then saying Grace before meals is reasonable.

Double check it’s not more than that, and then explain to him that Grace is something that some people do and you don’t.

It’s a good opportunity for him to learn how to move between different cultures. He’s far too young to understand what any of it means.

Oh sorry - I misread and thought you said it WAS C of E

In that case as PPs say it’s probably one of the kids.

Walruswithbraces · 07/08/2023 09:04

Are you in England? Is it a school nursery? As all English schools have to have prayers or time of a "broadly Christian nature" each day. It varies by head/area how this is implemented. But it can be difficult to escape religion entirely.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 07/08/2023 09:09

Just check with the nursery who is doing it and why.

Piranhaha · 07/08/2023 09:09

Unfortunately Christian religion is one of the things that UK schools tend to push on kids, there’s nothing you can do to stop them. My DC goes to a lovely Catholic school but we are atheists. They do tend to push the religion thing on kids of all religions, and they have Muslims, Jews and Jehovahs Witnesses etc in the class too. But I don’t see why my DC should have to go to a lower quality school just because we don’t have Christian beliefs, it’s a state funded school and she’s entitled to attend. So I just tell her it’s all lies and her teacher is silly because she believes in fairy tales. I think this approach is less damaging than moving her to a poor quality school that doesn’t have a religious focus.

ChristmasKraken · 07/08/2023 09:09

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