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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague sent me a dick pic

273 replies

Fiascoo · 05/08/2023 14:35

Last night, totally out of the blue. He said "fancy helping me out with this?" 🤮

I replied with 😱 and he said "is that it?" I just replied saying "I'm busy." And it's been left at that.

I'm mortified. For context he's about 12 years older, married with a young child.

Maybe I've been too nice about it, but he could make things difficult for me at work which is why I replied in the way I did.

Aibu not to have been more harsh? I feel so uncomfortable about it.

OP posts:
FloweryName · 05/08/2023 14:39

That’s vile. Report the creep.

Beurla · 05/08/2023 14:40

Ugh. What about his wife. Horrible behaviour.

mamakoukla · 05/08/2023 14:40

Report. Seniority doesn’t stop him from doing horrible things. Sorry this happened to you; plan some soothing things for yourself. What a sleaze

Daisymay2 · 05/08/2023 14:40

I thought it was an offence to send an unsolicited dick pick.?Report to police.
dunno about him making life difficult for you, I would raise it with HR or management on Monday.

Fraaahnces · 05/08/2023 14:40

HR and MAKE them take it seriously. What a horrible thing to do. Who else is he dick piccing? Are there even younger, more vulnerable women at your work?

CornishTiger · 05/08/2023 14:41

Don’t forward it to anyone. That is an offence in itself. The only people who should be seeing it are the police as part of an investigation but yes screenshot too.

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 14:41

If this were me id be sending to head office and to his wife.
What a scum bag

Sigmama · 05/08/2023 14:41

If the recipients never do anything about it, these dickheads will just carry on, report it

Sooze2023 · 05/08/2023 14:42

A dic pic on a dating site is pretty tacky (and frankly tediius) but this is appalling.

I know you probably found it embarrassing and just closed down, but it's got to be gross misconduct. I'm sure your employers' would be horrified by having him as an employee. Speak to someone about it.

MaggieBsBoat · 05/08/2023 14:43

it does not matter a damn that you replied. FFS no one should even question that.

Screenshot.
Have a meeting with HR - ask for one using email.
show then the email in person and then tell them you’ll be sending them a copy via email.
ask them to hat they are going to do about it.
I work in Ops and was an HR Director.
This needs and will be taken very seriously indeed.
I‘m so sorry you’ve experienced this.

saffronsoup · 05/08/2023 14:43

BellaJuno · 05/08/2023 14:39

Nice victim shaming there!

Show quote history

Not victim shaming. Most people would not engage in a fun back and for the with emojis if they got an unsolicited random dic pic from a colleague.

As seen from the responses most would go to HR or ignore. When two people engage in back and forth with emojis, there is more context.

itsmyp4rty · 05/08/2023 14:44

saffronsoup · 05/08/2023 14:37

Why did you even reply?

There has to be some context that led to him sending you the pic and you responding with emojis.

Seems like there is some mutual flirtation between you and this didn’t come out of the blue.

Jesus Christ are you the offending man? I don't see how anyone could possibly think to victim blame the OP in this situation. Even if she'd had previous flirty banter (which she says she really hadn't) sending unsolicited dick pics is NEVER ok.

No OP it makes no difference that he sent this outside of work hours.

BellaJuno · 05/08/2023 14:45

saffronsoup · 05/08/2023 14:43

Not victim shaming. Most people would not engage in a fun back and for the with emojis if they got an unsolicited random dic pic from a colleague.

As seen from the responses most would go to HR or ignore. When two people engage in back and forth with emojis, there is more context.

Show quote history

Do you need someone to explain what “totally out of the blue” means in the first sentence of the OP’s first post?

saffronsoup · 05/08/2023 14:45

itsmyp4rty · 05/08/2023 14:44

Jesus Christ are you the offending man? I don't see how anyone could possibly think to victim blame the OP in this situation. Even if she'd had previous flirty banter (which she says she really hadn't) sending unsolicited dick pics is NEVER ok.

No OP it makes no difference that he sent this outside of work hours.

Show quote history

Of course it isn’t okay. I didn’t say it was. I was asking about the context that led to it being sent and her engaging with him with emojis as a response.

Gnomegnomegnome · 05/08/2023 14:46

You replying is absolutely fine! You have done nothing wrong.

DO NOT send to HR/police/ his wife etc. You could get into a lot of trouble as well.

Do speak with HR/police and take someone with you if necessary.

Are you a member of a union?

Neyon · 05/08/2023 14:47

What's with the (thankfully very small amount of) victim blaming posts? Even if OP had been flirting with him, which she hadn't, it wouldn't be okay. Honestly, I wouldn't even want a random dick pic from my own partner, I don't see the point.
You need to report him OP, in your situation it's an actual crime (sexual harassment) and something of which HR should be aware. He could already have done this to other, more vulnerable colleagues who may be encouraged to speak up if they know they aren't alone. If not, it prevents it happening in future and he doesn't get away with doing it to you.

migmig · 05/08/2023 14:47

Please please make sure you report this behaviour. Men shouldn't be allowed to get away with this, and in this day and age everyone will have your back, you shouldn't worry. The fact that he is senior at work makes it even more serious as he is in a position of power.

Original poster
Fiascoo · 05/08/2023 14:47

Okay, I shouldn't have sent the emoji, maybe that makes it look like I wasn't that bothered. I don't know why I sent it, I didn't know what else to say. He was online and could see that I'd opened the message so I felt like I had to say something. Feels daft now.

OP posts:
justrude · 05/08/2023 14:48

OMG how awful!

Straight to HR on Monday morning. Do not engage further with him

Xrays · 05/08/2023 14:48

Don’t feel bad about how you replied. He’s the arsehole. Totally, definitely report. It’s modern day indecent exposure.

Hesma · 05/08/2023 14:49

Report him, that’s sexual harassment

MorrisZapp · 05/08/2023 14:49

Stupid question but does dick pic in this context mean his actual naked nob? Or a bulging trouser? Sorry to ask.

Boomboom22 · 05/08/2023 14:50

Report! So weird. No lead up at all?

MaggieBsBoat · 05/08/2023 14:50

@Fiascoo you do NOT need to defend yourself for replying. You were shocked.
tmThe idiocy above is similar to blaming women who do not put up a fight when they are being assaulted.
Ignore the Troll.
Tell HR you will also be going to the police and do so. Escalate this for goodness sake.

Also PPs saying poor wife. WTAF has this to do with it right now? Put your sympathies in the right place right now. Good grief.

Divebar2021 · 05/08/2023 14:50

There is no “normal” way to respond because it’s not a normal thing to do to someone so don’t worry about that.