Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

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How would you feel in this scenario? You organise a major family holiday overseas for DH plus 2 teens, highlight of which is a day trip to visit one of the wonders of the world. So a big deal in terms of something really special to enjoy together as a family - a once in a lifetime thing. When we park, DH walks so fast towards the attraction which is about a 5 min walk, that I cant possibly keep up with him as I cant walk at same pace (im a regular speed walker, he insists on getting everywhere ultra fast to the point he will barge his way through people) and have to dodge others using the same path. Our teens are able to keep up with his pace and as theyre increasingly taking cues from his behaviour they zoom ahead at speed at DH's pace, meaning Im tagging along behind. Im about 60 seconds behind them & i can see theyve almost reached the spot where theyll see the landmark for the first time - an experience a family would naturally want to share right? I call out for them to wait - my DH turns, sees that im only moments behind them and carries on to the main lookout point and they take in their first view of it without me. I get there a minute later and i feel so upset that i wasnt able to witness their reaction to seeing this incredible landmark which was the highlight of our whole trip. I ask DH why he didnt wait for me and he says 'you were slower than us, youre here now so it doesnt matter', completely oblivious to why id be upset that wed missed this shared family moment. He has often walked way ahead of me - like at airports - which ive always found pretty inconsiderate and rude. He says he just wants to get there and its not his fault if i 'walk slowly' (which i dont, he just zooms everywhere). This has left me feeling really overlooked and disregarded - I had arranged the whole trip (somewhere he wanted to go) and what really hurts is not just that he didnt even consider that this is something we were all doing together - its not 'together' if you leave someone behind - but that his behaviour is encouraging the same lack of consideration in our kids, who were so focussed on keeping up with him virtually sprinting down the street that they didnt wait for me either (which is to be expected as he was driving the behaviour). He had seen the landmark twice before too. He genuinely feels i have no reason at all to be offended or upset by what happened. I feel ive been robbed of a special family moment. I know that walking ahead is often mentioned as a common narcissistic personality trait. He does show some other elements around control etc and im now thinking is this behaviour designed to emphasise his role as the 'in charge' person, who doesnt feel the need to compromise to show consideration for others? And that walking together in a group gives off some kind of air of equality that they cant deal with? AIBU for feeling really upset about this? Its left me in tears

Of course you are not unreasonable OP.

There are so many utterly ridiculous twatty responses in this threat that are laughable. I think my favourite nonsense was the one who thought it was okay to power ahead for cardio vascular fitness reasons. Fuck me, as if they couldn't just do a bit of exercise separately to walking with their partner 😂

You're asking for basic respect, consideration and love.

He knew very very well that sharing this moment was important to you and he purposefully stole that moment with your kids even after being called back. A moment that can never be replaced.

He did it to hurt you. Don't waste your life on someone who doesn't even like you and revels in your pain.

What did he say when you asked why he hadn’t waited when you called out?

Feels like you may have to write off his behaviour as something you can’t change - you’ve still got time with the kids though.

Talk to them ahead of time and regularly about respecting others within a group situation, and keeping aware of and working with group dynamics. Particularly about keeping track of the ‘weakest’ or most vulnerable in any group situation.

These are good social skills to have and help develop good team players and is a key component of leadership skills - if you need to widen the conversation to more than ‘why Mum is upset’.

Their future spouses, children, co-workers and friends will all thank you.

If you’ve ever had a really good manager or a really bad manager at work you’ll know that monitoring and working with team dynamics and treating different team members as individuals with specific needs helps the whole team thrive or fail.

You have every right to be upset OP. It's rude and disrespectful. I feel your pain. My husband raced ahead of me as we were entering a wedding reception recently. He was about 20 steps ahead of me as I was wearing heels and it honestly looked as though we arrived separately. It's embarrassing and makes you feel worthless.

This is probably true when going for a walk - though somebody needs to be responsible for nobody being left behind/hurt. This situation is different though. On holiday walking to an attraction I’d expect people to be strolling, chatting and looking at the surroundings - just generally taking in the place and atmosphere.

See, that’s just not the case. When actually walking - a walking group - the pace should be set by the slowest member. I was taught this when I did DofE. It’s for safety, primarily, but I don’t see why it doesn’t apply the rest of the time.

I agree with this. I was thinking more of going for a walk and this situation is different.

I was intending to reply to this in my post above.

I fully sympathize. I've just returned home from two full days in London with a couple of friends. They were both walking so fast the entire time, I couldn't keep up with either of them. It's been very warm as well, and obviously even hotter in London. I did try to get them to slow down and wait for me, but they didn't. So, on the last evening, which was yesterday, I just left them to walk really quickly and chat together, while I just walked much slower and very much behind them. There were several people between us. They didn't even look to see where I was or if I was OK. Anyway, the last bit of really fast walking was this morning, on the way back to the tube and we went our separate ways at the underground. I won't see them for a little while now as i don't live near them, so probably the next time it will be cooler again. But all the same, should I have sped up and walked so fast that i was sweating, or should they have been more considerate. I am very fortunate in that my best friend only lives five minutes away from me and we walk together at a sensible pace. My friends who live much closer to me who I see regularly are also much more sensible. I would never leave somebody behind to the point that they're struggling and feeling left out. It's not the speed of the walking that's the trouble it's the fact that they're walking so fast I can't join in. Anyway, rant over.

They don't sound like very good 'friends', I'd ditch them, life too short to spend time with people that don't care about you.

Thank you very much. Ditching them will be easy anyway. I don't live near them and only see them a few times a year. I'm concentrating on the people who live nearer to me and who I see regularly.

We have just come back from holiday and I was doing a lot of people watching while there. There is a whole world full of old men striding out paces ahead of their wives, and it struck me that that is a horrible way to exist. Always 5-10 feet behind the wonderful husband.

OP I agree with you, it is really disrespectful of your husband, especially when you were visiting a wonderful landmark that you wanted to share with him

That's great, save your energy and time for people who care about you!