Parent/teacher swearing at pupils

[Passe]

Still a bit gobsmacked by tonight's events so just wanted some rational thoughts as to what I should do.

DD (15) has just come home from a party at a school friend's house. Large group of them, alcohol was available but parents were present.
DD isn't particularly closely to the group at school but was pleased to be xx

At one point a few of them disappeared and DD went to find them. They were all v drubk and smoking weed. One girl in particular was out of it and started vomiting. DD held back her hair and said they needed to get the girl back to her house (nearby).

Not sure of the details but basically they got the girl home and the mum answered the door.
She took one look at her DD and started screaming at all the friends
"Fuck off you fucking little Cs; how dare you let my DD get like this...why the fuck didn't you stop her... you little fucks!!... etc etc...."

This in itself isn't great, especially as this girl has form for getting obliterated, but the worst of it is that this woman is DD's teacher!!!
Several witnesses, including another parent have verified what was said and whilst of course I get she was shocked and worried, also that this happened out of school; I am utterly appalled by her language.

I did ask DD if the teacher realised it was her students she was ranting at and DD said absolutely.

I'm not sure what to do now. DD is about to go into year 11 and is worried about any fallout or amniosity. from this teacher. It is a private school with small class sizes so no hiding from this woman! Another parent is going to raise a formal complaint but I'm not sure whether I just tell DD to keep her head down and obviously steer clear of any more parties with this girl.

One positive is that it's shown my DD the dangers of getting paralytic, especially young girls. I hope

The party parents drunk, stoned who knows ?

Unlikely even at a private school tbh.

A lot of 15y drink at parties. Schools aren't going to expel kids for drinking alcohol.
It's not even technically illegal.

The drugs - more of an issue as illegal but again unlikely ime.

Most schools would, ime, take a far dinner view of the teacher's behaviour than that if the children in this situation.

I hear it daily.

It's not said to a bunch of our pupil though.

I am amazed by the number of people defending the teacher
Only speaking for myself, I wouldn't say I defend her actions. She shouldn't have done it and it breaks Part 2 of the standards.

In the OP's situation I wouldn't complain to school though, unless I was very clear what I wanted to achieve.

I'm vastly more concerned about the events that have left Year 10 children this vulnerable, that the adults seem to facilitate a dangerous level of alcohol consumption, and there's an established drug problem in Year 10. I'm also very concerned that a child in a very vulnerable state had her welfare and safety in the hands of also vulnerable 15 year olds.

If parents want to put a formal complaint in, they can and I imagine the teacher will be spoken to regarding their unprofessional outburst. It wasn't acceptable.

I would also imagine that when the investigation happens that the parents wanting to raise complaints will be suddenly very annoyed when in the investigation their own children's exposure to risky levels of alcohol consumption and drug use are brought up.

The teachervobviously thought your dd and her friends,were responsible for her dds condition.were they?

At every school I've worked at, if there is evidence of drug use, you're gone. We had a student in year 11 a couple of years ago who was getting all 8s and 9s, had never been in trouble, not even a forgotten piece of homework etc. There was a photo of them smoking weed at a friend's house on Instagram. Their HoY found out and they were gone, that was it. There might be some schools who permit it, but I think you are underestimating the consequences it could actually get.

I hear it daily.

It's not said to a bunch of our pupil though.

God no. That would be terrible. Again, this is why context matters

I've known of a number of secondary schools where drugs have been involved outside of school, and the child/ren have remained at that school. Even where there's been photographic evidence.

Infact I only know of one where a sixth former was expelled (private school) - but they were seen to be dealing on site. Those who bought it remained at the school.

The schools I know of tend to only expel if it's onsite use. If it's outside then they will put on extra pHSE/assemblies about the issues, or even speak to the child/parent. I've not known any to expel a 15y about to do GCSEs who were smoking weed at a house party.

*And context will be considered by the appropriate people (if it is reported) when they determine the appropriate course of action.

That said, I don't think 'scared mother' washes here as some sort of excuse. Screaming at, and calling the teenagers that get your daughter home after she has drank herself to that state, 'fucking cunts' is not a normal or acceptable reaction to seeing your daughter drunk. It really isn't.*

Tbh, I honestly doubt it was a reaction to a nice , polite knock on the door and "Hi Miss X , sorry to bother you buy Jenny got really sick and we thought it's best we bring her home."

More likely they were being very loud,stupid, giggly, also drunk, sneering and taking the piss .I've seen how vindictive and awful kids can be to a kid whose parent works at their school and their extreme willingness and glee to take both the child and the parent down a peg or two.

Of course, it is unacceptable and completely unprofessional but I think there’s a difference between doing it in a professional context and doing it outside of work as a one off if you were shocked or upset by something.

We’re all human and we all make mistakes and maybe this lady has other things going on her life or was simply really worried. Just my opinion 🙂

I don't think I would react like that to pupils under any situation, but mind you I've never had pupils I teach actually turn up on my doorstep in a group, a place I would expect to be safe to be myself not "a teacher".

Nope. suspected Drug use in every school I have worked in state and private would involve the police and would be disciplined in this instance of it was that another pupil had given drugs to a fellow pupil they would be expelled

Not in the private schools I attended and worked in.

The teacher would be disciplined but with the context that would mean an official warning on their record and would probably be told to apologise to the students for the language they used, but the students would also be disciplined and there would be a high probability of them being suspended and/or expelled.

The private school I attended had a zero drink/drugs policy and were very strict - there was someone in my year who was found paraletic down a back alley by some teachers when they were on a night out of their own, they took her home and reported it to the school, she was expelled on the Monday despite the fact we were due to go on GCSE study leave that week.

The schools I worked at had similar policies - any drink/drugs allegations were investigated fully whether on school time or not and if there was any kind of hard evidence then they were straight out of the door.

I think people are missing the point that this isn't just a teacher, it's OP's daughters teacher. So all this 'would you report her if she was a nurse/ something else, doesn't apply.

And yes, teachers swear away from school, but seriously, calling one of her pupils a fucking cunt? No, that's not acceptable, however stressed and angry you are.

Taking OP's account on trust, and that her DD was not one of those drinking or smoking weed, yes, I'd be concerned that this teacher clearly thinks that she did. And that she's angry enough with her to call her what she did. The chances that she treats DD based on that belief in a few weeks would bother me a lot.

If we're going to say that teachers are human enough to swear to that degree, we have to accept that she might be human enough to treat DD unfairly at school.

@Passe, have you actually spoken to your DD now and confirmed what happened?

This. Leave the teacher mother alone.

I expect that DD has a different story today.

Ok so hard hat on, this is DD's account...
The party started in the house but by the time DD arrived they had moved to a park, 5 minute equidistant between host and teacher's house. They are neighbours.

DD saw the girl drinking but said she seemed ok. They then started smoking weed (DD said she and a few others didn't touch it - I'm taking her at her word) and the girl started vomiting. She was very close to passing out and DD tried to help.

The hosts elder daughter appeared (not the parents) and between them they got the girl home.
The teacher must have heard something as she was waiting on the doorstep. At the same time the host parent finally showed up.
The teacher shouted at the teens and what followed was a full scale row between the 2 adults as to who was responsible!

From what I understand the girl did exactly the same thing last week so why she was allowed to attend in the 1st place I am unsure.

Total shitshow, both parents blaming each other

Having read your update - just don't get involved.

You've got enough on your plate with handling your own daughter and restricting her attendance at these "parties". She's only finishing year 10, she's really too young for you to send her to parties where kids get paralytically drunk and high.

I've taught at private schools my whole career - admittedly mostly boys - and the parties with drink and weed seem to start in year 12 mostly from what I gather as a form tutor. Not year 10. So this is not "normal for private schools" as some pp have implied.

If this happened last week as well, why did you allow your daughter to attend a similar event this week?

You have got to get a handle on this - all this focus on the swearing teacher is you ignoring the niggle in your head that you should be managing your own dd better imo.

That teacher was incredibly lucky. In my current and in my previous school, they would have faced, at best, a disciplinary resulting in a written warning and at worst been sacked for gross misconduct

With that update I'd stay well out of it OP.

It sounds like a shit show and the adults involved need to be keeping a closer eye on their 15 year olds so that they're not getting paralytic, high and put in dangerous situations on a weekly basis.

Why do Year 10 pupils need to have parents facilitating their alcohol and drug habits?

I agree to stay out of it. Let the other parents sort it out between themselves.

for saying the f word, once?

For verbally abusing a child or children, which is what the OP said happened.

If anyone called any of us here a c*nt, then we'd quite rightfully be pulled up on it. According to the OP, the f-bomb was dropped twice and the c-bomb at least once. Directed at the kids.

My ex husband got pulled into a disciplinary for far less than that.

stay out of it OP and your daughter should do the same, this won't end well!