Colleague sent me a dick pic

[Fiascoo]

Last night, totally out of the blue. He said "fancy helping me out with this?" 🤮

I replied with 😱 and he said "is that it?" I just replied saying "I'm busy." And it's been left at that.

I'm mortified. For context he's about 12 years older, married with a young child.

Maybe I've been too nice about it, but he could make things difficult for me at work which is why I replied in the way I did.

Aibu not to have been more harsh? I feel so uncomfortable about it.

Don’t worry about that. You were shocked, no one should get disgusting photos sent to them.
As pp have said make sure you’ve screenshot it, don’t delete anything. Go to HR first thing Monday, say you were shocked to receive this and show them.
If they don’t act go to the police.
He could be sending this thing to anyone and everyone or worse. Police may well look at his phone/s PC, tablets etc.

Op is now probably examining all the communications she's ever had with him looking for what she did wrong.

@Fiascoo you have done nothing wrong. The only thing you could done to deserve this is sending a message saying "please send me a dick pic" I imagine you didn't do this?

I really hope he's sweating now. That's disgusting behaviour.

Are you young OP? This is totally not acceptable, especially not from someone senior to you. Don't let him get away with it!

He might claim this when HR ask him but OP sent her emoji and he then replied 'is that it?' So he should have realised if he'd sent it to the wrong person and apologized immediately. He didn't so I don't think he can say it was an accident.

Its fine and normal to have work colleagues numbers, especially if you are on good terms, you've done nothing wrong.

Do not send these pics to anyone, including HR and his wife. Just speak to HR on Monday, have a union rep with you if possible.

I would have no idea how to contact his wife. I'd rather not go down that route anyway.

He deserves to lose his job for that.

If you don't want to take it too hr I can completely understand. May be message him saying it's totally inappropriate and not to send you such photos.

Yes. Police first then HR. And as others have said keep “paper trail”.

As the pp says, it's actually good you replied because his response proves it wasn't an innocent mistake (which he will otherwise have claimed)

As if he doesn't already know that!

You’ve done nothing wrong. He could be fired for this

I don’t know what you want to do but I don’t think he should get away with it

Was it a naked penis or bulging trousers? And he hasn't deleted it? if it was on what's app or another app with a delete function

It’s common for work colleagues to have each others’ numbers/email and it could be a work phone. There’s nothing in the OPs post to suggest anything other than a work relationship and she’s said it was unsolicited and unwanted. Stop victim blaming.

Noooooooo! That would be colluding. HR is the only appropriate reaction to that.

Fiascoo you have done nothing wrong. The only thing you could done to deserve this is sending a message saying "please send me a dick pic" I imagine you didn't do this?

Absolutely. Even if you had been the most massive flirt ever in the history of flirting, he still shouldn't be sending an unsolicited dick pic. Gross man 🤮

OP, you can use language like:

"I was really shocked. I immediately tried to defuse the situation and make it stop, which seemed to work. In my first shock, I thought he must have sent it to a wrong number and I wanted to warn him to stop. His second text shows he sent it to me deliberately."

That should help head off the sort of victim-blaming numpties seen on this thread. It's awful you should have to put any energy into dealing with victim-blamers, on top of dealing with this appalling cyberflasher.

You haven't done anything at all wrong.

Some good advice here. Sexual harassment is rarely a one-off. Once you go to HR and word gets out, other women may report incidents

Ignore anyone saying contact his wife, she has done nothing wrong and it only makes you look bad. Keep it formal, speak to HR.

You must go to HR and he will be deservedly fired.

I'm sure his wife will find out in due course.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour from him and don't worry about replying with an emoji, shock will do that to you.

Do you have a HR department or are you part of a union?

Completely naked, him lying on his bed and I could clearly see his bedroom (I presume, unless he was in someone else's house) in the background - pics on the wall/ furniture etc.

What he's done is sexual harassment and the correct thing to do is let work investigate and deal with it

It is not a criminal offence unfortunately.
He is over 18 and the person her sent it to is over 18 .

It's grim . It's a HR issue though. I bet he has done it before . And got away with it .

Why do men even think their dicks are so attractive? I mean seriously? Ffs !

Good luck op . He's the creep and needs dealing with - you did nothing wrong .

If every women who received this shit keeps quiet about it, these men will just continue. They will feel emboldened and ultimately immune, and women will talk about how it’s normal and doesn’t everyone get this and desensitised.

He gave you no choice sending you that text. You don’t know what a text is until you open it. He literally thrust his naked genitals into your face, in your home, via a screen. Imagine if he’d been there in person and done that.

Don’t drop it. Follow through. For the young women coming after you if not for yourself (and I’m assuming you’re far younger than me - this shit HAS been going on for years).