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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandchildren's eating habits AIBU?

601 replies

Sausagenbacon · 04/08/2023 12:25

I love my grandson, but feel irritated about his eating habits. I'm posting here to see if this behaviour is the new normal and I'm being picky.
He's 6. I cooked a meal for them yesterday - a bit of salad and some tortellini, with sauce to add if they wanted to i.e. deliberately bland (but this applies to all meals we have with them).
So, firstly, he doesn't sit down at the table, but kneels or leans. Then he takes a mouth or two, and then wanders off. Then, a few minutes later, he reappears and might take a bit more, or, if what he wants is gone, gets given something else, like toast.
and then, about 30 minutes later, he'll want some of the pudding. And get given it.
I always used to say (when I had children) that you didn't get pudding if you hadn't eaten at least some of the main course and, once you'd got down from the table, that was it and you had to wait until the next meal.
Parenting is hard enough, without making it harder than needs be.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Tinybrother · 08/08/2023 18:45

WhereshallIwander · 08/08/2023 17:16

My children have always sat at the table to eat and no tablets or phones allowed.
They are 13,11 and 9 now and it still applies.

We don't have pudding every day but they won't get it if they haven't eat at least some veg.
we've never been a family which sits on the sofa in front of the TV to eat. I don't like having food in bedrooms/ lounge.

My mum drives me nuts when she comes around, takes something to eat and doesn't bother getting a plate and dropping crumbs on the floor and sofa. 🙄

However did you learn the social skills mentioned on this thread with such a terrible example for a mother? Did your teachers have to do it all, as posters seem to expect happens when parents don’t?

Sage71 · 08/08/2023 19:45

Not the next day but when my boys were young I would put their food in the fridge and if they came back later that evening complaining they were hungry I would whip it out saying just as well I kept it for you. It went in the bin once they went to bed. They always sat to the table although when smaller on a booster as a regular chair is too low.

limitedperiodonly · 08/08/2023 20:58

@Sausagenbacon I expect by the time your grandson is 36 not six his dreadful eating habits will have ironed out.

It not, as you are probably my age, 59, you will be dead or addled so it won't matter.

Original poster
Sausagenbacon · 08/08/2023 21:22

Thanks for all your responses, they've been interesting. I was just chatting to my friend, who's a dentist about this, and she said that allowing children to eat whenever they like (or adults) is terrible for their teeth. Which I'd not thought of.
I must admit what surprised me in the answer were the parents who pander to their children's whims.

OP posts:
LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 08/08/2023 22:16

No they’ll just be undisciplined pains in the bum in lots of areas for future partners and colleagues to work/live with!!

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 08/08/2023 22:16

limitedperiodonly · 08/08/2023 20:58

@Sausagenbacon I expect by the time your grandson is 36 not six his dreadful eating habits will have ironed out.

It not, as you are probably my age, 59, you will be dead or addled so it won't matter.

No they’ll just be undisciplined pains in the bum in lots of areas for future partners and colleagues to work/live with!!

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 08/08/2023 22:19

Cucucucu · 08/08/2023 16:40

Yes because 6 month babies use a knife and fork . Such ridiculous idea

Show quote history

Well no you were spoon fed back in the day until you could use a spoon yourself.

I don’t see what fingering food does for a child’s development that they can’t get at messy play in a nursery group.

LittleBearPad · 08/08/2023 22:22

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 08/08/2023 22:19

Well no you were spoon fed back in the day until you could use a spoon yourself.

I don’t see what fingering food does for a child’s development that they can’t get at messy play in a nursery group.

Show quote history

It teaches them to pick stuff up and put it in their mouths, that involves pincer grip, dexterity, knowing how to aim for their mouths etc.

I sincerely doubt that you never gave your children grapes or apple/carrot slices, bread sticks or cheese cubes whilst they were weaning

Blossomtoes · 08/08/2023 22:34

It teaches them to pick stuff up and put it in their mouths, that involves pincer grip, dexterity, knowing how to aim for their mouths etc

So does playing with wooden bricks. Babies put everything in their mouths.

Deadringer · 08/08/2023 22:34

My dc always ate at the table, we dont really eat pudding, 3 of them ate everything, the other two are very picky but we did our best to ensure that they all had a reasonably healthy, varied diet. However that's my standards for my dc. If and when I have grandkids I will keep my beak out, and so should you op.

LittleBearPad · 08/08/2023 22:37

Blossomtoes · 08/08/2023 22:34

It teaches them to pick stuff up and put it in their mouths, that involves pincer grip, dexterity, knowing how to aim for their mouths etc

So does playing with wooden bricks. Babies put everything in their mouths.

But bricks aren’t going to teach them to eat.

We get it - you don’t like blw. That’s fine. You don’t have to do it. But like another poster I very much doubt you never gave your children finger food?

LittleBearPad · 08/08/2023 22:38

And regardless blw doesn’t mean you never use cutlery and it doesn’t mean children are allowed to get up and down from the table whenever they like. So it’s largely irrelevant to OP’s concerns

ACTIVE123 · 08/08/2023 23:04

100% agree with you. My nephews are like this and drives me mad. What happened to good old fashioned table manners? I understand at toddler age 4 and under, but from 6 they need to be taught to sit at the table and eat and wait for others to finish before they leave the table. Frankly wandering around whilst eating as I see kids do all the time is a health and safety hazard and can lead to choking.

MrsMorrisey · 08/08/2023 23:12

Call me old fashioned but when my kids sat at the table, they had to stay there until either they were finished or if they didn't, they still had to wait for others to finish.

I think that is polite and shows respect to other family members.

Getting up and walking away is rude. Of course a child doesn't perceive it as rude at that age as they are not aware but that's what we teach them for.

You're preparing them for the future.

It would I annoy me too OP but being the grandma, it makes it difficult to enforce without looking too strict.
It's a tricky position to be in.

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 09/08/2023 06:29

LittleBearPad · 08/08/2023 22:22

It teaches them to pick stuff up and put it in their mouths, that involves pincer grip, dexterity, knowing how to aim for their mouths etc.

I sincerely doubt that you never gave your children grapes or apple/carrot slices, bread sticks or cheese cubes whilst they were weaning

Show quote history

A snack is one thing. A hot meal is another.

Tinybrother · 09/08/2023 06:29

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 08/08/2023 22:19

Well no you were spoon fed back in the day until you could use a spoon yourself.

I don’t see what fingering food does for a child’s development that they can’t get at messy play in a nursery group.

Show quote history

the objections to BLW on the basis that it’s confusing to introduce plates and cutlery later (even though many introduce them from the start) are as mad as saying that they will never learn how to use a spoon if you spoon feed them

LittleBearPad · 09/08/2023 07:57

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 09/08/2023 06:29

A snack is one thing. A hot meal is another.

Show quote history

You’ll eat hot meals with your fingers, pizza for example. Hamburgers and chips, panini etc. You won’t eat soup or a roast dinner but it’s not as cut and dried as you suggest.

Caiti19 · 09/08/2023 08:07

This reminds me of the thread about kids table manners on the continent being so good. I think this up and down behaviour is very common. I've seen it loads with my kids' friends. Table manners are important to me, so I teach them from day one. No wandering. When you're finished, you don't get up until your siblings/friends have also finished eating. It's not just about manners. These habits affect health too in the long run.

Tinybrother · 09/08/2023 08:32

“This reminds me of the thread about kids table manners on the continent being so good”

me too, including the made-up nonsense and sweeping assumptions about how children behave and are raised “on the continent” from people who clearly have very little direct experience

pumpkinspice87 · 09/08/2023 12:22

Sausagenbacon · 08/08/2023 21:22

Thanks for all your responses, they've been interesting. I was just chatting to my friend, who's a dentist about this, and she said that allowing children to eat whenever they like (or adults) is terrible for their teeth. Which I'd not thought of.
I must admit what surprised me in the answer were the parents who pander to their children's whims.

Good god. When I first read your post, I did not necessarily agree with all your concerns, but I was sympathetic as I saw you as a Grandmother who just wants the best for her family. But not only have you started a thread where you are quite happy for strangers to jump in and to talk about how badly behaved your grandchild is and what terrible parents he has, now you are seeking for your friends to join in on the bashing. I thought being a grandparent was supposed to be enjoyable? Let it go!

limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2023 19:20

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 08/08/2023 22:16

No they’ll just be undisciplined pains in the bum in lots of areas for future partners and colleagues to work/live with!!

Show quote history

Can you give me an example from your life or work where this has caused a major problem in your adult life?

I mean a serious problem, not one where you have tutted and resolved not to go out with the person to a restaurant ever again or to try to distance yourself from anything but essential work situations.

I have done that with people for various reasons but they are not pain in the bum that I have to work or live with because I choose to separate myself from them unless I absolutely have to.

If you think they are ill mannered and unworthy of your company then withdraw yourself. They are probably happy doing what they are doing, but I bet it's not running around restaurants aged 36.

heyitsthistle · 09/08/2023 19:30

I have two DDs, aged 2 and 3.5.

The eldest is very good at sitting at the table, doesn't put her elbows on the table and chews with her mouth shut.

The younger one is a bit more wild and does that bobbing up and down thing and it's so annoying. I am trying my best to get her to behave well, but she is a lot harder when it comes to dinner time. She does at least stay in her seat and doesn't wander around.

I'm also starting to introduce only eat snacks in the dining room/kitchen which should hopefully reduce the mess in the living room.

Iwasafool · 09/08/2023 19:32

Sausagenbacon · 08/08/2023 21:22

Thanks for all your responses, they've been interesting. I was just chatting to my friend, who's a dentist about this, and she said that allowing children to eat whenever they like (or adults) is terrible for their teeth. Which I'd not thought of.
I must admit what surprised me in the answer were the parents who pander to their children's whims.

I eat when I like, what I like, and at 70 I have all my teeth, no idea what an extraction is like. I eat too much sugar as well. I bet your friend would be horrified.

limitedperiodonly · 09/08/2023 19:53

Thanks for all your responses, they've been interesting. I was just chatting to my friend, who's a dentist about this, and she said that allowing children to eat whenever they like (or adults) is terrible for their teeth. Which I'd not thought of.
I must admit what surprised me in the answer were the parents who pander to their children's whims.

@Sausagenbacon oh you care about children's teeth now? That is a serious health issue. But as long as your grandson's parents look after his dental health that is not a problem for him. Do you have any reason to think they aren't doing that? Do you have any reason to believe other parents are not looking after their childrens' health, dental or otherwise and pandering to their whims?

Mostly parents are intensely focused on the welfare of their child. I am sure you were with yours.

Letitgonowgr · 09/08/2023 19:59

I have a 5 year old and always encourage him to sit at the table, use a knife and fork and eat as much as he can. There wouldn’t be any wandering around because in that case I’d assume he wasn’t hungry! We used to offer alternatives but realised he was just playing up! He eats a lot better now.

His parents need to enforce eating time rules as he should be seated for a meal rather than up and down.. not only is it rude, it can’t be great for digestion!

However, my son wouldn’t like that meal but you did say you checked!