Keeps walking ahead & leaving me behind

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How would you feel in this scenario? You organise a major family holiday overseas for DH plus 2 teens, highlight of which is a day trip to visit one of the wonders of the world. So a big deal in terms of something really special to enjoy together as a family - a once in a lifetime thing. When we park, DH walks so fast towards the attraction which is about a 5 min walk, that I cant possibly keep up with him as I cant walk at same pace (im a regular speed walker, he insists on getting everywhere ultra fast to the point he will barge his way through people) and have to dodge others using the same path. Our teens are able to keep up with his pace and as theyre increasingly taking cues from his behaviour they zoom ahead at speed at DH's pace, meaning Im tagging along behind. Im about 60 seconds behind them & i can see theyve almost reached the spot where theyll see the landmark for the first time - an experience a family would naturally want to share right? I call out for them to wait - my DH turns, sees that im only moments behind them and carries on to the main lookout point and they take in their first view of it without me. I get there a minute later and i feel so upset that i wasnt able to witness their reaction to seeing this incredible landmark which was the highlight of our whole trip. I ask DH why he didnt wait for me and he says 'you were slower than us, youre here now so it doesnt matter', completely oblivious to why id be upset that wed missed this shared family moment. He has often walked way ahead of me - like at airports - which ive always found pretty inconsiderate and rude. He says he just wants to get there and its not his fault if i 'walk slowly' (which i dont, he just zooms everywhere). This has left me feeling really overlooked and disregarded - I had arranged the whole trip (somewhere he wanted to go) and what really hurts is not just that he didnt even consider that this is something we were all doing together - its not 'together' if you leave someone behind - but that his behaviour is encouraging the same lack of consideration in our kids, who were so focussed on keeping up with him virtually sprinting down the street that they didnt wait for me either (which is to be expected as he was driving the behaviour). He had seen the landmark twice before too. He genuinely feels i have no reason at all to be offended or upset by what happened. I feel ive been robbed of a special family moment. I know that walking ahead is often mentioned as a common narcissistic personality trait. He does show some other elements around control etc and im now thinking is this behaviour designed to emphasise his role as the 'in charge' person, who doesnt feel the need to compromise to show consideration for others? And that walking together in a group gives off some kind of air of equality that they cant deal with? AIBU for feeling really upset about this? Its left me in tears

Agree.

So many posters not getting the point of this thread and why the op is upset.

It was missing out on that special family moment that’s upsetting. Not the walking.
Rude posters accusing her of ‘dawdling’.

He could have stopped and waited.

I also can’t keep up with DH but he waits.
I don’t dawdle, he’s just a foot taller than me with longer legs! Also, in crowds people shut me off, he’s more visible and commands more space. I made him walk behind me once and he was amazed how others walked across me, cut my path off etc

My father is a fast walker. DH is a little bit. The difference is that if I just decide to drop the rope and walk even slower, DH will notice and slow down.

I don' think he'd run to the pyramids without me!

It's really rude. Unless the slowest person says to go on ahead without them you should stick together. People only get slower as they get older, one day he might find he's the one being left behind.

Yes I think it was especially rude in this circumstance. The whole idea is to do things together as a family

If you are a speed walker you should be able to keep up. I walk fast & don’t have any diagnosis of ADHD or any other issue that almost everyone on MN appears to have. Although it is annoying to have someone with dozy mare syndrome in front of you holding you up.

I've run on a treadmill next to DH. We run with our legs moving at he same cadence. He runs 10km while I run 7. Because his legs are much longer.

Also, he looks like a cross between Jason Statham and that rugby bloke who married the royal. People RUN out of his way.

I can't move as quickly as him. Except in London. He's a hick and doesn't understand crowds.

I think if this happens regularly and I was so bothered about seeing the landmark at the same time as the others ,I'd have said on arrival to please walk at my pace and explained why. I think this all sounds like high pressure for this trip though, what were you going to do if your dc shrugged when they saw it, husband had already seen it twice. Unless there are other big problems I think you are making a big deal of this.

My stbxh did this.

The posters talking about hatung dawdling are missing the point. If you are walking with someone, whether it is your spouse, a child or a friend, then you should walk with them. You're not on a mission to get somewhere, the walking is a sociable activity in itself.

My stbxh always charged off ahead, ignoring me. My father did the same. It is rude, shows a complete lack of respect and empathy.

I must admit that is the point I think OP is being a bit over the top about, her DH had already seen it twice anyway. I also didn’t see how it is worse because OP organised the holiday.

However I can certainly see the issue if OP is constantly being left behind whenever they go out. My natural pace is slower than DH’s and he sometimes does forget and gets ahead, which I understand. But he would only get ahead by a couple of steps before he would realise or because I am almost running to keep up and tell him to slow down, which he does. I cannot imagine how I would feel if every time we went somewhere he would just leave me trailing behind.

My dad always set the tone for this with me. He never let us walk behind or on the side of the road. My DP is the same.

But why should the pace be set by the person who walks like a snail? Why can the fucking irritating person who walks v slowly not move a tad quicker to save everyone else from pootling along?? The op said the activity was to see something - why can't you just crack on, see it, then get on with your day? It is entirely possible that the slow walker is the rude one, holding up everyone else.

Totally get why this is upsetting. Out of order, and fact he claims to not know why you’re upset is bull - he’s just trying to trivialise your feelings and make you feel like you’re over reacting.

Because, as mentioned above, different people, walking at the same cadence, move at different speeds - are you seriously suggesting that it would be more polite for OP to scouts pace it so that her DP can stride along?

I'll try that with my mum next time we go out for a walk shall we? Stop dawdling mother, it's only one hip that's knackered, and it's dreadfully rude for you to make it take 10 mins to walk to the shop rather than 8 by walking so slowly.

Going to see something doesn’t mean speeding along to get there fast, glancing and getting on with your day. Imagine parking up and going to the Taj Mahal, see it and go. That’s not what sightseeing trips are about. You want to absorb the atmosphere, take in the beauty etc

Yes- walking slower than your natural speed can be tedious and uncomfortable- but you do it when you have to don’t you? If you were walking with your kids, with a friend, with someone who had Mobility issues, I’d going somewhere as a group together.
when I am alone I go at whatever speed I want - if with another person we go at the same speed. If that means I have to slow down then so what. Better go slower and not be an utter knob.

So, you are allowed to "not cope" with walking slower, but other people have to cope with you walking faster?

I'm a fast walker myself (not as fast as you), but your comment sounds very focussed on yourself, and without insight as to how your behaviour impacts on others.

I'm a naturally fast walker but manage to adjust my pace so as not to abandon my children without any of the distress many here apparently experience. He's an arse. If you're going to something together he shouldn't stalk off alone.

Well, OP, your DH sounds like an absolute bell end.

My DH did this once when I had a knee injury and couldn’t keep up with him (he knew this) walking the dog. I went back home. Once he realised, he rushed back and once I had explained that A. There’s no point in my walking not with him and therefore unable to have a conversation with him and B. He’s not the Queen and me Prince Philip, so why should I walk behind him as if he’s royalty? he got the message and hasn’t done it again.

Its the intention though. Acknowledging the person behind you. Kids for example may run off in front but they will run back to tell you what’s ahead etc.

My ex DH did the striding off thing but annoyingly only places he knew. When it was somewhere he didn’t, he dawdled behind me. Also in pubs and restaurants. He would march into our local first but anywhere new and he would open the door “politely” so I had to be first in. Sounds stupid but its not always obvious if it’s a go to the bar or find a table or wait to be seated and I didn’t like always being the one expected to get it right.

He is a prick. End of.

I organise a walking group, all female. There is always a discrepancy between the fast walkers and the slow walkers. The fast walkers charge ahead, the slow walkers natter and take their time. I was always running between the two groups feeling guilty. Now I don't try to keep them together. It is irritating for fast walkers to hang back and the slower ones are quite happy to take it at their pace. I don't think it has anything to do with personality types. I can't quite believe labels are being attached to people because of how quickly or slowly they walk. It is another thing to take offence over.

But sightseeing or going on a walk with others isn't about pace - it's about socialising and spending time together. Walking at pace is for when you have tasks to do, or somewhere to get to urgently. I live in fast-paced London but when I go back to my quiet hometown, I slow down and actually smile at people, because (1) I'm not a dick and (2) being socially aware is about knowing what is and isn't appropriate depending on the environment and social circumstances. Leaving one person in a group who is walking at their fastest pace to trail behind you on a holiday will always be selfish.