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Original poster

Do you slag off your Dh/partner

195 replies

Onedrinkpernightinsummer · 05/08/2023 22:55

When you’re with friends?

Recently got closer with my mums friendship group..kids are a little older and instead of play dates together, we’ve been doing nights out with cocktails.
I was shocked when hearing all
kinds of things about each one’s relationships and Dh’s etc, really thought they all
seemed happy and in almost perfect set ups. In a way it was a great bonding experience and made me realise how so many of us have similar problems and how the way things appear isn’t always the way it really is.
Now I’m starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with it and find myself not liking these guys and thinking what pricks they are, all the men have different issues and the women are much more capable and could really do better.
Do you and your friends do this? Is it dangerous territory?

OP posts:
truthhurts23 · 06/08/2023 00:03

😂at the women saying "I wouldn't do that to my dh" give me a break
your dh is most likely slagging you off to his friends and co workers,

I've learned from having lots of brothers, uncles, male cousins, that men gossip way worse than women do and they are always complaining about their women when they are together

Firstworldprobs · 06/08/2023 00:03

Nope. Nobody’s perfect but I am loyal to my DH (who is a Good Man™️) and if I felt the need to slag him off to a bunch of acquaintances then I’d consider that a big problem. It would mean I have work to do in my marriage.

When I hear someone berating their spouse I admit that I think less of them, as they have chosen to live with / excuse / enable the bad behaviour rather than actually doing something to improve the situation.

U2HasTheEdge · 06/08/2023 00:11

I don't slag him off, but I have spoken to my closest friends at times. There has been a couple of times when his mental health was poor, or we had stressors in the family that I needed to talk about for support. Not to criticize him or to talk crap about him, but to talk about how things were impacting me.

Robinni · 06/08/2023 00:14

Hawkins009 · 05/08/2023 22:58

Loose lips sink battleships, hear all, trust nothing,

Great advice

Illbebythesea · 06/08/2023 00:21

@Firstworldprobs

and if I felt the need to slag him off to a bunch of acquaintances then I’d consider that a big problem.

But they’re not talking about acquaintances we’re talking about friends.

plasticinevitable · 06/08/2023 00:25

No. I don't have a huge amount to slag him off about and I wouldn't be with him if I did. There was one time I asked my very close friend for her advice on something regarding how he'd reacted towards a situation that took me by surprise, but it was less slagging him off and more concerned about his reaction. I'd also be furious if my DP moaned about me to his friends.

One of my friends constantly slags off her DP and I really want to ask her why the fuck she's had three children with him if he's as useless as she frequently says he is. Obviously I never would but it does run through my head!

WandaWonder · 06/08/2023 00:26

No I may pass on something funny he said but nothing bad

greenspaces4peace · 06/08/2023 01:54

I take all venting with a grain of salt, often like mn it’s the point they are trying to get across and most embellish the details.
I did do this when younger but no long/try really really hard to not berate.

Ladyj84 · 06/08/2023 01:56

I can honestly say it's never even occurred to me to slag anyone off. And I defo would never say anything and about hubby anyhow it's called love and respect

justanothermanicmonday1 · 06/08/2023 01:58

DramaAlpaca · 05/08/2023 22:59

No. I don't feel the need to discuss my relationship with anyone, including friends. There's plenty of other interesting subjects to talk about.

This.

SilverTotoro · 06/08/2023 07:08

I don’t, it shows a lack of respect for your partner, if there is an issue you should be able to talk to your DH about it. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and he was complaining about you to a group of his friends, who then in turn listed their partners faults.

nutmegnit · 06/08/2023 07:21

I'm with @truthhurts23.

I'm suspicious of a lot of these replies! Every female friend I've ever had has in some way spoken to me about issues with her DH. Every single one! And every single male friend and even colleague too.

I'm happily single so no one to slag off!

Allelbowsandtoes · 06/08/2023 07:24

No, I'd never slag off my DP to anyone. I find it surprising though that some people never discuss their religion at all! If DP and I are having any problems (which tbf is rare) I have a couple of really close, trusted friends who I'll talk it through with for advice and another perspective - for me it's really valuable to be able to do this.

Peony654 · 06/08/2023 07:28

I’d generally avoid it, on the basis I’d be upset if he did the same abou me. I would sometimes mention a specific gripe or issue to a close friend

mangochops · 06/08/2023 07:31

Depends what you mean by "slag off"?- eg "he's a right dick and he annoys the fck out of me"- no I'd never say that.

But, I might say to a very close friend "DH is doing this and it bothers me, what do you think is the best way to approach it?" etc I'd only do this with one of my closest friends though, not someone at a toddler group etc

thinkkook · 06/08/2023 07:53

We talk about our DHs and have a little moan/eye-roll about things they've done e.g. mine went to bed and instead of locking up I found the front door not just unlocked but open!

Friends will complain their DH forgot to collect their child or didn't book annual leave for their holiday.

This is banter. We don't complain about anything personal.

MsCathy · 06/08/2023 07:58

I don't, it's be such a hurtful thing for either of us to do. My work colleagues do it a lot though, it's as though it gives them a kinship between them, who's husband is the most stupid/thoughtless/messy.
If we have an issue in our relationship, we talk to each other.

theleafandnotthetree · 06/08/2023 08:08

nutmegnit · 06/08/2023 07:21

I'm with @truthhurts23.

I'm suspicious of a lot of these replies! Every female friend I've ever had has in some way spoken to me about issues with her DH. Every single one! And every single male friend and even colleague too.

I'm happily single so no one to slag off!

I am very suspicious too, lots of holier than thou responses who say such a thing has never occurred to them! Or apparently anyone they know. Bizarre.

dramoy · 06/08/2023 08:08

Are they actually slagging them off or venting? And what's the context of the complaints. I think venting & bonding over that is very normal tbh.

dramoy · 06/08/2023 08:10

It's also possible the people on this thread don't have anything to vent about regarding their marriage. Lots of people quiety go about their lives in happy marriages.

But having a vent doesn't mean you're not in a happy marriage

theleafandnotthetree · 06/08/2023 08:15

SilverTotoro · 06/08/2023 07:08

I don’t, it shows a lack of respect for your partner, if there is an issue you should be able to talk to your DH about it. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and he was complaining about you to a group of his friends, who then in turn listed their partners faults.

I would consider him a normal human being unless it was cruel or totally unfair. I rarely encounter anyone who doesn't have the odd bitch about their partner once you get past a certain level of knowing them. The one person who doesn't could definitely do with doing so but she is so convinced of his wonders (falsely in my view) as to seem captured.

dramoy · 06/08/2023 08:18

I don't, it's be such a hurtful thing for either of us to do.

Why?

If we have an issue in our relationship, we talk to each other.

It's not either/or.
And not everything is an issue. I was taking the piss about my husbands big feet & pondering how he doesn't fall down stairs as his feet hang off to a colleague the other day. My dh knows he has big feet & it's not something we need to go to therapy for 🤷🏻‍♀️

EmeraldDuck · 06/08/2023 08:19

I didn’t for the first 15 years we were together, out of respect for him, but then his behaviour got less and less nice and I needed people to talk to about it.

dramoy · 06/08/2023 08:20

How would you feel if the situation was reversed and he was complaining about you to a group of his friends, who then in turn listed their partners faults.

The context matters!!!

MsCathy · 06/08/2023 08:21

dramoy · 06/08/2023 08:18

I don't, it's be such a hurtful thing for either of us to do.

Why?

If we have an issue in our relationship, we talk to each other.

It's not either/or.
And not everything is an issue. I was taking the piss about my husbands big feet & pondering how he doesn't fall down stairs as his feet hang off to a colleague the other day. My dh knows he has big feet & it's not something we need to go to therapy for 🤷🏻‍♀️

The OP has been given the impression her friend's husbands are "pricks". That's not joking about the size of their feet.