To tell the parents of the badly behaved children?

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My 8yo dd had a birthday party at a trampoline park. It was open to the public as well as for specific party bookings. Ten children came, they were in high spirits and enjoying it - great.

I was supervising with dp and the staff. During trampolining three of the girls kept piling up on each other and generally pushing the boundaries, having to be asked to bounce nicely and follow the safety rules etc. Not terrible but maybe a sign of things to come...

After they had an hour of trampolining, we got to the party tea, it was in a separate room. At this stage, after sitting and eating their meal, the three started literally screaming, wrestling and one jumping on the table. The noise could be heard outside and the manager entered and asked that they behave and the screaming stop. My dd and the other girls were upset - they had all been eating their meals and were as fed up with this behaviour as the rest of us. Unfortunately none of the adults (including staff and manager) could convince these kids to stop the screaming and behaving badly.

Throughout the party, the three had also spent their time individually or joining other groups asking to be taken to the loo (separate area) saying they needed it but actually they were just messing around, didn't use the loo and whilst in there had to be told to stop banging on random people's cubicle doors, throwing wads od towels on the floor etc. One in particular also seemed intent on picking on one of the quieter girls (obviously I stopped this).

I know that 8 year olds can get excited, but to behave so badly that my dd didn't enjoy her party (and another child asked 'when will this ruckus end? I want to go home) and a manager had to intervene (his intervention no more effective than dp and I, these kids have zero respect for adults) is that not extreme? I work in a school and their behaviour wouldn't be tolerated at school.

Aibu to tell the parents? Or do I just keep quiet and never invite these kids again?

The parents won’t be interested. The kids behave like this because it’s how they’ve been brought up. I can think of the exact same types of kids around here and what their parents would say in such a situation and it certainly wouldn’t be “oh goodness I’m so sorry I will ensure I tell them off and it will never happen again”. More like “F off, who the F do you think you are judging my kids, I bet you think you’re better than me just because my kid knows how to have fun at a party, it must have been boring anyway” etc etc. Potentially then followed by months of bitching about you with their gang of mum mates at the school gates.

I agree that it's pointless speaking to these parents. They know their child is badly behaved I'm sure, and you might only get a mouthful of abuse.

The other repercussion I would fear is that the little madams would take it out on your DD for having told their parents.

They sound awful, what did they have to eat? Was it lots of sugar, fizzy drinks etc? I do think you should have done more to sort the behaviour out though. The staff at the centre aren’t there to tell your party guests off during the meal. Two adults for 10 8 year olds isn’t really enough, what would you have done if one of them injured themselves?

If you work in education you should have the skills to deal with this. You let them get away with it for too long & were responsible for them for duration of the party so should have intervened at the first sign.

Has your dd been at a party before where those 3 children were attending too ?
If so how did they behave ?
Are they siblings ?
Have they had parties themselves that your dd and her invitees attended ?
If so how did they behave according to your dd ?
Is there a Queen B leading the other two ?

For everyone saying their families will be awful etc... not necessarily, thats what mob mentality is. People act ways they never would on their own when emboldened by others.

It's like the case of 3 young teen girls who stabbed a 4th girl to death. Two of the girls said 'we didn't know about the knife, the plan wasn't to stab her', one said they thought they where just going to scare her, the other said they thought they where going to steal her headphones and the third said 'well I couldn't have stabbed her if the other two hadn't held her down'. Non of them came from families of murderers though, no one predicted it happening.

If mumsnet is to be believed loads of adult women go along with stuff they dont want without speaking up or saying 'no' still.

They need correcting so they aren't so bold as to think they got away with it and maybe separating out if they act like this around each other regularly. It doesn't automatically mean all 3 kids are already lost causes from a family of reprobates who just scream and throw toilet paper lol.

They where just kids getting loud and messing around at a kids party their parents weren't at.

Ugh. I’d want to know if my kids had behaved like that. Horrible.

Agree that the parents need to be made aware. I'd probably send a text stating what the kids had done and that they had ruined the party for your daughter and the other children. Make sure you tell them that they had been asked to stop by yourselves and by staff but had chosen to carry on.

I'd be devastated if mine had done that and would absolutely want to know.

Invite Ruckus child round for tea they sound nice! I imagine it’s something their parents or grandparent says.
Already a few on here saying oh it’s just kids being loud. Their behaviour sounds way beyond what you’d expect from 8 year olds - screaming, climbing on furniture and throwing paper in toilets. It’s totally unacceptable to not listen to the hosting mum.
If you are used to normal 8 year olds then I’d anticipate a bit of giddiness at a party but expect a child to listen when told eg don’t all bounce on one trampoline it’s not safe, time to sit down and eat party tea.

I'd have probably lost my temper during the party and shouted at them to "start behaving properly, or I'm calling your parents to collect you." Even if ultimately the parents turned up at the same time, it might have calmed them down.

I can understand not mentioning anything at the time of collection, but the longer you leave it now, the more difficult it is going to be.

I'd send the parents a message now saying:

"I didn't say anything at the time of collection on Saturday, as I didn't want to upset my DD any further, but in hindsight I think you know. We were really disappointed in X's behaviour on Saturday. Her and a couple of other girls did A, B and C and were generally very disruptive and rude when even the centre manager tried to get them to behave themselves, which was obviously unfair on everyone else that was behaving themselves. I'm obviously sending this same message to the other girls' parents too so you're all aware of it.

I hope you had a good rest of the weekend and enjoy the rest of the holidays. See you at the school gates in September!"

You'll know whether you want to include the kids again by what responses you get...

"Oh, my previous darling could never do anything like that - you've obviously got the wrong child" = spoilt brat, likely bully, never to be invited again; or

"OMFG, the little shit, I'm so sorry. I'll speak to her about it and get her to apologise." = likely caught up in the excitement / being led by her peers and might learn a lesson from it, so worthy of another try.

2 adults for 10 kids age 8 sounds absolutely fine to me (Brownies ratios are 1 adult to 8 girls for trips and they are same age)
If it’s like trampoline place near us they do a quick safety talk first eg wear socks, only one child per trampoline. All kids go off and bounce. Staff (usually teen) on floor will tell off if unsafe. Parents view from café balcony or can pay to bounce.
Then they round them up to party room. Kids sit and eat/drink and cake/sing happy birthday.
Mum cuts cake and puts in party bags.
Bit more trampolining than shoes on and go home.
Very standard party.
I wouldn’t expect loud screaming, climbing on furniture in party room or trashing toilets and would expect compliance with requests from party mum eg stop screaming. I’d be mortified if mine had behaved like that.

You have my sympathy, OP, because my son's sixth birthday was like this. It was fine when they were in the soft play but, but they ran amok in the party area, which stupidly was on a landing at the top of the main stairs in the local leisure centre. I still can't walk into that atrium without getting flashbacks of a giant inflatable globe being hurled down, scattering random adults and children.

One third of the children formed a feral pack, one third would have liked to join in but were restrained by their parents, and one third were distressed by the carnage. The wild kids parents didn't seem to notice anything unusual about their children's behaviour. Luckily my son doesn't care as long as he gets a caterpillar cake.

I would just never ever invite those kids again.

I'd not be inviting them again (nor any of the kids whose parents did a disappearing act, wtf?!)

Sorry but if that was me i would have got right in their faces at the first sign of trouble and told them if they continued i would be removing them from the area and sticking them in time out, if they continued i would follow through and remove them and then tell them that if it continued i would be ringing their parents, would tell them exactly how terrible their child is behaving and insist they come and remove them, end of. Don't put up with that kind of shite from any child

Did they get a party bag? I would’ve withheld that and then explained when their parents contacted (which they probably would) to ask why their bag had been withheld. Would’ve been given only once they apologised x

We had this around the same age. One awful awful child ruined my DD’s 9th birthday party. I didn’t tell the mum. She got away with it. The behaviour escalated at school into full on bullying of my DD, and my DD felt so angry she wrote a letter to the girl explaining very honestly why they couldn’t be friends including the misdemeanours at the party. The girl faked tears, ran to the headteacher with it and my dd got a detention for bullying her by writing an unkind letter!!!! So trust me, tell the Mum’s, make sure they know their children are ruining things for everyone else. These children clearly need some parenting.

It’s so tricky isn’t it. We had something similar, told them parents who went off in a shouty huff with us (awkward). Admittedly DH could have said it slightly better, I think he was just exasperated and exhausted.

From there on in we always ask parents to stay and I provide a bottle of cola and lemonade.
i would say yes mention it but more at pick up, always amazes me it’s the parents who should stay behind are always the ones who disappear.

You sound absolutely delightful NOT! If children are disrespectful and out of control, ignoring OP and other adults, she can hardly physically restrain them. The kids parents would probably report her for assault. It's the ill behaved children's parents that appear to be abdicating responsibility not OP.

I would say to the other parents but when bringing it up I would say to each parent individually that you have been worried about how to bring this up with them what their child was up to. I would say exact what you said here and say that with management coming in and telling them with out them listening about the shouting ad screaming coming from them. And them not listening and in future due to this behaviour you will not be inviting them again as your child and all other children did not enjoy themselves due to their child’s behaviour. Which was not acceptable.

I'd have messaged the parents during the party to come collect them early. Stuff hosting a bunch of kids that are ruining my own child's party. The enjoyment of nice well behaved kids take priority.

Why do Brits pussy foot around others with shitty behaviour!? Those are the kids and parents I want nothing to do with so wouldn't give two shits about causing offence.

"........always amazes me it's the parents who should stay behind are always the ones who disappear."

This 💯
They're grabbing a break when they can. 😂

Just like the parents who should be at a talk given by a guest speaker who gives great advice at their child's school are always the ones who don't attend.
This is according to my friend who teaches in a primary school.

I would have told them if the behaviour continued then I would be calling their parents to collect them and followed through, I wouldn’t have allowed them to ruin my DD’s birthday. Speak to the parents, it’s not too late, I’d want to know.

Whilst they were under your supervision, you were responsible for the behaviour all of these children, not their parents or the trampoline park, and as such the responsibility was on you to repremand the 3 involved and put an immediate end to their unruly behaviour. If for whatever reason you were unable to then that's a separate issue and you shouldn't accept such a position of responsibility.

Am I the only one with such a voice where if I raise it kids cry and do as I say 🙈 yanbu op tell the parents definitely.