To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Why does it matter? DH is in my familys group chat. He rarely posts.
Im in his family chat. They all post in chinese 🙈 Im just there for the once in a while they send useful info about holidays. I never send anything. Photos from outings DH posts there and i do in my fam chat. I reply when asked directly, but other than that i usually just dont look at it 😃

Just out of curiosity- you've mentioned "brothers" but only one SIL.

Are any other brothers married and those SIL not in the group at all?

Or is only one brother married?

Good night, John-Boy. Good night, Elizabeth. Good night, daddy. Good night, mama. Good night, Mary Ellen. Good night, Jim Bob

She's op t off

😂

YABU, deleting her from the group chat would be petty.

You already ignore her when she does post photos of YOUR nephews/nieces, yet you closely monitor when she's online - so why would she bother to be active in your group chat.

I feel sorry for your SIL TBH

Omg you sound insane and incredibly controlling. She does not need to wish your mum good morning every day at all. Its not up to you to dictate this ! She may be like me and rarely (virtually never) post on social media and she may feel that whatapp family chat is for immediate family only and is trying to be respectful. You honestly sound incredibly intimidating and i feel so sorry for sil. I bet you would complain if she did post daily to whatsapp and accuse her of over stepping family boundaries and sucking up to mil. I fear you would never be happy with how she reacted. Please delete her and free the poor girl !

OP have you done the very thing your accusing sil of ? I.e. not replying ? Pot, kettle , much !

🤣🤣

As above

She doesn't say hello but when she posts a photo of your niece or nephew and purposely ignore it - petty and spiteful.

I think you should delete her. My ILs have a group message exactly like this and I can only wish I could offend someone enough to gain blessed release.

Bloody hell I'd be muting the chat too. Op it's far too much!
Don't delete her it'll cause issues. She's not doing any harm.

I think you and your family members really need to get a life! Poor SIL.

Not read the thread but no way would I be wishing everybody good morning. Just feeling obligated to would annoy me and I'm not a morning person.

If somebody got pissy with me about something like this they'd be getting the good morning message at 5am every day when I get up for work!

If she's muted the chat then she does enjoy the daily chats that you all do. Where so the flexibility here? Does she HAVE to interact with you the way you're all used to, even if she's more reserved?

Give her more leeway, show some kindness, and you might be surprised that she warms up to you a bit more.

I loathed the "family hive mind" of my ex in laws and was delighted to bin the lot of them when my marriage broke up.

You make it sound like you believe she is making some calculated decision to ignore every message to show how much she doesn't care about you all, rather than once months ago she went "christ they message a lot of inane shite" and muted the chat.
She sends pictures in and responds when spoken to, why would she need to send daily pointless messages to a group to be 'part of the family'.

Maybe she talks to her mum on her own time, privately, like most people. Maybe she doesn't give a shit about you or your mum, or sending good morning texts to extended family members, as if they are all her needy teenage boyfriend.

Deleting her would be rude and unnecessary, and honestly not even your place- what if her mum likes the occasional photos of her kids or appreciates her replies to direct questions? why do you care if she doesn't read every message- it literally has no effect on you at all.

Does everyone have to wear matching jumpers at Christmas?

This!

Every morning you all message to say good morning?! Bloody hell.

Perfect !!!😂

I’d have muted you and archived you ages ago.

What the heck is wrong with your family? Why do you think your SIL is being rude? She isn’t doing anything wrong. She simply isn’t as engaged in absolutely inane, feed clogging chatter as the rest of you. Dropping her from the family chat would be impractical and beyond petty

LOL are you my inlaws? ok mine don't go as far as good morning but i hate group chats. So does DH. If you have somenting to say, give us a call or even text message. We removed ourselves..but they just start a new one and add us again! We usually are super busy and the last thing i really care about is that a 70 year old just brought a new stuffed teddy bear to add to their already cluttered dusty collection.

You are being MASSIVELY unreasonable OP; your poor SIL. You need to read the comments and not use the phrase ‘pile on’ as an excuse for your controlling behaviour. There’s a simple reason that the majority are critical of you, you’re in the wrong.

OMFG

But why do you care so much about it? If it’s something important then maybe message her away from the group chat or even call her but if it’s actually not important don’t worry about it, seriously, it’s not that big a deal. Don’t remove her you’ll look like a dick, just let her deal with her messages how she wants to.