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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remove SIL from the group chat?

1000 replies

whyberude · 02/08/2023 10:35

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

OP posts:
greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 06:05

Good Morning

greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 06:07

whyberude · 02/08/2023 11:10

I don't care that she doesn't say it every day I care that she doesn't say it ever and that she leaves us unread for weeks and only replies if tagged directly. I don't care if she doesn't join in every morning. I care that she doesn't seem to be interested in being part of the family at all

Maybe you haven't made her feel like part of the family. Do you ask her how she is? Take an interest in her life at all?

salamanderdinosaur · 03/08/2023 06:07

Good morning

MrsCobbit · 03/08/2023 06:08

Good Morning

Lentilweaver · 03/08/2023 06:11

Buen Dia!

MissTrip82 · 03/08/2023 06:13

I’d mute a group wishing each other good morning every day. I prefer meaningful contact - it takes a lot more than a second.

CherryMaDeara · 03/08/2023 06:17

.

To remove SIL from the group chat?
Scirocco · 03/08/2023 06:28

Good morning!

GoodChat · 03/08/2023 06:29

Good morning everyone except OP as she's now muted our conversation. I'm going to ask MNHQ to remove her from the group.

BlastedIce · 03/08/2023 06:31

Good morning, c”mon OP, how long does it take to say good morning to us?

BlastedIce · 03/08/2023 06:31

GoodChat · 03/08/2023 06:29

Good morning everyone except OP as she's now muted our conversation. I'm going to ask MNHQ to remove her from the group.

😂

ItStopsHere · 03/08/2023 06:39

I have the in-laws group chat muted. The problem is that simple good morning may turn into a conversation, which I haven't got time for at that moment But ignoring the conversation is far worse than just not posting good morning.
And yes, I'm often active on WhatsApp as there's work and school stuff that I need to read on there.
Fortunately my in-laws aren't obsessive about it, I would find the OP's family very claustrophobic.

Siouxiesiouxiesioux · 03/08/2023 06:41

I’m sorry but she doesn’t sound rude at all. She sounds like someone who is just getting on with her life. She doesn’t have to respond to your messages. Why should she? If I responded to every watapp msg (along with being on MN) o wouldn’t be able to do anything else. Please leave her alone.

Siouxiesiouxiesioux · 03/08/2023 06:47

However you have just made me realise why a young friend of mine is mad at me. I have not been responding to their inane msgs because I am caring for chronically ill relatives. Why should she say morning just because you want her to? The same msg every single day? Poor SIL. I would feel so trapped by your expectations. If this is your experience of rudeness then are a very lucky person.

maratara · 03/08/2023 06:50

Bon Giornio.
I don't have whatsapp!

Siouxiesiouxiesioux · 03/08/2023 06:51

CherryMaDeara · 03/08/2023 06:17

.

Hahahahahaha!

good morning all!

Dovetail40 · 03/08/2023 06:55

Good Morning

Toohotto · 03/08/2023 06:57

Another one who's with your sil. She's probably muted you & the only reason she's not left is because she doesn't want to appear rude. I've been her! Just leave her be & don't let it affect your real life relationship

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/08/2023 07:06

GOOOOD MORNINGGGG

Sameold23 · 03/08/2023 07:11

😂

grass321 · 03/08/2023 07:12

This has made my day. Priceless.

Had you thought about the difference between a birth parent and an in-law? I would 100% not expect my husband to immerse himself in the quirks of my family. And, if it was his family WhatsApp, it would feel a bit intrusive for me to join in as if it was my mother. So I think her approach is respectful in not wanting to overstep.

The good morning part is hilarious.

DancingToMyTune · 03/08/2023 07:14

Sounds like a chat worth muting. Good Morning messages every morning on the chat....I know lots of people who have left such chat groups, including me. Be glad she's still in the group
She's muted notifications for her own sanity

MzHz · 03/08/2023 07:16

I loathe everything about WhatsApp family groups. They are THE lamest thing on earth.

did she even ASK to be in this group? She can’t leave without it notifying the whole group and knowing what you’re like from this post, it’ll be a HUGE drama.

@whyberude just let her do what she wants. She probably does have it muted. Who wouldn’t! I bet she doesn’t read all the twaddle and prattle. I wouldn’t. It’s dull and who cares! It’s too much and way OTT

if you need her input you can @ her.

FriendofDorothy · 03/08/2023 07:20

Good morning. Where are you OP? Why are you being so rude and not responding to us? I mean how long does it take to say good morning?

Hibiscrubbed · 03/08/2023 07:24

FriendofDorothy · 03/08/2023 07:20

Good morning. Where are you OP? Why are you being so rude and not responding to us? I mean how long does it take to say good morning?

Seven seconds. Unbelievable.

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