To tell the parents of the badly behaved children?

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My 8yo dd had a birthday party at a trampoline park. It was open to the public as well as for specific party bookings. Ten children came, they were in high spirits and enjoying it - great.

I was supervising with dp and the staff. During trampolining three of the girls kept piling up on each other and generally pushing the boundaries, having to be asked to bounce nicely and follow the safety rules etc. Not terrible but maybe a sign of things to come...

After they had an hour of trampolining, we got to the party tea, it was in a separate room. At this stage, after sitting and eating their meal, the three started literally screaming, wrestling and one jumping on the table. The noise could be heard outside and the manager entered and asked that they behave and the screaming stop. My dd and the other girls were upset - they had all been eating their meals and were as fed up with this behaviour as the rest of us. Unfortunately none of the adults (including staff and manager) could convince these kids to stop the screaming and behaving badly.

Throughout the party, the three had also spent their time individually or joining other groups asking to be taken to the loo (separate area) saying they needed it but actually they were just messing around, didn't use the loo and whilst in there had to be told to stop banging on random people's cubicle doors, throwing wads od towels on the floor etc. One in particular also seemed intent on picking on one of the quieter girls (obviously I stopped this).

I know that 8 year olds can get excited, but to behave so badly that my dd didn't enjoy her party (and another child asked 'when will this ruckus end? I want to go home) and a manager had to intervene (his intervention no more effective than dp and I, these kids have zero respect for adults) is that not extreme? I work in a school and their behaviour wouldn't be tolerated at school.

Aibu to tell the parents? Or do I just keep quiet and never invite these kids again?

I think it’s understandable that you didn’t want to/think of/have time to speak to the parents at the end of the party, especially as you had 3 of them. I would certainly contact the parents and potentially advise that due to their behaviour, you won’t be inviting them to further parties. Then let the other parents know this.

8 year olds being noisy brats! Practically a hanging offence

I wouldn't necessarily say anything to the parents but would have told the kids off at the time and would not invite them to a party again.

I'd have given the kids a bollocking, called their parents and made them stand against the wall in silence until the parents arrived.

I also would have called the parents and asked them to come and collect them as soon as possible. It doesn't really matter than they wouldn't have arrived any quicker than the end of the party – it sets an example to them and all the other kid there that it's not acceptable and there are consequences.

’I thought it best to let you know (child’s name) showed some very naughty behaviour at the party yesterday, jumping on tables, screaming with two friends and not listening to instructions from us or the venue manager. I hope she is ok. If you want more details let me know - for now, we won’t be inviting her to our parties in the future’.

Absolutely ridiculous. Anyone with a modicum of civility or decency would want to know. I would certainly want to know so I could figure out what on earth happened and why they chose to behave so appallingly. I think most decent people would want to know. In my experience, the parents of really badly behaved children know all about their behaviour and then become defensive when called out on it. Goes a long way to explaining why some badly behaved children are the way they are.

You are being far too nice. Proper bollocking and call to parents was needed rather that being utterly wet and getting someone else to intervene which is bloody pathetic.

^^

What red toothbrush said

Have you actually read OPs posts about their behaviour and how it impacted the other children.

I think I would contact the parents of the other children and say you hope they weren’t too upset by the way the 3 other girls behaved and explain that they refused to behave despite your intervention and that of the venue staff . Maybe suggest the girls meet up for a casual picnic in the park one day before going back to school to make up for it, not including the mean girls of course.

This.

I'd have rung the parents if I had children who were spoiling the party for others.

Never invite them again - and I'm sure most of the other girls will never invite them either - tr want to go to their parties when the time comes.

The only times I've ever had to intervene with behaviour this bad, the parents have been abusive when informed of it. Apples and trees etc.

I probably wouldn't bother - I'd make it up to my DD and never invite those kids over again.

OP works in a school, I’m sure she’s more than capable of dealing with kids.

The issue here was that these 3 weren’t the only kids there and it was an open site.

I probably would have phoned their parents and made them sit out separately until the parents came but if the staff, OP and her DH all dealt with them and they were still acting up then it’s obviously not because they were all ‘wet’.

Bollocking the kids and ringing the parents would have more than likely ended in an argument or 3 and ruined her DDs birthday even more and so she had to weigh up her options.

You’ve obviously never worked with kids and so you cannot call OP pathetic.

This

I don't blame OP for not telling parents at pick up. I have also had bad reactions from parents so stopped bothering ... I also stopped inviting their children anywhere ever again.

Sadly, there are too many parents who will defend their children's horrendous behaviour rather than admit they did anything wrong, or blame everyone and everything else for their child's poor choices. It's exhausting. And it happens at school All. The. Time.

How would you have made them stand against the wall in silence?

Seriously, all the posters saying they would have 'made' the kids do this and that are being unrealistic. On that count, the OP could have 'made' them stop misbehaving! Same for anyone saying she was wet or weak - she was probably too busy trying to make sure her own DD and the other guests were ok while hoping the 3 naughty ones would stop.

My DS1 would have used that word at 8 (or even younger). He's autistic, hyperlexic and sounded like a little professor at primary school. It's not particularly uncommon for neurodivergent children to speak and develop differently. Alternatively, perhaps that child has parents who are very language-focused and has acquired a wide vocabulary at home. Again, that isn't uncommon.

I’ve known 3 sisters all 2 years apart in age who’ve been naughty and the middle one was naughtiest of all.

Their DF who was bringing them up as a single parent would definitely have wanted to know if they’d behaved that badly. I don’t think they ever did as they were well brought up.

I do think it’s wishy washy parenting but luckily the DF here didn’t like screaming and messing around but he knew it obviously did happen sometimes.

And yes to no future invitations.

Agree that the best time to tackle it would have been immediately. But what's done is done. In my experience though, the parents of very badly behaved children will not accept that their little angels could ever have been naughty. At least you'll know who is most definitely not getting an invitation next year.

Sorry you had to deal with this, I would really struggle to deal with this kind of situation OP. Me and other parents complain that where we live there are no soft play or trampoline parks but actually it means that families tend to book parties at venues in the next town and people bring their own kids and hang around for a coffee, so luckily this sort of situation tends to be avoided. I can't believe kids go from normal to this kind of behaviour without having past form and I don't judge parents if their kids have behaviour issues but I do judge them if they know their children act up and they then leave other people to deal with it. One of mine has additional needs and I make make sure I'm discretely near by (age 9) in case they get upset at the noise, or anything really as they are socially younger than their age. You tend to find birthday gatherings get smaller and smaller over time so hopefully your daughter might not even want to invite them all next time.

Crazy!
Clearly people suggesting this have no idea about how to deal with feral children- It’s not the Army ( Sadly).

Discipline is falling
Was walking today and saw an awful group of mixed aged girls being accompanied, while screeching, screaming and shouting “ I’m annoying “ while the adults looked oblivious.

Looked like a ringleader kid whipping up the others.

Not particularly helpful now but I think it would have been better to have contacted the parents as soon as it was clear the behaviour wasn't going to rein in, and asked them to collect their children.

I remember years ago, back in the 70's, I had a party (I was maybe 7 or 8) and had invited several children from my class. A couple of them kept jumping on the furniture and generally being naughty. They were asked to behave. They didn't. My dad told them that if they didn't behave, he'd take them home. They still didn't.
He got their coats and took them home.

Surprised parent opened the door and said "Oh, the party finished early"
My dad said, "No, the party's still going, but they wouldn't behave so I brought them home."
Don't know what happened as he didn't hang around after dropping them off.
They weren't invited to any more parties of mine.

I'm sorry, I've only read your posts so apologies if this has been said. You absolutely should have mentioned the behaviour to th parents. Unfortunately, I think it's too late now - you just look petty adnd small minded and you turn it into a huge deal by saying something after the fact. The way to handle it was, when the parents arrived, to say, "I'm afraid that Betty, Mary and Penny were very badly behaved and we had a few incidents where we had them upsetting other children and some significant intervention from staff..." then explain the incidents.

I don't really understand why you didn't say something at the time? Honestly, this is how so many children land up being so badly behaved as they grow older - I'd probably have shouted at them at the time, AND said something to the parents.

This is the problem.
Children whose parents just don’t care- Same with badly behaved dogs.
A very long established rescue centre says “ If the children are well behaved, chances are any dog owned by the potential adopter will be, too.

Basic routine and order.

My kids are older now, and the ones who were nightmares at that age generally had either parents who didn't give a damn, or at the other extreme, parents who had adopted that peculiarly wet middle class gently gently approach and would have been stunned to learn that Casper-he's-very-advanced-for-his-age was a proper little shit who terrorised the rest of year 3, and at most would have asked him how he "felt" about that, read a reassuring academic paper on passive parenting and done precisely nothing else.

My point is that there's nothing to be achieved by saying anything at all because you'll be talking to a brick wall either way, and the other kids will vote with their feet, so to speak, and the monsters will find that the invitations dry up. They're now old enough to pick their guest lists rather than having whole class parties, so the problem won't occur again anyway.