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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH leaving children alone

247 replies

benandholly03 · 02/08/2023 00:25

DSS has been at football camp all day, 10am-4pm. I dropped him off at his friends before work, and the plan was to collect him on the way home from the same friends house.

DH has been working at home all day, looking after my 10 year old DD and 9 year old DSD. Neither girl have the common sense of what to do in an emergency which i admit is probably partially our fault.

DSSs friends mum rang me around 2pm to say her other son was ill and didnt think DS should come back round in case he caught the bug and passed it all on to us, especially with me being pregnant.

I rang DH, explained he would need to go to my mums and ask her to sit with the girls while he collected DSS. He went and knocked on, and instead of trying the other million people we can ask to babysit especially for a short period, he left the girls home alone. Everything is fine and they just sat and watched a film.

I came home early and walked in to find them home alone. This was at 4.45 and DH left at 3.30.

AIBU to think they are too young to be left for that length of period? I occasionally nip to the shop (2 min walk) and leave them playing which i feel bad enough about but this has taken the biscuit for me and hes sleeping in the caravan tonight

OP posts:
AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 03/08/2023 14:49

OP won't be back

Maybe husband kicked her out to the caravan and she's got no WiFi 🤭

But in all truth, OP you massively over reacted. It's fine to have a 2 seater car but not to leave that with the parent who has the children. You need to "train" up 9 and 10 year old to be ok at home alone. It would have been less than an hour had he not hit traffic.

WhatBloodyNow · 03/08/2023 17:10

I think OP is really pissed because he left her child to go and pick up his child.

Irrational, but it's the sort of shit you find in step/blended families that makes the whole situation crazy making.

AvengedQuince · 03/08/2023 17:32

WhatBloodyNow · 03/08/2023 17:10

I think OP is really pissed because he left her child to go and pick up his child.

Irrational, but it's the sort of shit you find in step/blended families that makes the whole situation crazy making.

That could be it. It is crazy, he can leave his 9 year old if he chooses to, and her child is 10. Many children are home alone everyday after school at 11 so would be preparing for this at 10 or younger.

riceuten · 03/08/2023 19:23

I hour 15 minutes for a 9 and 10 year old with no mental health issues - fine by me

Lamaitresse · 03/08/2023 19:23

They should be responsible enough at that age to be left in this kind of situation.
My dd is 9, and is used to being left occasionally for up to an hour. She knows what she’s allowed to do, and what she’s not, and she has the house phone by her at all times.
A few months ago I went to collect her older brother from his job, thinking I would be max 1 hour. There was an accident ahead of us on the way home & we ended up being stuck for 2 hours, and out for 3. She was fine. I wasn’t stressed, and neither was she!
YABU.

GrannyRose15 · 03/08/2023 19:28

I often read these threads and wonder why a mother's parenting trumps a man's. He has been left is charge: he has to make the decisions. Equality doesn't mean women get to control men, it means each person in a relationship should be treated like an autonomous human being by their partner.

Haveyouthought · 03/08/2023 19:37

Maybe he’s not so good in a crisis as you.

celticprincess · 03/08/2023 19:58

My 10 year old starts high school in 4 weeks - she will have just turned 11 when she starts. She will have to be left home alone before and after school for between 1-3 hours on the days I work (I’m part time). I need to spend these holidays whilst she’s still 10 getting her used to being home on her own. 10 is fine and if they’re sensible it shouldn’t be a huge issue for them to be together and the 9 year old to be left too.

How do you know they wouldn’t know what to do in an emergency. Have you asked them? We’ve been talking about it with mine since they were quite young as they stay over with my mum quite a lot and she’s in her 70s and whilst they’re being looked after by here there’s always a possibility of an emergency. Tbh - I’m a single parent and they need to know how to respond if there was an emergency involving me.

Pinkfluff76 · 03/08/2023 20:17

Fine for a short time but definitely not got that long. Why did he take so long?

truthhurts23 · 03/08/2023 20:31

Rathouse · 02/08/2023 20:07

I think its a bit disgusting to compare to kids in other countries. The reason things like this are the norm are because these countries are often 3rd world. It doesn't make it right but obviously if its the only way you can feed your kids its a must. Here in UK there are laws and you would get reported and rightly so.

Show quote history

nothing I said was disgusting you are just ignorant
I said nothing about poverty stricken or third world countries,
in different cultures, responsibilities are introduced to children a lot younger tp prepare them for adulthood
even in wealthy parts of the world, it has nothing to do with poverty or having no choice

that is why in the UK we have adults that still have the mental age of children,
big 20 year old babies that still need their hands held in everything they do , because they were never given a chance to develop essential skills at a young age

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/08/2023 20:35

GrannyRose15 · 03/08/2023 19:28

I often read these threads and wonder why a mother's parenting trumps a man's. He has been left is charge: he has to make the decisions. Equality doesn't mean women get to control men, it means each person in a relationship should be treated like an autonomous human being by their partner.

Yes, this. Why is his judgment being second-guessed?

MrsLighthouse · 03/08/2023 20:56

As a one off l can’t really see the problem. Two girls together would be unlikely to be scared and l imagine they had easy access to a phone. I wouldn’t like it particularly but don’t think l’d want to fall out about it either. Presumably he knows how you feel about it now and won’t do it again.

Busbygirl · 03/08/2023 22:11

Have you made him sleep in the caravan?
Roles reversed and they’d be outrage on MN.
YABU

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 03/08/2023 23:02

Do you and your DH not actually communicate with each other around parenting? Seriously, you took the family car with you, leaving him with no means of taking the girls with him. At their age they should be fine for a couple of hours. You’re way over reacting to this. To make him sleep in the caravan is pretty controlling and abusive. If it was you sleeping out there, MN would be up in arms. I think you need to go out and offer him an apology. He is a parent, just as much as you are, and I’m sure you would take issue with him criticising your decision making.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 04/08/2023 00:18

9 & 10? For a couple of hours - can’t see the problem. Presumable you and DH have mobiles and they know how to use a phone if the needed you?
the only issue here is you stifling their independence- they will be at KS3 soon, they need to be ready.

T1Dmama · 04/08/2023 03:11

10 & 9 are not ok to leave! Especially if they’re not particularly mature girls.
I’d be livid too! I can’t believe the amount of people disagreeing with you @benandholly03 !

T1Dmama · 04/08/2023 03:34

I do agree though that making him sleep elsewhere is a bit fair.

royalwatch · 04/08/2023 06:25

No! Chill out. They were fine. 9 and 10 is fine for an hour

LaDamaDeElche · 04/08/2023 08:19

I wouldn’t have left DD alone at 9, she wouldn’t have wanted to be left alone at that age, or certainly not just turned 9, do depends on if the 9 year old is closer to 10. It’s a difficult one, as I think many kids would be ok at this age, especially the older one. It’s something you should agree between you though and he shouldn’t really do it for a long period if you aren’t happy with it. Popping to the shops for 15 mins is one thing and in that situation, I would have said you were being a bit over the top, but for an hour or more should be something you’re both ok about.

Qwerty21 · 04/08/2023 08:24

Peachy2005 · 02/08/2023 01:11

Make sure the person minding the kids has the bigger car in future. A father of 3 (almost 4) having a 2-seater car is frankly ridiculous.

This. You never know what's going to happen in life, which is clear from this situation in the first place. He's a father with 3 kids in his family, he needs a family car.

Emma2023 · 04/08/2023 10:16

Did you actually read what op wrote in the first place???🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Grumpy101 · 04/08/2023 10:26

Really not that bad at all. A 9 and 10 year old should be fine for a few hours.

Unacceptable for him to have a 2 seater car though, that makes me think he's generally irresponsible!

AvengedQuince · 04/08/2023 10:38

LaDamaDeElche · 04/08/2023 08:19

I wouldn’t have left DD alone at 9, she wouldn’t have wanted to be left alone at that age, or certainly not just turned 9, do depends on if the 9 year old is closer to 10. It’s a difficult one, as I think many kids would be ok at this age, especially the older one. It’s something you should agree between you though and he shouldn’t really do it for a long period if you aren’t happy with it. Popping to the shops for 15 mins is one thing and in that situation, I would have said you were being a bit over the top, but for an hour or more should be something you’re both ok about.

The 9 year old is the OPs SC and the child's father was happy to leave her, the OPs child is the 10 year old.

Harry12345 · 04/08/2023 10:38

royalwatch · 04/08/2023 06:25

No! Chill out. They were fine. 9 and 10 is fine for an hour

Neither can I! If something bad happened and it made the news she’d be crucified by the media and society

LaDamaDeElche · 04/08/2023 10:46

The 9 year old is the OPs SC and the child's father was happy to leave her, the OPs child is the 10 year old. I saw that, but it seems the OP is talking about both girls rather than just hers.