To tell the parents of the badly behaved children?

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My 8yo dd had a birthday party at a trampoline park. It was open to the public as well as for specific party bookings. Ten children came, they were in high spirits and enjoying it - great.

I was supervising with dp and the staff. During trampolining three of the girls kept piling up on each other and generally pushing the boundaries, having to be asked to bounce nicely and follow the safety rules etc. Not terrible but maybe a sign of things to come...

After they had an hour of trampolining, we got to the party tea, it was in a separate room. At this stage, after sitting and eating their meal, the three started literally screaming, wrestling and one jumping on the table. The noise could be heard outside and the manager entered and asked that they behave and the screaming stop. My dd and the other girls were upset - they had all been eating their meals and were as fed up with this behaviour as the rest of us. Unfortunately none of the adults (including staff and manager) could convince these kids to stop the screaming and behaving badly.

Throughout the party, the three had also spent their time individually or joining other groups asking to be taken to the loo (separate area) saying they needed it but actually they were just messing around, didn't use the loo and whilst in there had to be told to stop banging on random people's cubicle doors, throwing wads od towels on the floor etc. One in particular also seemed intent on picking on one of the quieter girls (obviously I stopped this).

I know that 8 year olds can get excited, but to behave so badly that my dd didn't enjoy her party (and another child asked 'when will this ruckus end? I want to go home) and a manager had to intervene (his intervention no more effective than dp and I, these kids have zero respect for adults) is that not extreme? I work in a school and their behaviour wouldn't be tolerated at school.

Aibu to tell the parents? Or do I just keep quiet and never invite these kids again?

Are you normally rude and inappropriate?

Absolutely this.

I don’t understand why you had so much tolerance for their behaviour. Messing around in the toilets after being asked not to would have resulted in me removing them from the party and asking their parents to collect them. I would not have let them rejoin the fun after that

Definitely tell the parents. Parents like this always see their children as victims when the invites stop. In some cases it's learnt behaviour from being out alone with teen cousins/siblings.

As PP suggested, yes it is correct that the really bad behaviour happened in the second hour of the party - by which point it would have been difficult to call the parents, as they wouldn't have arrived much sooner to collect than if not called.

I didn't tell the parents on collection, as I was trying to keep what little enjoyment my dd may have had - having an open conversation with the parents, which may have been volatile, would have spoiled it even further.

To be clear, there wasn't really 'wishy washy' about the adults. These children were misbehaving whether it was me, dp, the staff or the manager speaking to them. They simply had no respect for adults and rules.

I too feel sorry for their teachers.

I have spoken again with dd who is a bit happier today, thanks for the previous suggestions. She is still upset by their behaviour and agrees they won't be invited in future, but she can see some happier parts of the party (the start!) even if it was spoiled overall. I guess it's a life lesson in people for her, avoid the wrong'uns.

I don’t think Op is unusual in not raising it on day. It’s a short time ,you are busy and just trying your best.
If you do try and say something it’s awkward. You don’t know how patents will react. They may be defensive, they may brush it off - oh they are all like that on sugar - it takes a lot of guts to actually say 7 were well behaved 3 inc yours was an absolute horror.
My experience is word will get around, probably not only party behaved like that and they just won’t be invited again. It gets easier as parties get smaller.

This. I did have to tell one boy at one of our parties that if he didn’t change his behaviour I would phone his parents. In another case (an adopted child with serious food issues- think taking vast quantities and stealing it from other plates) I just managed it by sitting next to him and preventing him from hitting other kids.

Literally removing them from the party also wasn't an option - I couldn't ask the manager for a room to lock them in. It was hard enough stopping them from running off, I know I can't physically apprehend them.

We had to keep asking them to behave and then counting down until the parents arrived, we had to keep them contained in the room.

I said something to a parent once after her child’s hideous Verruca Salt behaviour (girls were about 10 so not toddlers). I wished I hadn’t still know the mum it made no difference to anything really.

I felt I had to say something as the girl had had a massive tantrum after Dh said she couldn’t have something in a shop so felt I needed to get ahead of the kid saying anything to the mum when she got home.

I wouldn't invite them again but I think you'll only cause hassle for yourself if you say anything. Well behaved kids don't act like this even when behaving badly. These kids won't behave anywhere. Their parents already know.

I would want to know if this had been my DC. Tell them

I too would have called the parents to pick up early and would have taken them out of the party area and sat separately with them until the parents arrived leaving the other children to eat and enjoy the party. If the parents are decent people they will be mortified as I would be. Telling the parents now is a bit like shutting the barn door after the horse has escaped. Put them on your shit list for future parties and play dates.

How does that work though? There’s Op and Dh there to supervise all the children.
If Op sits out with them there’s DP and 7 kids. Plus Op may have needed to cut cake and put in party bags and actually see her own child at her party.
Plus safety logistics of keeping 3 kids who don’t listen to you safe in reception area etc. What if they run off or say they need toilet. They clearly weren’t listening to Op.

Absolutely you should tell the parents. The children are 8 years old and certainly old enough to know better than this.

Of course removing them from the party was an option. You don't need a room to lock them in either, don't be dramatic. Your DP was helping to supervise the others. So there were two of you. Three if you count the manager.

You could have taken them off the equipment, sat them down and sat with them insisting they behaved while you called their parents for as early a pick up as possible. You and the manager needed to be much more forthright and blunt with them, and much more on it.

Even if early pick up wasn't possible, I would have made them sit it out and I wouldn't have taken any nonsense from them.

They are probably used to wishy-washy parenting.

It might be worth putting it to each parent on the footing that maybe the other two are a bad influence on their child. That way it will look less judgmental and might just have a good effect if that is the explanation in relation to any of them.

Quite! I don't think there was much OP could do at that point. I love how in MN land people tell badly behaved children what to do and they just do it. If only these people worked in schools it would make life so much easier. No more behaviour issues to deal with.

If you told a child they had to sit out and they point blank refused, how would you make them do it?

I can almost hear the pitch those children reached.

Why do they do it? Generally it seems to be girls of 8 or 9. Not happy playing squeals, but serious, high pitched blood curdling screaming. It's hideous.

I would have removed 3 girls, rang their parents and told them to pick them up. If could get their parent then myself, dh and mil would have taken one each and made them sit out and stay seperate

I wouldn't have let them in the party room. They would have sat outside separated and had their food separately

Of course you should tell the parents. As a parent I would want to know. I was at a party once where a similar thing happened. After a couple of warnings, the children were separated from the rest of the party - and the parents called to come and collect hem.

The difficulty of separating them was that the space outside the party room was busy with other members of the public, no seating etc. The entrance/exit was also there. So removing would have meant corralling them in that space, they had already climbed over the party room furniture, in a public area was likely to be even worse.

I do agree with pp, that realistically these parents know their kids are badly behaved. The other 7 children were well behaved, it's parenting and respect.

Chances are that the parents wouldn't have answered their phones, let alone come and collected their child.

But I would make sure that the others parents knew about your experience....and were warned about inviting them to any parties for their DC.

100% tell the parents!! I’d be mortified if this was my children! I have once been the other parent, my usually well behaved child became overwhelmed and was being an absolute tit!! It was at a party where I was there and after a telling off, he played up again so I removed him from the party. Lesson learnt! If he was ever like this when I wasn’t there I would want to know!

sorry your daughters party got ruined!