Grandchildren's eating habits AIBU?

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I love my grandson, but feel irritated about his eating habits. I'm posting here to see if this behaviour is the new normal and I'm being picky.
He's 6. I cooked a meal for them yesterday - a bit of salad and some tortellini, with sauce to add if they wanted to i.e. deliberately bland (but this applies to all meals we have with them).
So, firstly, he doesn't sit down at the table, but kneels or leans. Then he takes a mouth or two, and then wanders off. Then, a few minutes later, he reappears and might take a bit more, or, if what he wants is gone, gets given something else, like toast.
and then, about 30 minutes later, he'll want some of the pudding. And get given it.
I always used to say (when I had children) that you didn't get pudding if you hadn't eaten at least some of the main course and, once you'd got down from the table, that was it and you had to wait until the next meal.
Parenting is hard enough, without making it harder than needs be.
AIBU?

So not rare then?

Why do so many poster assume the child will have to do x y z at school maybe he goes to school maybe he doesn't. It's hardly relevant.
As for the eating it's non of your business you provided food it's not your place to police how he eats it. These days we know better and understand children have autonomy. Maybe complete an online parenting class privately or read some modern books.

Some parents don’t give a shit about table manners or things that involve enforcing rules on kids.

I’m strict, verging on old-fashioned when it comes to manners generally. I expect respectful behaviour, draw clear lines in the sand with consequence and hope it’ll stand them in good stead.

Am I having fun? Well if I am, you certainly don’t seem to have much fun.

i don’t know why grandparents blame the parents for crap parenting. If it’s parents’ fault then surely it’s also the grandparents’ fault for raising such shit parents? And the great grandparents for raising parents who raised shit parents? Etc

or maybe, it’s just not really that bad and most people are doing their best

@Tighginn

give over Hun

So 80% do?

Please explain more, I don’t understand this response

This.

Tortelli is hardly plain. Its fancy pasta.

"Hey does X eat pasta?" "Yeah sure he loves plain food"

OP then makes tortelli and salad on the basis that kid has eaten tomatoes in the past too.

And kid is in a house where sitting at the table for food rather than in front of the tv is the norm. And thats lots of other distracting things going on so they wander off. The OP is unwilling to intervene and remind the six year old to sit at the table - she expects them the self regulate a behaviour that they are not used to in circumstances that aren't normal.

Cos here's the thing: when we were kids and we went to the grandparents we'd damn well do what they told us cos we were scared of being told off by them. It wasn't a parenting thing. It was a grandparenting thing.

I certainly don't believe in making the dinner table a rigid, formal affair, or expecting them to finish everything on their plate etc, but there is nothing wrong with expecting children to sit at the table until they've finished. Barring additional needs, they are perfectly capable of doing so at 6 years old!

I could not be bothered.

Letting a child eat for hours is what makes parenting harder than it needs to be, which was OP’s point, I think.

As children we ate dinner in a 30-45 minute window, at the table, then it was cleared up and the kitchen was cleaned. And that was that, we could go back to playing and my parents could put their feet up.

I don’t have children yet but I’ll be damned if I let them “eat for hours” and wander away from the table willy nilly. It’s not tolerated in schools, at restaurants and other family members’ houses, so it won’t be tolerated in mine!

The discrepancy in eating together in UK vs. Europe is often put down to our longer working hours and higher rates of poverty/lack of food. UK hs more families where both parents work etc.

However people do still eat together for special occasions because it retains an important place in our culture.

If we didn’t remind her and set an example my 5.5 year old would be wandering off and picking bits of food. She also sometimes kneels on the chair and sits funny - so annoying but we just gently remind her. The No pudding until you finish your meal thing is ridiculous and I had a bit of a disagreement with my husband when he tried to enforce it. If you are full, or don’t like the taste of the food, why would you eat it all? As an adult we wouldn’t do that, so why force a child to eat when they don’t want to…it’s horrible for them! Mine is allowed pudding when she hasn’t eaten all her first course.

I wouldn't necessarily expect my kids to finish something on pain of not getting a pudding, but I do expect them to at least try everything before they declare they don't like it.

And getting up/wandering off in the middle of a meal is absolutely not tolerated and would irritate the shit out of me.

Lots of families fail to sit down to eat dinner together even if they have a dining table.

This is because of work commitments, time constraints after school due to extra activities, lack of space or because we've fallen into this weird belief system that children need bland food which is different to what their parents eat.

Why are you being so rude to people? You did not state any of this in your original post, that you asked his parents what he'd like or that he always wanders off. People have read your original post and you didn't state any of that.

Perhaps you need to work on your communications skills and manners as much as your grandson needs to work on his table manners.

UK hs more families where both parents work etc.

Longer working hrs, definitely. Both parents work, definitely not. I’m in Scandinavia, I don’t know anyone who is a SAHP. To sit around the table and eat together is without a doubt the norm here.

My DS needs constant reminders to SIT DOWN when eating. No idea why - it's an expectation at every single meal time and has been since he started solids! And yet, he leans, perches half a bum cheek on the chair and kneels. And is told to stop it and sit properly every single time.

My kids get meal and pudding together, and can eat it in whatever order they want. They do not have to finish the meal, but there is no other food until next planned time, no alternative meals etc.

“Lots of families don’t” is different to “rare”, which was what I was querying. I know lots of families with fully English backgrounds who do eat together so the evidence of the people you and I know is neither here nor there. I don’t know about “old fashioned parenting” because I’m not really sure how you define that, the “modern way” you talk about doesn’t reflect many people I know, other than those with children with diverse needs who often need adaptations around mealtimes - but again, that’s just people
i know.

It does sound like it's not easy for him to reach the table comfortably whilst sitting so I'd offer him a higher chair or a cushion/booster. I'd give him a small portion that he's likely to finish in one go. I'm pretty easy-going about food and don't force my kid to eat food she isn't hungry for (having said that we're a pair of massive hippies and everything tends to be reasonably wholefood/healthy round here) but my kid stays at the table until she's finished.

She also understands that other adults at other houses have different rules and will expect her to finish what she's given, although I do ask them to give her a small portion as I don't want her to get into the habit of stuffing herself with food once she's not hungry to "win" a treat.