Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

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How would you feel in this scenario? You organise a major family holiday overseas for DH plus 2 teens, highlight of which is a day trip to visit one of the wonders of the world. So a big deal in terms of something really special to enjoy together as a family - a once in a lifetime thing. When we park, DH walks so fast towards the attraction which is about a 5 min walk, that I cant possibly keep up with him as I cant walk at same pace (im a regular speed walker, he insists on getting everywhere ultra fast to the point he will barge his way through people) and have to dodge others using the same path. Our teens are able to keep up with his pace and as theyre increasingly taking cues from his behaviour they zoom ahead at speed at DH's pace, meaning Im tagging along behind. Im about 60 seconds behind them & i can see theyve almost reached the spot where theyll see the landmark for the first time - an experience a family would naturally want to share right? I call out for them to wait - my DH turns, sees that im only moments behind them and carries on to the main lookout point and they take in their first view of it without me. I get there a minute later and i feel so upset that i wasnt able to witness their reaction to seeing this incredible landmark which was the highlight of our whole trip. I ask DH why he didnt wait for me and he says 'you were slower than us, youre here now so it doesnt matter', completely oblivious to why id be upset that wed missed this shared family moment. He has often walked way ahead of me - like at airports - which ive always found pretty inconsiderate and rude. He says he just wants to get there and its not his fault if i 'walk slowly' (which i dont, he just zooms everywhere). This has left me feeling really overlooked and disregarded - I had arranged the whole trip (somewhere he wanted to go) and what really hurts is not just that he didnt even consider that this is something we were all doing together - its not 'together' if you leave someone behind - but that his behaviour is encouraging the same lack of consideration in our kids, who were so focussed on keeping up with him virtually sprinting down the street that they didnt wait for me either (which is to be expected as he was driving the behaviour). He had seen the landmark twice before too. He genuinely feels i have no reason at all to be offended or upset by what happened. I feel ive been robbed of a special family moment. I know that walking ahead is often mentioned as a common narcissistic personality trait. He does show some other elements around control etc and im now thinking is this behaviour designed to emphasise his role as the 'in charge' person, who doesnt feel the need to compromise to show consideration for others? And that walking together in a group gives off some kind of air of equality that they cant deal with? AIBU for feeling really upset about this? Its left me in tears

That's fine as there's two groups - no one is being left alone. But if there was one person walking slowly alone (despite them walking at their fastest pace), it wouldn't be fine. Completely different situation.

I've heard this complaint from people before about thier partners.

One thing I've noticed is, for the best part, the "faster" walker initially walks ahead and then keeps a consistent distance ahead. Which means they are walking at the same speed.

I've heard that it's painful to not walk fast before too (seems to be the explanation given as to why a partner needs to walk ahead). However, never heard a reason given as to why it's possible walk at the same speed while ahead but not sure by side.

I'm a faster walker than my partner and although I appreciate I am the one that has to slow down I do find it frustrating as I feel like my fitness is deteriorating as a result. (I don't unfortunately have many other opportunities for exercise in my life)

I do a lot of walking for pleasure, dog walking etc and when we walk together I am simply not getting any fitness benefits, so unfortunately it is a consequence to my health...my resting heart beat and blood pressure are a little increased as a result of this change.

There are some studies on this that say couples tend to walk more slowly together but health is a consequence of this and ideally it would be better if both walked at the pace of the faster person. I know this isn't really a reasonable expectation and I don't want my partner to be uncomfortable so of course I walk more slowly, but yeah I do feel I am losing out a bit.

I go on some walks separately now to try to retain my fitness.

My DH is a fast walker, usually he slows down and walks with the me. The times he wants to rush of ahead and walk fast - he can but I'm going to get where we're going in my own sweet time and enjoy the scenery.

We've had days out where DH and DD storm ahead eager to get to the landmark and I refuse to walk at their pace as it's uncomfortable for me and I'll arrive at rushed, hot and brothered. Therefore I've learnt to go at my pace and enjoy. I refuse to rushed and the more they try, the more I resist.

I'm with you, OP.
I've had two different boyfriends on two different holidays walking just fast enough to stay a step or two ahead of me. They both got huffy when I mentioned it, and furious when I didn't follow them.
In Viet Nam I saw that only the other westerners walked around like that, while the locals always walked two abreast, usually in the road, undaunted by the traffic.
In the Netherlands I saw couples holding hands while they cycled abreast, while my boyfriend was so insistent on riding just ahead of me that he toppled a wheelie bin over onto me and cycled on, oblivious, while I picked myself and the bin off the ground.
Neither relationship survived the holidays.

Now, somebody would pull this stunt with me precisely once and I would never speak to them again. Manipulating others like that is a very quick way of breaking friendships.

OP, I have some sympathy and you don’t seem to be well suited. I loathe being around slow walkers and would have to mentally steel myself to slow down and accept that it had been rather spoiled for me. I would tend to check with someone what their preferred pace is: (e.g. in an Art Gallery) and I would expect them to agree to meet up if there was a discrepancy.

I think you have really taken it to heart and attributed meaning to his walking ahead that isn’t there. On the other hand, it is equally OK for you to say “I’m doing this at my pace, and if you have to wait at the end, then I don’t care.” Perhaps experiencing you putting yourself first occasionally wouldn’t do any harm.

My DP is a very fast walker. I'm pretty fast too, but he's faster, and can bolt off ahead without realising it, especially when he's keen to get somewhere. Difference is, when he realises he's left me behind, he doubles back and apologises. If he does it repeatedly on the same trip, he'll ask to hold hands. He would never have gotten to just before a viewing point, realise I'm a way back, and carried on without me.

He’s meant to be her husband, he’s meant to love and cherish her, but she’s self entitled because she expects him to walk with her?! Note that it was a holiday that HE wanted but she, the ‘self entitled’ one, booked and arranged it all, but it’s too much to expect him to enjoy as a family and walk with her?
Jesus fucking Christ.

My dh used to do this. When i raised it he would express frustration at my walking so slowly. We then walked places together less and less regularly, stopped taking walks together as a couple as i would lose my breath and end up sweaty, but i pointed out to him that, as a pp mentioned, he wouldn't behave this way with others and that it was like he was trying to train me or belittle me. When we do walk together now I wear my less active footwear to slow me down more. I think of this when I'm walking with my mum. She's always been so slow but I would never have been so disrespectful.

Well I’m your position, if he did this, I’d go off on my own, not rush along behind him like a homeless dog. He’s chosen to fuck off on his own, so I’d go do my own thing too (and make sure I had the car keys with me).

*in your position

Most of these posts have put into words how I also feel when walking with DH. I forgive him because, despite how he loves me, he's fucking odd and how I just walk at my pace on my own with a podcast.

OP - my heart sunk when I read your post. How utterly dejected you must have felt. I don't think I could stay quiet about it to be honest.

It doesn't happen to him.. so how can he know.

Also it upsets YOU and that should matter to him. Plus he should be putting forward an example for his children on how to treat your partner.

Dh walks fast. I hate it. He says I'm a slow walker. Compared to him I am. Compared to most other people I've gone on a walk with I'm pretty normal. However dh does slow down when I say too fast slow down.

For those people remarking about dawdlers, my ex had much longer legs and a very long stride length. He used to walk ahead and I wasn't dawdling at all. To keep at his pace I used to have to actually run. This isn't very practical. I now see his charging ahead as a symptom of his lack of care for the relationship in general, which became evident later.

because I found my love of walking with my husband I’m naturally a pretty quick walker myself now, I walk alone for fitness as found it not as enjoyable walking with much slower friends, just felt weird to walk at such a pace and hardly increase your heart rate, so easier to go for my own and enjoy mooching around national trust type places with friends instead - best of both worlds then.

Very very rude to walk ahead of you OP not a nice feeling at all 😐

My ex did this, he was a narcissistic prick. Would even do it at 1am in the morning when we were walking home from the pub and there were areas without lighting. If I did catch up he would walk quicker, it was like he couldn't bear to be seen with me. Just weird af.

I walk faster than my current partner but I do slow down and apologise and we discuss it like oh no you go ahead etc etc.

A French bloke told me that you should let the woman go first everywhere except restaurants, and I think you've just explained the reason for that rule of etiquette.
I also think you're right that the important thing is the intention of the person who's striding ahead.
I hope OP stands her ground and doesn't listen to any nonsense about how he just has to rush off ahead because he's a fast walker.

I’d be on your DHs side here, there’s nothing worse than a slow walker. It’s painful to slow down my walking speed so I’m assuming it’s the same for everyone else.

I wonder how these fast walkers manage when they have small children. Surely they walk slower then?

How disappointing for you OP. I would also have wanted to see my DC's reaction to a special view. (Grand Canyon? Petra?)
Your DH striding ahead is thoughtless.
My DP tends to walk ahead, and more than once I have stayed back and gone in a shop (or something) with DC, and he hasn't noticed.

I agree. And the emphasis on shared family moments, robbed of a special family moment, missed seeing the look on their faces seems way OTT.

If I were married to you I could take on board being told I walk too fast but I'd most likely be "completely oblivious to that you'd be upset that we'd missed this shared family moment" and I'd think you were being a drama llama.

They probably the ones that don't notice their kid is crossing the road several seconds behind them and oblivious to the danger they put them in.

I tend to walk faster than my DH and will just stop and wait for him to catch up. If we were aiming for a viewpoint I would wait for him so I think your DH either doesn't get you wanted to do that or is trying to make a point that he is in control.

My husband does this too OP.

He also made our engagement, wedding, home purchase, and birth of our child all about him. He’s more self involved than I could ever express because it’s all in these small ways like walking in front of you, so you end up feeling petty if you get upset about it.

Deliberately leaving you behind even though he knows it makes you unhappy is unpleasant behaviour. I would not be happy with this at all especially as your dc are copying.

my ldh used to do this a lot but it wasn’t done on purpose. He used to get frustrated with the speed at which our walking group was walking and we weren’t slow so off he’d zoom, plus I think it helped him manage his hyperactivity.

on family walks he’d still do the same but after me having a word because it used to piss me off he became far more considerate, he took himself off for lone walks for miles where he could walk fast to his hearts content if he needed to.

An ex of mine used to do this, and sneer at me if I couldn’t keep up, he loved walking 10 feet ahead with the kids and then they’d be having private jokes and sniggers at my expense as I walked up. Bastard.