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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandchildren's eating habits AIBU?

601 replies

Sausagenbacon · 04/08/2023 12:25

I love my grandson, but feel irritated about his eating habits. I'm posting here to see if this behaviour is the new normal and I'm being picky.
He's 6. I cooked a meal for them yesterday - a bit of salad and some tortellini, with sauce to add if they wanted to i.e. deliberately bland (but this applies to all meals we have with them).
So, firstly, he doesn't sit down at the table, but kneels or leans. Then he takes a mouth or two, and then wanders off. Then, a few minutes later, he reappears and might take a bit more, or, if what he wants is gone, gets given something else, like toast.
and then, about 30 minutes later, he'll want some of the pudding. And get given it.
I always used to say (when I had children) that you didn't get pudding if you hadn't eaten at least some of the main course and, once you'd got down from the table, that was it and you had to wait until the next meal.
Parenting is hard enough, without making it harder than needs be.
AIBU?

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 04/08/2023 12:31

The parents are responsible for his wandering behaviour and the decision to allow pudding regardless of how much dinner is eaten. Personally I never understood the pudding rule so didn't have it but pudding is only at weekends or birthdays here so it's not a big issue.

As for the kneeling or leaning, chairs can be too low for kids to eat at them comfortably. I'd be asking the parents if he uses a booster at home.

He wouldn't be allowed to wander and return to his meal at school so I wonder what happens there?

Hufflepods · 04/08/2023 12:32

Parenting is hard enough, without making it harder than needs be.

Says the person interfering and trying to parent children that aren’t hers.

malificent7 · 04/08/2023 12:34

The wondering thing is annoying but maybe he dosn't like tortellini.

Gone are the days when if you didn't eat your dinner it got served cold the next day like my nan used to do with my mum. Cruel but mum has table manners!

AmbleInAnnBoleyn · 04/08/2023 12:34

You could try the 'at Grannie's house we sit down to eat, no bobbing up and down please, and we say Thank You when we have finished' thing. This takes time and patience.

I wouldn't police the intake just make sure that once the child has finished and said thank you the clearing away happens PDQ and if grumbles occur bat them away with murmurs of 'I am sure you will have something once you get back home'.

Note that sitting as adults do with feet forwards can be uncomfortable for a child, hence kneeling/leaning.

If this occurs in the child's house then you'll have to suck it up.

Cosycover · 04/08/2023 12:34

Hes 6.

My kids don't need to sit and finish a meal. They can wander if they want. They can eat it for hours if they choose.

What is the big deal?

Dixiechickonhols · 04/08/2023 12:34

Can you have ‘granny’s house rules’ so everyone has to sit at table to eat. Get him a booster seat etc.
Usually adults who have grown up eating around table want to replicate that with own family.

maddiemookins16mum · 04/08/2023 12:38

I’d hate it too Op, but then I’m nearly 60 and have pretty firm boundaries when it comes to table manners etc.

Papernotplastic · 04/08/2023 12:38

A) Not your child, not your problem
B) If he is a picky eater, stuffed pasta with salad and a sauce is not plain

Marblessolveeverything · 04/08/2023 12:41

Did you check what his parents do so you know what is a reasonable expectation. Mine eat well but they don't like tortellini. It is rarely cooked well and can be an unpleasant texture. Mine will eat salad if it is a proper mixed, dressed, different textures and preferably in a wrap rather than wrangling a fork!. Different folks different strokes.

ManateeFair · 04/08/2023 12:42

I don't think it's the new normal - they certainly wouldn't let a child eat like that when they have lunch at school.

I'm sure some parents might allow it, but most people I know expect their children to sit down and eat a meal without getting up and wandering off every few bites.

They might let them get down from the table between dinner and pudding if the adults wanted a long break between courses, and then call them back to the table when pudding was dished up. But that's about it.

The kneeling/leaning would annoy me but it's possible he just needs a booster cushion so try that.

I also think that, if you're looking after him alone without his parents present, it's up to you to tell him what is and isn't allowed at your house. My nieces and nephews definitely know that their dad and their nan have some rules that their mum doesn't have, and once that's explained to they're happy to follow them.

More difficult if you're entertaining the whole family though, of course, as I imagine it's tricky to override your grandson's parents!

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 04/08/2023 12:43

My dgc was expected to sit either in a highchair or at the table for meals. Myhouse my rules... At 6 a dc should be eating a meal properly..

Original poster
Sausagenbacon · 04/08/2023 12:43

funny how many posters wade in before reading the post.
I said - he is like that at every meal. And, yes, I checked with his parents before I cooked it, to make sure it was OK.

OP posts:
dancinfeet · 04/08/2023 12:44

I’m a firm believer in granny’s house, granny’s rules. I don’t have grandchildren and grew up without grandparents but was brought up with good table manners and expected the same of my own children (who were also not allowed to run around at restaurants or watch screens at the table).

Nanny0gg · 04/08/2023 12:46

Sausagenbacon · 04/08/2023 12:43

funny how many posters wade in before reading the post.
I said - he is like that at every meal. And, yes, I checked with his parents before I cooked it, to make sure it was OK.

If I cook a meal that I know my DGC like then I expect it to be eaten. If they can't manage it all that's fine. I don't withhold pudding as it's generally a yoghurt.

If they were too small for the table I had booster seats otherwise they sit properly.

There would be no wandering back and forth!

Peony654 · 04/08/2023 12:46

Your house, your rules. It’s hardly cruel to say everyone has to sit down and eat a meal on one go, you should sit down with him though (and anyone else in your house). Pudding shouldn’t be routinely served, totally unnecessary. Fruit and plain yoghurt only

Pinkywoo · 04/08/2023 12:47

Cosycover · 04/08/2023 12:34

Hes 6.

My kids don't need to sit and finish a meal. They can wander if they want. They can eat it for hours if they choose.

What is the big deal?

A 6 year old should be able to sit for 20 minutes to eat, they certainly wouldn't be allowed to wander about like that at school lunchtime .

Balloonhearts · 04/08/2023 12:48

Is he actually tall enough to sit comfortably at the table without kneeling or leaning?

The wandering off would annoy me though and I would tell him we don't get up unless we have finished and clear away his plate if he does it. It'll only take a few times.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 04/08/2023 12:49

Papernotplastic · 04/08/2023 12:38

A) Not your child, not your problem
B) If he is a picky eater, stuffed pasta with salad and a sauce is not plain

My DD is ND and couldn't eat that if she actually wanted to.

Does he like food with sauces?

What does he enjoy eating?

AuntieJune · 04/08/2023 12:49

Cosycover · 04/08/2023 12:34

Hes 6.

My kids don't need to sit and finish a meal. They can wander if they want. They can eat it for hours if they choose.

What is the big deal?

I disagree, mealtimes are important and it shows basic respect to the person who prepared a meal to sit and eat it.

At 6 a child will be at school and expected to sit and listen to lessons and at mealtimes.

It really underestimates the abilities of children to keep them in extended babyhood like that.

My kids have been expected to sit at the table with the rest of the family since they started weaning. Unless it's a buffet or party or something.

Original poster
Sausagenbacon · 04/08/2023 12:50

again - I checked with his parents to see if the food was OK for him. Why don't people read posts?

OP posts:
AtomicBlondeRose · 04/08/2023 12:51

I’m mum, not granny, but every child eating at my house has to sit properly at a table and eat something approximating a full meal. Components may be chosen or left at will but there’s no performance about it, no only eating the “good bits” and no wandering, spitting out etc. I would 100% expect a 6th to do that. I know for a fact that’s how they’re expected to eat lunch at our primary school (and pulled up on it if not) so can certainly do it at home.

Original poster
Sausagenbacon · 04/08/2023 12:51

all pudding was was fruit yoghurt.

OP posts:
Cantstaystuckforever · 04/08/2023 12:51

Cosycover · 04/08/2023 12:34

Hes 6.

My kids don't need to sit and finish a meal. They can wander if they want. They can eat it for hours if they choose.

What is the big deal?

Because it loses the benefits (significant and well researched) of sitting down for a family meal, as well as being a nearly guaranteed way to get your whole house a bit sticky, waste food and leave a mess?

British parents allow kids to be so fussy with food, through this kind of behaviour at meals, and then the endless parade of processed snacks. I make sure each meal contains enough of what my kids like, let them serve themselves and then eat what they want, but once they're out of their seats, they're done until the next meal. Sometimes they don't eat much, sometimes they eat loads, but they always get enough and we can have family conversations, eat together, then all clear up and get on with the rest of the day.

Agree with granny's house, granny's rules.

CFornot · 04/08/2023 12:51

I know you asked the parent but did you ask HIM before you cooked it? “Jack would you like some of this special pasta or sandwhich for lunch?”. Was he hungry? Did you sit and eat with him?

Either way as a parent I would expect him to sit at the table with everyone else and not wander off.

AuntieJune · 04/08/2023 12:51

Op the modern take on pudding is that making it a reward food yu ou only get if you eat 10 sprouts/tidy your room etc can skew how people see it and increase likelihood of emotional and comfort eating.

My kids are expected to eat at least a bit of the main meal and we don't have pudding very often, but it's not conditional in anything when we do have it.