Parent/teacher swearing at pupils

[Passe]

Still a bit gobsmacked by tonight's events so just wanted some rational thoughts as to what I should do.

DD (15) has just come home from a party at a school friend's house. Large group of them, alcohol was available but parents were present.
DD isn't particularly closely to the group at school but was pleased to be xx

At one point a few of them disappeared and DD went to find them. They were all v drubk and smoking weed. One girl in particular was out of it and started vomiting. DD held back her hair and said they needed to get the girl back to her house (nearby).

Not sure of the details but basically they got the girl home and the mum answered the door.
She took one look at her DD and started screaming at all the friends
"Fuck off you fucking little Cs; how dare you let my DD get like this...why the fuck didn't you stop her... you little fucks!!... etc etc...."

This in itself isn't great, especially as this girl has form for getting obliterated, but the worst of it is that this woman is DD's teacher!!!
Several witnesses, including another parent have verified what was said and whilst of course I get she was shocked and worried, also that this happened out of school; I am utterly appalled by her language.

I did ask DD if the teacher realised it was her students she was ranting at and DD said absolutely.

I'm not sure what to do now. DD is about to go into year 11 and is worried about any fallout or amniosity. from this teacher. It is a private school with small class sizes so no hiding from this woman! Another parent is going to raise a formal complaint but I'm not sure whether I just tell DD to keep her head down and obviously steer clear of any more parties with this girl.

One positive is that it's shown my DD the dangers of getting paralytic, especially young girls. I hope

Unless you've been in that position personally you can't really judge.

Your 15 year old daughter had gone to a party supervised by parents and yet has been brought back in such a state BY OTHER KIDS (not adults). Who knows what else might have happened.

Their job at that moment in time was that of a mother. A certain concerned and angry mother.

I probably would have reacted the same way!

Maybe you would. I've managed not to call anyone a fucking cunt in all my 51 years, regardless of how much I've had to drink or what stressful or worrying situations I've been in. I have teenagers. I would certainly be annoyed and worried if one of them were brought back home in that state, but I absolutely certainly wouldn't be hurling abuse at the kids who kindly delivered them home.

That's the thing though – OP hadn't at the time of posting even heard her DD's account!

My OP is a teacher. He is not a saint, he likes a beer and he sometimes swears. The idea that he should be accountable 24/7 throughout the school holidays is ridiculous. If you were actually a teacher and did a teacher's workload and understood the pressure teachers are under you would agree with that.

Maybe that is partly because I'm a teacher. I'm not a very sweary person anyway, but you should develop a pretty iron-hard filter as a teacher.

You're going to ruin a woman's career over this. I'm a teacher and this could potentially lead to her employers sacking her especially if she's an older teacher on upper pay scale. Academy schools will do anything to get the higher paid teachers out and they would use this. She was clearly at her wits end and guess what? Human beings make mistakes. Some people on this post clearly believe they are beyond reproach, it's embarrassing.

Another thing. Teenagers, especially teenage girls, exaggerate. They will have exaggerated this situation even more because they know that they were in the wrong.

Leave it, it will be awful for that whole family and you will never forgive yourself.

I pointed out that your example is not a good one.
. I was merely giving one example of another situation in which it would not be ok for somebody to hurl offensive abuse at a person with whom they have a professional relationship

In a private school the parent pays extra money to become a consumer of a premium product. Some go with the "I pay your wages so I am your boss".

Your example an office had a number of professional relationships. You could have went drunk boss powerless employee.

Your example put the child in charge of the teacher

An office employee is expected to create work product such as a neatly filed report.
A teacher is is expected to create work product too, this would be an educated student

This student did receive an education of what a very cross mother looks like when her 15 year old daughter comes home after using drink and drugs

If the teacher and OP had been parents in a rough estate the language would be eyebrow raising but I suspect not sufficiently bad to go after the teachers job.

I wonder if there's a back story OP isn't sharing, like her DD and her group of friends being a nightmare to teach and behaving like mean girls to the teacher's daughter, ie. nice to her face, bitches behind her back. Yes, that is me absolutely assuming and stretching plausibility before everyone piles on, but for the teacher to call them the c-word, knowing the professional implications, it makes you wonder!

You're going to ruin a woman's career over this.

Come off it. Let's be clear, if you breach your professional standards by aggressively shouting at children over which you are in a position of power (regardless of whether it is term time or not, or whether you are stressed or worried) and calling them 'fucking cunts', and are later sanctioned for that behaviour because it is deemed to be a sufficiently serious breach in the context of the event, the person that reports you is not the person that has ruined your career. You are, because it's your behaviour that caused it.

Let's hope your daughter doesn't also get expelled for smoking and drinking eh.

You are accountable 24/7 when it comes to your own behaviour around your own students. It wouldn’t be acceptable for your partner to drunkenly kiss one of his pupils, just because it’s the summer holidays and he’s not at work. There are some things you just don’t do as a teacher, and that includes calling your pupils cunts. It’s one of the reasons that lots of young teachers I know don’t go out/get drunk in the towns that they teach in, to avoid being put in awkward positions.

My partner is also a teacher, I have worked in multiple schools (including as an unqualified teacher) so I imagine I understand the pressure that teachers are under at least as well as you do, but probably better. So no, I wouldn’t feel differently if I was ‘actually’ a teacher 🙄

Context matters. She didn't say it because they'd forgotten their homework! She's made a mistake and will pay a heavy price emotionally for it. Having a hand in ruining her life is just mean mummy behaviour. People make mistakes. It's not the worst thing in the world. To be fair I wouldn't be surprised if the girls and other present adults are exaggerating. It happens. Adults are petty. I was accused of bullying a teenage girl because I insisted that do her work. Parents came in and everything. Leave the woman be. She's probably a fantastic teacher and we cannot afford to lose any more. They are leaving in their droves and it's not because of the pay, despite what the media tell us. They are human beings. No room for righteousness in this situation. She is probably fuming at the adults who allowed teenagers to drink and smoke weed.

Why do people keep trying to make their points by making up things that didn't happen? It's preposterous.

The teacher didn't kiss anyone. Nor did she slap anyone or throw things at anyone as someone else suggested in their 'what if' scenario.

I quite agree.

So so so so true!!!!!!

I’m not making stuff up. I was giving an alternative example to help make my point that teachers are not allowed to just do whatever they want because it happens to be the school holidays.

So how far do you take the analogies? ' what if a teacher shoots someone in the summer holidays' ?? . It's unhelpful and totally irrelevant to start making these analogies! Of course teachers can't do whatever they want but on this point in question it is clearly a reaction to a very scary situation

Context matters. She didn't say it because they'd forgotten their homework!

And context will be considered by the appropriate people (if it is reported) when they determine the appropriate course of action.

That said, I don't think 'scared mother' washes here as some sort of excuse. Screaming at, and calling the teenagers that get your daughter home after she has drank herself to that state, 'fucking cunts' is not a normal or acceptable reaction to seeing your daughter drunk. It really isn't.

She's made a mistake and will pay a heavy price emotionally for it. Having a hand in ruining her life is just mean mummy behaviour.

Bollocks is it 'mean'. If it was any other adult screaming like that at a child, the Op would be told to report them in a heartbeat. Teachers being under appreciated and put through the ringer at work is a very serious issue but it doesn't give them carte blanche to behave like this and be let off for it because they have a tough career. Plenty of people do, including other teachers, and manage not to behave like that. Had I shouted at a client like that I'd be out on my ear in a heartbeat and would have deserved it.

People make mistakes. It's not the worst thing in the world.

Aggressively swearing at children isn't a 'mistake'. It's poor judgement.

To be fair I wouldn't be surprised if the girls and other present adults are exaggerating. It happens. Adults are petty.

Based on what, exactly? You're just projecting. There's nothing to suggest that from the information we have.

I was accused of bullying a teenage girl because I insisted that do her work. Parents came in and everything.

Which is irrelevant to this unless you're the teacher or called her a fucking cunt for it. Again, you're projecting.

Leave the woman be. She's probably a fantastic teacher and we cannot afford to lose any more.

She might be an absolutely brilliant teacher or an absolutely shit one. You have no way of knowing that. Regardless, it's irrelevant. Being a good teacher or not doesn't mean Op needs to feel bad if she chooses to report this incident.

They are leaving in their droves and it's not because of the pay, despite what the media tell us. They are human beings. No room for righteousness in this situation.

They aren't leaving because they're being sanctioned for aggressively shouting abuse at children either.

She is probably fuming at the adults who allowed teenagers to drink and smoke weed.

Then she should deal with those adults appropriately. Not shout abuse at children.

As a teenager, if that had been my teacher, I wouldn't trust them again. I wouldn't feel comfortable that she wouldn't treat me like a troublemaker or that it wouldn't affect my grades, and I wouldn't feel comfortable going to her with issues. The relationship would have been seriously damaged and it would take a long time to get back to where it needs to be. Given Op's DD is about to go into her GCSE year, i don't blame her for being concerned.

I think more info would be helpful.

Which adult took the daughter home?
Why did other children go?

I see no reason for a whole gang of children to troop up to the door with the drunk child to pass her over to their parent.

They wanted to see her home? Well staying in the car and allowing the adult to take the drunk child to their parents achieves this.

By all trooping up to the door it implies they wanted to see their teacher and her reaction.

The parent taking the drunk child home should have insisted either the other children didn't come or they stayed in the car when he took her to the door, knowing the child's parent was a teacher and also that it was likely she'd be upset/cross.

I really think the parents of the party have a lot to do with this awful situation, by allowing children to drink to excess and take drugs, and also by not returning the child in a sensitive way.

My OP is a teacher. He is not a saint, he likes a beer and he sometimes swears. The idea that he should be accountable 24/7 throughout the school holidays is ridiculous. If you were actually a teacher and did a teacher's workload and understood the pressure teachers are under you would agree with that.

I'm not a saint and I sometimes swear. And no, I don't think everything I do should be held up to scrutiny 24/7 throughout the holidays just because I'm a teacher. That doesn't mean it's ok for me to shout abuse at my students because we're not in school! Some people (including some MNers) think they have the right to expect teachers not to have a private life or ever drink or enjoy themselves in public. That is completely unreasonable. Expecting a teacher not to behave like the one in the OP is not at all unreasonable though.

I very much agree with this. The fault is hers, for aggressively swearing at the children she is in a position of power over, not ops for reporting it.

Tbh, a teacher who is willing to call their students "fucking cunts" probably doesn't have the right values to be in a position of power over anyone.

Some of you should hear what is said in staff rooms! Your noses would bleed

You better hope the teacher doesn't report the parents and kids for drug use.

Wasn't it drunk teens that took the girl home ?

I thought the child was 45 mins away?

Right. That's my mistake, the op lives 45 mins from the drunk child. I guess the party happened much closer.

I still think the adults at the party should have dear with returning the child in a more sensitive way. They could have called the parent first so she had a chance to calm down before her child returned or even pick her up herself.

100% all of this.

Op implies that her dd ought to have been thanked when really it sounds like she had no business tagging along when the other parent was taking the ill girl home.

It sounds like dd just wanted the drama, and she got it.

I'd be having the sternest of words with my dd if I was op.