Page 10 | 3 year old being taught to pray at nursery, aibu to not be comfortable with this?

arobynw · 2023-08-07T07:44:12+00:00

Hello fellow mums, Been umming and erring over posting all weekend as religion is such a sensitive subject and I admit that because I don’t follow any religion (atheist), I’m worried I may unintentionally offend someone. If I do, I’m sorry! I’m happy to be educated! My 3 year old son goes to an amazing nursery and has done since he was 11 months old. They follow an effective curriculum and he has grown and developed so much in their care. Last week, he moved up to nursery school as he has just turned 3 years old. He has found the move very overwhelming but we expected it as it’s a big move. By Wednesday, we were sat down having a small tea together and I was sure I heard him say “need to say prayers” but that was it. On Thursday, we picked him up early as it was his birthday so we had a proper dinner all together. I had started eating and he told me “no no no no! You haven’t said prayers!” I was confused but asked him to say the prayers. His speech isn’t the clearest yet, but I definitely made out amen at the end. I haven’t told him not to say prayers or shown to him that I’ve been uncomfortable, just thanked him and ate dinner. I do not have a problem with people following religion, so long as it’s not forced on anyone who doesn’t wish to follow a religion. I am also fine with my son following a religion if he wishes, however I want him to have the ability to make that informed decision on his own when he is old enough to think for himself. his nursery is not a CoE nursery and he’s never done prayers here previously so I was quite surprised that he is very clearly saying prayers now. If it was simply saying thanks for food etc I’d be ok with that, but there is definitely a religious theme to the prayers. there are 24 kids in his room and I don’t want to be awkward and cause a stink or make things difficult for his incredible key workers, but I do feel uncomfortable as I feel like it’s being forced upon him. is my lack of knowledge in this area the problem rather than what’s happening? Am I being unreasonable? What should I do? thank you all

SleepingStandingUp · 11/08/2023 23:31

Piranhaha · 07/08/2023 09:09

Unfortunately Christian religion is one of the things that UK schools tend to push on kids, there’s nothing you can do to stop them. My DC goes to a lovely Catholic school but we are atheists. They do tend to push the religion thing on kids of all religions, and they have Muslims, Jews and Jehovahs Witnesses etc in the class too. But I don’t see why my DC should have to go to a lower quality school just because we don’t have Christian beliefs, it’s a state funded school and she’s entitled to attend. So I just tell her it’s all lies and her teacher is silly because she believes in fairy tales. I think this approach is less damaging than moving her to a poor quality school that doesn’t have a religious focus.

So presumably when she doesn't do as Miss tells her, and DD tells Miss it's because Miss is silly and tells lies, you're ok with that? You're basically telling her to not believe anything her teacher says or to have any respect for her, and all the other staff in the school

AJK26 · 12/08/2023 00:44

Bless your 3 year old child and May God the Creator keeps guiding him in everything he does not be led astray .

Since your 3 year old started saying grace before eating did something change about him in a bad way or something he said in the prayer that was not good ? Would you rather they teach your child bad behaviour, being criminals, rude to parents and other people than saying a prayer for thanks giving? Which we all must do without even a second thought because yes we are cooking the food for our children but who put that food on earth, who gave us the air to breath for us to be still alive to give food to our children. Most of all who created us and blessed us with our children?

Because l don't see anything wrong about child saying grace , you should be proud of it , that he wants to know who created him and prayer is a way to teach children to turn to God the creator for wisdom and guidance, like it all not we all need that. One day we are all goner answer to Our Creator the Most high God and don't wait until it's late to do so.

zoomingale · 12/08/2023 00:52

AJK26 · 12/08/2023 00:44

Bless your 3 year old child and May God the Creator keeps guiding him in everything he does not be led astray .

Since your 3 year old started saying grace before eating did something change about him in a bad way or something he said in the prayer that was not good ? Would you rather they teach your child bad behaviour, being criminals, rude to parents and other people than saying a prayer for thanks giving? Which we all must do without even a second thought because yes we are cooking the food for our children but who put that food on earth, who gave us the air to breath for us to be still alive to give food to our children. Most of all who created us and blessed us with our children?

Because l don't see anything wrong about child saying grace , you should be proud of it , that he wants to know who created him and prayer is a way to teach children to turn to God the creator for wisdom and guidance, like it all not we all need that. One day we are all goner answer to Our Creator the Most high God and don't wait until it's late to do so.

Jesus fucking christ.

AJK26 · 12/08/2023 01:05

I am surprised that we parents are happy when kids celebrate Halloween, believe in tooth fairy or all that weird stuff but not when our kids are praying? We have to ask ourselves what are we really teaching our children? Are we building our children up or destroying our children because l think what we are doing by stopping our kids to pray or reading the Bible we are damaging our children and there future generations . I know we say our kids are still young to make decisions for themselves whether to pray or not ?

But as parents we can make that decision for them so let's ask ourself if we are making a wrong decision for them that will affect their entire life will we be able to live with it knowing that it was because we stopped our children from praying as decision we make can either build or destroy our children

This is a question for each parents to ask themselves deep down !!!

crushercreel · 12/08/2023 01:38

We have to ask ourselves what are we really teaching our children? Are we building our children up or destroying our children because l think what we are doing by stopping our kids to pray or reading the Bible we are damaging our children and there future generations .

That is a fucking reach and a half.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 12/08/2023 08:27

AJK26 · 12/08/2023 01:05

I am surprised that we parents are happy when kids celebrate Halloween, believe in tooth fairy or all that weird stuff but not when our kids are praying? We have to ask ourselves what are we really teaching our children? Are we building our children up or destroying our children because l think what we are doing by stopping our kids to pray or reading the Bible we are damaging our children and there future generations . I know we say our kids are still young to make decisions for themselves whether to pray or not ?

But as parents we can make that decision for them so let's ask ourself if we are making a wrong decision for them that will affect their entire life will we be able to live with it knowing that it was because we stopped our children from praying as decision we make can either build or destroy our children

This is a question for each parents to ask themselves deep down !!!

What are these damages/disadvantages from growing up without religion?

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 12/08/2023 08:41

AJK26 · 12/08/2023 00:44

Bless your 3 year old child and May God the Creator keeps guiding him in everything he does not be led astray .

Since your 3 year old started saying grace before eating did something change about him in a bad way or something he said in the prayer that was not good ? Would you rather they teach your child bad behaviour, being criminals, rude to parents and other people than saying a prayer for thanks giving? Which we all must do without even a second thought because yes we are cooking the food for our children but who put that food on earth, who gave us the air to breath for us to be still alive to give food to our children. Most of all who created us and blessed us with our children?

Because l don't see anything wrong about child saying grace , you should be proud of it , that he wants to know who created him and prayer is a way to teach children to turn to God the creator for wisdom and guidance, like it all not we all need that. One day we are all goner answer to Our Creator the Most high God and don't wait until it's late to do so.

Would you be equally happy if you child had to worship another god before meals? So they all had to thank Odin for the food?

If not, then can’t you extend that to other people who don’t share your Christian beliefs? If you want to raise you child with a religion then that is up to you, but those of us who don’t also have that right.

TizerorFizz · 12/08/2023 09:28

Faith based schools are often selective. That’s why they do sometimes have better results.They have tiny catchment areas but take churchgoers from all over. My local one doesn’t have great results. In fact some brighter Dc go elsewhere if they can as it’s gone too religious.

JustCarryOnWalkingPast · 12/08/2023 09:31

Bloody hell. The nursery staff is there to take care of the children, to play with them, and get them socialising and learning a few little things. Religion, praying, etc., is not part of it. I'd take my kid out of there straightaway.

JustCarryOnWalkingPast · 12/08/2023 09:34

AJK26 · 12/08/2023 00:44

Bless your 3 year old child and May God the Creator keeps guiding him in everything he does not be led astray .

Since your 3 year old started saying grace before eating did something change about him in a bad way or something he said in the prayer that was not good ? Would you rather they teach your child bad behaviour, being criminals, rude to parents and other people than saying a prayer for thanks giving? Which we all must do without even a second thought because yes we are cooking the food for our children but who put that food on earth, who gave us the air to breath for us to be still alive to give food to our children. Most of all who created us and blessed us with our children?

Because l don't see anything wrong about child saying grace , you should be proud of it , that he wants to know who created him and prayer is a way to teach children to turn to God the creator for wisdom and guidance, like it all not we all need that. One day we are all goner answer to Our Creator the Most high God and don't wait until it's late to do so.

How utterly ridiculous. A person doesn't need to believe in ANY God to be a good, decent person. Morals, manners and decency have nothing at all to do with religion. I'm a non-believer, as are all my family. We're all good, honest, law-abiding, kind people.

painochocolate · 12/08/2023 09:37

It's probably their mates.

Has he been christened? Maybe take him to Sunday school if you think he's interested.

sashh · 12/08/2023 11:55

Are we building our children up or destroying our children because l think what we are doing by stopping our kids to pray or reading the Bible we are damaging our children and there future generations .

I actually think a lot of Bible stories are harmful to children. Old men having sex with their daughters, genecide, slavery, bashing babies heads in and that's just off the top of my head.

Mumto1boyo · 12/08/2023 12:04

Piranhaha · 07/08/2023 10:11

What am I supposed to tell her? That religion is real?

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Don't you have to attend a Catholic Church in order to get into a Catholic school, or have they stopped doing that?
Have you told your child that Santa doesn't exist as well as the tooth fairy?

LouHey · 12/08/2023 13:11

Mumto1boyo · 12/08/2023 12:04

Don't you have to attend a Catholic Church in order to get into a Catholic school, or have they stopped doing that?
Have you told your child that Santa doesn't exist as well as the tooth fairy?

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Kids grow out of believing in imaginary things. Mine were 8 or 9. God went first with all 4 of my kids, DD2 was 5 or 6 when she decided the Bible was a load of rubbish, she believed in Santa until she was nearly 10 though lol.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/08/2023 13:37

IME it depends on the school, @Mumto1boyo and how many catholic pupils they can reasonably expect; those over subscribed will naturally expect to impose more conditions than a less popular place and the same in reverse

Mumto1boyo · 12/08/2023 14:02

Besides I wouldn't laugh at the religious. We aren't all kiddy fiddlers and shove our beliefs down your throats sorts.

pharamondtravel · 12/08/2023 15:02

OMG12 · 11/08/2023 21:31

Exactly encouraging religious intolerance is really not preferable to moving to another school!

send your child to a Catholic school and then complain and belittle people following their faith.

Maybe there’s a reason faith based schools often have. Better results

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Well yeah, they're selective.

OMG12 · 12/08/2023 17:03

pharamondtravel · 12/08/2023 15:02

Well yeah, they're selective.

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Yes based on faith. So why then are they normally better performing

crushercreel · 12/08/2023 17:05

OMG12 · 12/08/2023 17:03

Yes based on faith. So why then are they normally better performing

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Why do you think they are?

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 12/08/2023 17:11

@OMG12 technically because it automatically rules out all the families that can't or won't do things like organising a baptism, attend church, get letters signed etc. It guarantees in some way at least some basic level of parental input and interest. Of course, it won't apply to every child, but overall it would make a difference.

StEtienne93 · 12/08/2023 17:43

I wouldn't be happy about it as im atheist. DD is four and said something the other day about Jesus will save us all 😳 It turns out that our childminder is Christian and she's picked it up from her. I'll leave it be, but only because DD is going to school in September, otherwise I'd probably say something.

barbie3 · 12/08/2023 18:59

Our nursery did do prayers before lunch. C of E primary does to. I hate it because realistically the child can't really opt out and I don't like the indoctrination (the majority of families aren't church goers so I don't get how it is justified). Anyway my children know we don't believe in god and don't pray. They know some others do. Despite nursery and schools best efforts they show no sign of being religious themselves.
Just say "mummy doesn't pray" if your child brings it up again.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 12/08/2023 19:18

barbie3 · 12/08/2023 18:59

Our nursery did do prayers before lunch. C of E primary does to. I hate it because realistically the child can't really opt out and I don't like the indoctrination (the majority of families aren't church goers so I don't get how it is justified). Anyway my children know we don't believe in god and don't pray. They know some others do. Despite nursery and schools best efforts they show no sign of being religious themselves.
Just say "mummy doesn't pray" if your child brings it up again.

Of course they don't, because it doesn't actually work, especially in a multicultural environment(be that at school,at home,or extended social life). More than half of DD's classmates (including her) don't believe and they went to a Catholic primary and going to a Catholic secondary.

TunnocksOrDeath · 12/08/2023 19:29

Jemums32 · 11/08/2023 19:18

@crushercreel As in learning that some people pray before a meal. Really, isn't that hard to understand. Children's curriculum teaches about 'the world around them'. If OP is opposed, then they have every right to intervene. Otherwise let the DC learn other people's values and even (dare we say or think it) try it out, afteralll the parent/main carer is the one that will guide their own child in what they see is best. Let the boy wear a dress if he wants (springs to mind) :)

Learning "about" praying before a meal is very much NOT the same thing as learning that one "Must" pray before a meal, which is what has happened to the OP's child without her consent.

OMG12 · 12/08/2023 20:19

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 12/08/2023 17:11

@OMG12 technically because it automatically rules out all the families that can't or won't do things like organising a baptism, attend church, get letters signed etc. It guarantees in some way at least some basic level of parental input and interest. Of course, it won't apply to every child, but overall it would make a difference.

Well exactly.