To tell the parents of the badly behaved children?

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My 8yo dd had a birthday party at a trampoline park. It was open to the public as well as for specific party bookings. Ten children came, they were in high spirits and enjoying it - great.

I was supervising with dp and the staff. During trampolining three of the girls kept piling up on each other and generally pushing the boundaries, having to be asked to bounce nicely and follow the safety rules etc. Not terrible but maybe a sign of things to come...

After they had an hour of trampolining, we got to the party tea, it was in a separate room. At this stage, after sitting and eating their meal, the three started literally screaming, wrestling and one jumping on the table. The noise could be heard outside and the manager entered and asked that they behave and the screaming stop. My dd and the other girls were upset - they had all been eating their meals and were as fed up with this behaviour as the rest of us. Unfortunately none of the adults (including staff and manager) could convince these kids to stop the screaming and behaving badly.

Throughout the party, the three had also spent their time individually or joining other groups asking to be taken to the loo (separate area) saying they needed it but actually they were just messing around, didn't use the loo and whilst in there had to be told to stop banging on random people's cubicle doors, throwing wads od towels on the floor etc. One in particular also seemed intent on picking on one of the quieter girls (obviously I stopped this).

I know that 8 year olds can get excited, but to behave so badly that my dd didn't enjoy her party (and another child asked 'when will this ruckus end? I want to go home) and a manager had to intervene (his intervention no more effective than dp and I, these kids have zero respect for adults) is that not extreme? I work in a school and their behaviour wouldn't be tolerated at school.

Aibu to tell the parents? Or do I just keep quiet and never invite these kids again?

I'd tell them, but then I'd have called the parents to come and fetch them at the time - I wouldn't expect a constructive response from the parents though. I would still tell them, and refer back to it when there are repercussions next time theres a party and they're not invited. I wouldn't let it go!

I would tell the parents. I would also apologise to the parents of the other children who attended. You don't have to name and shame but check they are all OK particularly the girl who was being picked on. The others may tell their parents anyway but you could save another party from being sabotaged

I would have rung the parents to collect them from the party after the manager intervened.

I think if you didn't mention it to the parents when they picked their kids up, you've probably missed your moment.

Did you threaten to call their parents to pick them up if they didn't start behaving?

Should have called the parents to collect early due to bad behaviour if you and the staff couldn’t stop them screaming then they should have been sent home. Your poor daughter

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear this! Difficult one, but I would want to know if it was my child. Even if it was to keep them away from the other two children. But only you know if the parents are reasonable. I'd probably try to say it in a nice way, like they got over-excited and then state the worst behaviour e.g. jumping on the table and it upset other children there and it wasnt just them, 2 others were over-excited too. If the parent is reasonable you could say to let you know if they want more details. I'd personally want to know the other children so I could keep my child away from them.

Most parents are reasonable, but occasionally it might not be worth it. I had this recently at a soft-play where a girl terrorised my son and my son asked me to talk to her parents. But the parents had just had a full-blown argument with swearing in the soft-play and I could tell they wouldn't care and the situation would escalate. I ended up giving my child quite a chat because I want him to continue telling me things in future, but I decided as we were almost leaving that there was no point confronting the family. So if the parents are like this, I'd still try to tell them, but be extra careful and brush over more. If you've got the right demeanour you could try "Wow, they seemed to get so over-excited that they even jumped on the tables during the meal!"

But, ultimately, I'd just have a good chat with my child about how proud I am that they understand how to behave and that the majority of their friends also behaved impeccably (so if your child is sensitive, she won't feel bad she invited them- especially as their behaviour upset others).

Children will witness unacceptable behaviour from their peers. If it comes naturally in your chat, you could try to work out why she invited these children. But dont dwell and move on if it doesn't come up in a usual chat. E.g. Was the behaviour out of the blue? Or did she feel she "had to" invite the girls because they are popular? Did they try to deliberately upset the party/ your daughter? These aren't necessarily questions you need to ask, but I'd just keep a bit more of an eye out in case this wasn't over-excitement and thoughtlessness, but more of a nasty power-play. Most likely it's the former.

Oh and as others have said, you have slightly missed the moment with collection. So you could try saying it in a "hope your child was okay after being you'd off." Kind of way...

Why on earth did you put up with it especially if it was having such a negative impact on your own daughter's enjoyment of her party?

I would have called them all out of the room and asked them quietly what was going on, asked them to wait outside with me while I called their parents.

If they didn't want that to happen they would have to be quiet and kind to others.

Then give them a choice.

Why on earth did you not nip it in the bud immediately?

I really don't understand wishy washy child guidance if it negatively impacts on others. You are the adult here. You didn't have to shout at them or embarrass them in front of the others but you should have given them quiet guidance that how were behaving was upsetting others.

How are they going to learn or know how to behave at social events in future otherwise?

It takes a village and all that.

These children presumably behave this way at school? How did they get an invite?

They behave like that because of how they are parented. Boundaries at home will be erratic. They probably do it at home as well.

About those saying you should have phoned the parents etc. I'm thinking really you probably had a 2 hour party, 1 hour trampolining. Behaviour only got bad when there was 45 minutes left probably. You were thinking they'd settle down after a few minutes and also didn't want to make a fuss and you did try to intervene and had a lot to process/ think about. I get it. If you'd have phoned all 3 parents it would have resulted in a lot of stress for you, missing your child's party and they would have been collected a few minutes earlier, if that. It's easy reading a post like this and thinking you'd do it differently. But... really.... life isn't like that in the moment. Please don't you feel guilty/ shamed by these posts. You are not in the wrong here.

I think I would still make contact today to say you are just making them aware of some of the issues and the manager coming to talk to them and how you had to speak firmly to them. In case they mention something to parents at a later date. I wouldn't really labour it, spoiling the party etc . Hopefully they'll join the dots themselves.

Absolutely. Your lack of action ruined the party for everyone.

I'd have called the parents during the party and got them collected. I think you've maybe missed the moment now, I wouldn't invite them again.

We told the parent when a kid was bad at my sons party. It did not go down well.

Oh my God, OP, they sound a nightmare. I pity any teacher or group leader who encounters these girls.

Ideally I would have called the parents and asked them to take them home but I'd definitely let them know how they behaved. There could have been an accident to another child or a breakage at the venue.

Think of it like this: if one of these little madams had been injured, I bet the parents wouldn't take it lying down - parents of kids like that never do.

Also...I wouldn't worry about them in terms of being friends with your child. Good riddance - you got an early warning.

YANBU but I doubt it will go down well. The parents will blame you. They will say that they were just being children.

Don’t invite them next year. Tell the victimised girls parents what happened. Tell your child if she ever behaved like that anywhere you would be horrified. Don’t go to their parties.
I’ve only ever once had a child behave really appallingly at a party. She was emigrating the next month so I assumed it was sadness and fear.

I'd have called the parents to collect them early once the manager came in.

Now I'd probably ignore it and never invite them again. Anywhere.

I would speak to all the parents and describe the problem behaviour but don't name anyone. Just say, 'unfortunately a few struggled to cope in the environment and really upset some of the others' ask them to talk to their kid to see if they are OK. Make it a very short phonecalls. The parent will likely read between the lines or kid will fess up. You won't be in the firing line for 'accusing' anyone and never invite the little shits again.

With hindsight saying if you won’t listen I’ll need to call your mum to collect you would have been appropriate.
Failing that explaining when collected about being told off by you and staff.
But it’s difficult and I can understand the thinking just get through it and then at end it’s busy and kids are picked up by someone else and you don’t get chance.
I just wouldn’t invite them ever again.

I’d have called to get them collected and told the parents why.

But at this point just don’t invite them again.

It's difficult now as it's over but I would have called the parents and said they need to be collected as they are behaving badly and refuse to listen to me and the staff at the venue.

Never invite them to your home as a group or individuals or to a party again.

Aibu to tell the parents? Or do I just keep quiet and never invite these kids again?

Are you normally a wet lettuce?