To tell the parents of the badly behaved children?

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My 8yo dd had a birthday party at a trampoline park. It was open to the public as well as for specific party bookings. Ten children came, they were in high spirits and enjoying it - great.

I was supervising with dp and the staff. During trampolining three of the girls kept piling up on each other and generally pushing the boundaries, having to be asked to bounce nicely and follow the safety rules etc. Not terrible but maybe a sign of things to come...

After they had an hour of trampolining, we got to the party tea, it was in a separate room. At this stage, after sitting and eating their meal, the three started literally screaming, wrestling and one jumping on the table. The noise could be heard outside and the manager entered and asked that they behave and the screaming stop. My dd and the other girls were upset - they had all been eating their meals and were as fed up with this behaviour as the rest of us. Unfortunately none of the adults (including staff and manager) could convince these kids to stop the screaming and behaving badly.

Throughout the party, the three had also spent their time individually or joining other groups asking to be taken to the loo (separate area) saying they needed it but actually they were just messing around, didn't use the loo and whilst in there had to be told to stop banging on random people's cubicle doors, throwing wads od towels on the floor etc. One in particular also seemed intent on picking on one of the quieter girls (obviously I stopped this).

I know that 8 year olds can get excited, but to behave so badly that my dd didn't enjoy her party (and another child asked 'when will this ruckus end? I want to go home) and a manager had to intervene (his intervention no more effective than dp and I, these kids have zero respect for adults) is that not extreme? I work in a school and their behaviour wouldn't be tolerated at school.

Aibu to tell the parents? Or do I just keep quiet and never invite these kids again?

Difficult. The only option in my view were to tell them at the time that if they continued this behaviour they wouldn't be invited again.

My very limited experience of this involved a parent who was even more badly behaved, and I did complain to her but it didn't make any difference.

I would have told parents either on collection or via txt once at home

And taken the 3 to the side and told them to behave or would go home

Yes I get it was later part of party but need to have boundaries

They ruined your dd party

Wonder what they are usually like
As assume dd likes them and why invited

I not sure I would bother telling the parents after it happened as I doubt it’ll make much difference but I definitely wouldn’t be inviting them again.

I would have definitely threatened to ring their parents but apart from that it is difficult to control someone else’s child who isn’t your own, let alone 3.

Its all well and good saying I’d ask them to sit out but if they’re not listening and with limited staff available then it’s not always possible to do.

If you have the time/money/space I would consider having a mini party at home and invite the others and explain to the parents that no presents or anything is needed and it’s just because the other party didn’t go quite to plan.

I'd have had one of the adults sit with them in reception and called their parents to collect them early as their behaviour was atrocious.

An 8yo used the word rukus? 🙄

We had this situaton years ago at my son's 7th b-day party. Two boys (whom I'd never met - they were 'new' friends) were totally out of control, leaving half the other kids (incl the birthday boy) in tears. With another hour or so of the party to go, I called both parents to collect their kids. One didn't answer her phone, but the other mum was mortified and arrived 15 mins later - she took both home. Turns out her son had just recently started on medication and it hadn't 'settled' yet. We never heard from the other parent.

@Crunchymum yes, it was one extreme to another, a seriously unimpressed 'ruckus' child counting down the minutes and the three who were behaving in a feral way.

I think if your own dch are generally well- behaved and prepared to listen to you then it's hard to know quite what to do when faced with totally unreasonable behaviour and when you don't want to rock the boat any further for everyone else. I had a little boy over to tea. He threw food across the room. He was a bit older than DS and I knew his parents had split and he had a new (very young) step mum. He wouldn't listen to me when I told him it's not how to behave. I didn't have the heart to tell his stepmum when she collected him - doubtless he was like this at home. As others have said, the parents know.

I had a nice mum who rang to ask how her Dd behaved. Sadly the answer was pretty badly but not bad enough to tell ring and tell her but seeing as she asked…!

Definitely tell, I’d want to know!!!

Just don't invite them again. Completely pointless telling parents how awful their kids behaviour was. All it will do is cause extreme awkwardness at best and open hostility at worst. Worry about your own kids.

If they weren't a good friend I'd just never invite again.

I once had an issue with a child my son seemed very fond of. I did speak to his mother at collection time and she shared with me that he was having a SN diagnosis. I asked her to share with me anything I needed to know for future visits to help with the challenges and she did. The boys remained friends for many years after.

And as for the 'I'd want to know' crowd I'd love to be there when their kids are accused of ruining a party. I suspect 'oh my goodness I'm so glad you told me that' would not be their first stop.

Never have these ferals in your home or at a party again.

Horrendous behaviour and the parents would probably have given you a mouthful if that’s how their children behave.

Im sorry for your daughter to have had her party ruined by these kids.

I’m still stuck on the part that a child could be so middle class to use the word ‘ruckus’

misses point of thread..

I do think kids should be able to be asked to leave though if they are ruining other peoples experience.

I would have called the parents and asked them to collect their dd early.
There's a good chance that they will be one of those parents who are in denial and get defensive but saying nothing ruins things for everyone else and Idgaf if these parents are pissed off with me.
Discussing behaviour days/weeks later is pointless. It should have been done when they wouldn't calm down, when they were collected or you should have texted them after the party with the excuse that you didn't want other parents overhearing.

What did you actually do, just ask them to stop? Did you raise your voice or say they wouldn't get cake?

What a nightmare. I'd be calling the parents.

Out of interest, how did you get them to stop picking on a child if you couldn’t get them to do / stop doing anything else?

I'm not sure why you didn't tell the parents at collection. It didn't need to be a big drama, just 'the manager had to intervene due to some uncontrollable behaviour' would have been enough for any sensible parents to get the message and ask what happened.

Too late to raise it now but they should be firmly on your sh*tlist for any and all future events.

I agree! I love the word ruckus, but couldn't imagine a scenario where it emerges from the mouth of any child of mine.
I'd be taking notes from the parents!

I'd imagine it depends on what they read and what their parents are like. The child could be one of those kids who aren't allowed screens so speak in quaint, wholesome terms rather than using more usual terms like kicking off or riot.

If it was my kid I would want to know as they would not be getting the privilege of going to the next party and would be appropriately disciplined

I doubt they will get asked to anyone else's party going forward