Colleague sent me a dick pic

[Fiascoo]

Last night, totally out of the blue. He said "fancy helping me out with this?" 🤮

I replied with 😱 and he said "is that it?" I just replied saying "I'm busy." And it's been left at that.

I'm mortified. For context he's about 12 years older, married with a young child.

Maybe I've been too nice about it, but he could make things difficult for me at work which is why I replied in the way I did.

Aibu not to have been more harsh? I feel so uncomfortable about it.

You need to block him as previously advised. There's a chance he'll contact you again with excuses. He may also tell work he's lost or had his phone stolen. Disgusting individual.

This ^

Good luck tomorrow with HR OP and let us know how it goes. Don’t for one second doubt yourself once the initial shock wears off. Nothing you do in reporting him will be anything other than proportionate the situation. I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position - stay firm when speaking to HR. Listen to what they say and try (if you can) not to talk too much until they’ve said their piece and/or conducted their investigation so you can gather your thoughts as you go. Us women can often try and avoid “making a fuss at work” and try and make situations seem smaller than what they are - keep your chin up and hand this over to them. 🌸🌸

Is this for real? I'm struggling.

very senior manager sends highly inappropriate text to another employee, so there is tangible proof of what he did. employee takes it to HR and VSM is dismissed for gross misconduct.

it just makes zero sense as described.

I didn't think of him saying he'd had his phone stolen. He could easily say this, couldn't he? Then it would be me having to leave my job.
I am just questioning everything now. I hate that he's put me in this position.

What exactly are you struggling with?

Oh to have the confidence of a Middle aged white man. 🤮 OP you have done nothing wrong, report it. Dirty bastard is probably betting on the fact you’ll be to embarrassed to do anything - prove him wrong.

Why would he jeopardise his employment?

I'm worried OP will be managed out the business for this even though it's very obviously the man's fault!

That was my initial worry.

If behaviour of men like this goes unchecked then it spurs them on to continue and potentially escalate.

In your situation I would 100% go to the police and inform HR on Monday morning what had happened and that I wished to raise a "formal grievance" regarding his conduct.

He deserves to lose his reputation and job over this.

Arrogance, probably thinks OP is desperate for him. Disgusting behaviour

@Fiascoo do you have any sense of what your HR department is like?

Had their been any flirting & back & forth between you?

how bizarre 🙈

HR first thing in Monday. Absolutely unacceptable.

Why would you worry about that? It’s highly unlikely that would happen. It would certainly make for a very interesting unfair dismissal claim if the employer attempted that.

@Fiascoo are you very junior? Do you like your job?
It should be cut and dry that he gets disciplinary action for this but depends what your work culture is like sadly. We support you for it's worth!

it lacks credibility as described.

if the VSM made a pass, groped, or did some other inappropriate things but left no audit trail that's one thing, but doing it via their mobile phone that gives actual proof, why would any rational human being risk losing their job, their livelihood and bring shame on themselves and their family, breaching HR policy is such a way that the case against them is that photo evidence. It really doesn't make sense to me.

@Blossomtoes because how many times have you seen men behave badly at work and nothing happens or the woman is forced to leave? Happens all the time.

I complained about my manager being misogynistic and a bully and guess who got pulled up on performance and forced to leave after an otherwise exemplary record?! I appreciate this is worse but still.

This is ridiculous.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Report it to HR. Immediately. I got this message from this phone number. Let them deal with it. There’s no scope at all for his to be excused or allowed to slide. Women need to stop tolerating this shit.

Why? Because they’re an arrogant prick, perhaps? If you’ve never encountered those you’ve lived a very sheltered existence.

disciplinary action

where I work, an explicit sexual photo wouldn't just be a disciplinary, it would walk off site for indecency, gross misconduct, harrassment to a female member of staff.

Absolutely.

Perhaps it's a good thing after all that you did reply, OP. It was purely a reflexive action on your point, doubtless borne out shock. But this certainly makes it more difficult for him to deny who the intended recipient was. You might just have given himself enough rope to hang himself with.

VSM dismissed for misconduct is the bit that is not a given, but the outrageous hiding-in-plain-sight behavior may very well have happened.

https://news.sky.com/story/odey-begins-shake-up-after-cutting-ties-with-scandal-hit-founder-12900747

Prominent hedge fund manager Crispin Odey accused of historic sexual harassment over 25 years.

Other famous ones include Bill Gates and Harvey Wienstein. Men have been getting away with this vile behaviour out in the open for years.

Have you met many men?

It's extraordinary the lengths some will go to when thinking with their dicks.