A poll for my husband....

[Sellingbedtime]

So we received an invite to a wedding in Bali months ago. I decided probably not a practical decision to go as we have 2 small children 3yo DD and ds who is 11months. Children were not invited to wedding and I wasn't prepared to ask family to look after them. Anyway fast forward to now. Said wedding is fast approaching and DH is very much packing his bag and readying his passport with every intention of going.... Without us.
I've expressed my thoughts regarding it to him. I feel it's just very selfish. To assume it's ok for him to saunter off whilst I stay here in the trenches dealing with the mayhem of a toddler and baby (as well as going to work etc etc). It actually baffles me he thinks it's ok to go. So AIBU??

Happy to hear all response as i feel perhaps I'm missing something and other people husband's/partners/father's of their children frequently make easy breezy trips to the other side of the planet like it's popping to bloody Yarmouth!

I'm just baffled by how overdependent people seem to be on their spouse... Marriage shouldn't change you that much and if you're a partnership, you should support each other to still do the things you enjoy (eg seeing friends, travelling) of course within budget and reason
There seems to be a lot of shouting about " don't get mad get even", " I would never allow DH" " DH doesn't go abroad without me" " not on family money" 😬are people really this uptight?

I don't think I'd mind if he had good reasons for wanting to go... and the support I provided so he could do was reciprocated at some point

No, we just don’t have the money to do more than one holiday a year so we opt to go as a family (young kids) so everyone can enjoy. If he needed to go somewhere / or me, then yes of course. Friends of mine who earn more do this and they enjoy the variation. Again, each to their own and what works.
Strange comment.

It's quite an odd thread. The level of controlling behaviour. Imagine if it was men not allowing women to things. How strange. Couldn't bare a relationship where I couldn't still do stuff on my own and have my own friends, money etc.

I wouldn't mind him going. I'd be happily researching my own little trip.

It’s only controlling when men do it

when women do it’s called “having boundaries”

i think you should prepare the children’s routine and schedules for him and pack YOUR back and go before he does.

You're a family.

How can they be 'his' savings?

@Sibicatsndogs

i am happy to go on trips and go on holidays with my pals. Are you saying I shouldn’t be married?

@Nanny0gg

not all money has to be “famiiiiiilly money”

Few things.
I go trips solo. Just me. I have one planned soon. I’m married. In my absence dp will Continue to work and crack on
it's not obligatory to have shared money, family money. There is no mandatory compulsion, it’s not a legal requirement. It’s an antiquated habit maintained by some

You need to get a life l. Not everything need to be made so dramatic. It is wrong to leave a spouse with small children to go on a long holiday. Morally it's is selfish and unacceptable

It's 5 days, not a long holiday.

Are you always prone to such hyperbole? Or has the thought of women with families having their own money got you all aerated

Because not every family insists on communism. We’re a family. We both have our own money. This will really shock you - I have my own bank account and credit cards with just my name on them, as well as my own savings.

Sorry to disappoint but I'm a working mum of 3 with my own earnings. My hubby works and contributes as well

Exactly 😄

I mean it depends if there’s an abundance of money, if you’d be able to do the same for an old school friends wedding etc etc.

presumably you both have savings etc you could dip into for you to do the same?! then yup all fine.

if not then nope sorry.

YANBU. My husband did this earlier this year. Ridiculous waste of money. We aren't going on a family holiday as we can't afford it but he has been away.... I am still cross about it.

There’s no vote option but I suppose it depends whose wedding it is, if it’s a sibling or close family member then maybe but not enough details.

OP has said this isn't about money though @Alisondewy but the fact that she will be left looking after their children. She has said that before having their children she wouldn't have minded. It's only five days and her mum is going to help out.

OP has said:

So for context it's an old school friend of my husband who is getting married.

I know a part of DH feels he should go as this friend, who lives abroad, made the effort and travelled back for our wedding.