To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Good Morning OP! Wishing you a happy day and your mum and your whole family! Hope the sun is shining and there are butterflies and all things happy in your world today. Please feel free to forward onto your mum. Happy days!

Morning all!

Morning all! 🌅

Morning OP!

I have the same issue. So I just created a second group and we post constantly in that one. Solved all the issues you are having

I use WhatsApp for work. If my phone pings I need to check to see if it was anything urgent. If my phone was pinging multiple times in the morning (you didn’t say how many people are on the group but based on what you said it sounds like it’s at least seven or eight), when I’m starting my day, that would be extremely irritating and far more intrusive than the one second you claim it would take her to say good morning. So yes, I would 100% mute this chat because I prefer to confine my messaging to actual messages with a purpose, and don’t want to have to check my phone 10 times before I leave the house just to discover it’s only Aunty Beryl saying good morning.

If it works for you and the rest then knock yourselves out but your SIL is not being rude by muting and not engaging.

おはようございます (good morning in Japanese)

Sabah khair

(good morning in Urdu)

Oh gosh, I feel bad now. My MIL has set up a group with myself and dh. On Tuesday, she posted a few updates about what she was up to with our dc as she was looking after them as we were in work. I appreciated the messages but didn't reply. DH did. I wasn't purposely ignoring her. I was just busy doing my paid employment job. I was late finishing so I didn't see her when I got I from work either. I hope she isn't offended. Not everyone loves group chats and wants to be on their phones all the time.

You are being completely and utterly unreasonable, I feel so sorry for your poor SIL.

It's completely normal for members of a group chat to vary how much they use it and how much they feel the need to be in touch. Some people are just more busy than others, even if they are "active" checking the messages they actually need to for organisational purposes. I'm in one with my family and often miss huge conversations as my sister lives overseas and it's always at an awkward time. I'm also in one with my DPs family (his brother, his wife and their friends and extended family) and yes it's on mute, because they post all the time and I'm not THAT invested. I occasionally comment when one of the nieces/nephews has achieved something, like a dance trophy. My DP has both family chats muted, as he doesn't actually like messaging all the time, he'd rather ring once a week or see people in the flesh. He's active on WhatsApp all the time, though, because work messages go through there, not to mention messages from me asking him to pick up some milk etc.

The difference is nobody comments that this is not enough from me or him and I need to be checking in daily for chit chat, because that would be bloody weird and massively overbearing.

This is one of those threads where the OP is so unreasonable it feels like it must be a reverse.

Christ. your poor SIL

You definitely would not have got different responses elsewhere 😂 You seem to lack self awareness.

You are not in the same house as each other. It is absolutely not an established tradition to say good morning to everyone you know, including the people who you aren't physically with (which could number in the hundreds or thousands). So it is not rude that she does not subscribe to this tradition that is entirely specific to you. It's incredibly self absorbed that you think it is.

And yes, she probably does avoid you and give the impression you aren't good enough for her, because you are WAY too intense.

What issues? The only issue the OP has is that SIL isn’t toeing the line in her eyes. It isn’t actually causing any problems, other than putting OP’s nose out of joint.

OP will be back NC and new thread bashing her SIL for all the other things the poor woman does that don't conform to her views. Look forward to that one.

How childish!

You set up another group because one of the participants in the original doesn’t respond enough? Really?

Good morning to you!

Jesus. How old are you? Absolutely ridiculous.

If you want to engage with her, send her a direct message. If not, leave her alone to write in the chat or not.

OP in going to presume that you are very young and don't have much experience in family dynamics when people get older/married etc. People don't have to reply to every single message that isn't directed at the . They don't have to say good morning every day just because you choose to. Your SIL may have lots on in the mornings and just has different priorities and that's quite ok. You say you don't see your brother as much but he's a grown man who can make his own choices of who he sees and when. You can't blame your SIL for that.

Nah. I have a group chat with my family and my SIL never really comments and i think fair enough. Shes included so she doesnt feel left out, and every now and again will post a photo of DN, but its mostly just me and my parents and DB rambling away. Cut her some slack

OP is out so can't respond.

Ok now i realise its just you who expects everyone else to be exactly like you or theres something wrong with them. "Its like the rest of us arent good enough for her!". How TF do you know that? Check your insecurities, get some ketchup for that massive chip on your shoulder and grow TF up.

Good morning everyone

I've spent more than a minute typing this message so I can prove that I want to be part of this community

Good morning OP