Page 10 | DH leaving children alone

benandholly03 · 2023-08-01T23:25:45+00:00

DSS has been at football camp all day, 10am-4pm. I dropped him off at his friends before work, and the plan was to collect him on the way home from the same friends house. DH has been working at home all day, looking after my 10 year old DD and 9 year old DSD. Neither girl have the common sense of what to do in an emergency which i admit is probably partially our fault. DSSs friends mum rang me around 2pm to say her other son was ill and didnt think DS should come back round in case he caught the bug and passed it all on to us, especially with me being pregnant. I rang DH, explained he would need to go to my mums and ask her to sit with the girls while he collected DSS. He went and knocked on, and instead of trying the other million people we can ask to babysit especially for a short period, he left the girls home alone. Everything is fine and they just sat and watched a film. I came home early and walked in to find them home alone. This was at 4.45 and DH left at 3.30. AIBU to think they are too young to be left for that length of period? I occasionally nip to the shop (2 min walk) and leave them playing which i feel bad enough about but this has taken the biscuit for me and hes sleeping in the caravan tonight

Aprilx · 04/08/2023 11:03

I am wondering how it is only "probably partially" your (both of you that is) fault that children this age don't know what to do in an emergency. They should have known this years ago. And then you took the family car whilst he stayed at home with two children and a two seater. Honestly what is wrong with the two of you? And throwing him out of the house because he made a different parental decision to you is disgusting.

MrsBlac · 04/08/2023 11:29

Make sure the person minding the kids has the bigger car in future. A father of 3 (almost 4) having a 2-seater car is frankly ridiculous.

This

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 04/08/2023 12:59

Anything can happen even if one parent is at home. Plenty of children have had to "save" parents who have had allergic reactions or heart attacks or slipped in the shower...

Children need to know what to do in such a situation

Harmonypus · 04/08/2023 13:04

I really can't understand people saying it's ok to leave 9 and 10 years olds on their own.
A friend of mine, left their extremely sensible, (very nearly) 14 year old on his own for a couple of hours one afternoon, a few years ago. Some local kids (10-12yr olds) broke into their garden and caused damage, the son called his mum, who called the police and met them back at the house, and she was told she shouldn't have left her son home alone at all because he wasn't old enough.
So if a child who is only a few weeks short of 14 "isn't old enough", how can 9 and 10 be?

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 04/08/2023 13:16

Harmonypus · 04/08/2023 13:04

I really can't understand people saying it's ok to leave 9 and 10 years olds on their own.
A friend of mine, left their extremely sensible, (very nearly) 14 year old on his own for a couple of hours one afternoon, a few years ago. Some local kids (10-12yr olds) broke into their garden and caused damage, the son called his mum, who called the police and met them back at the house, and she was told she shouldn't have left her son home alone at all because he wasn't old enough.
So if a child who is only a few weeks short of 14 "isn't old enough", how can 9 and 10 be?

Well, unless this wasn't the UK, there's no law on "old enough"

I can only assume the police were implying he'd actively invited the other kids around.

FrenchandSaunders · 04/08/2023 13:22

That’s madness @Harmonypus ! Almost 14 😳

Harmonypus · 04/08/2023 13:34

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld @FrenchandSaunders

This was Birmingham, UK.

No, he hadn't invited them. It was 3 kids from a 'gang' of about 6, who regularly terrorised several of the local residents. They smashed the back gate off its hinges and attacked the family pets.

Yes, he was only a few weeks short of 14, fully trained in first aid (St John Ambulance) since he was 10 and knew what to do in an emergency, so definitely sensible enough to have been left.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/08/2023 13:54

I'd say the police were wrong in that instance @Harmonypus
We can't go around as a society not granting 14 year olds the opportunity to get confident in this stuff.
He did exactly what I would have done anyway. Called another grown up and not confronted them!
With all the teachers strikes, covid etc of the last few years, secondary school kids have been expected to stay at home whilst many parents had to carry on working. We would have been financially ruined even more if the 10-14 year olds had to have childcare.

Harmonypus · 04/08/2023 15:04

Fair comment, but many 11-13yr olds (and even some 16yr olds) wouldn't have a clue how to react if something went wrong,.
When my youngest was 12/13 (a long time ago), the authorities said kids shouldn't be left on their own under the age of 13, and even then, only if they were considered sensible and capable of remaining safe. Although, if anything untoward were to happen, say they cut themselves making a sandwich, the parent/guardian would still be responsible and could be held accountable in more serious cases.

Honeychickpea · 04/08/2023 15:13

Harmonypus · 04/08/2023 15:04

Fair comment, but many 11-13yr olds (and even some 16yr olds) wouldn't have a clue how to react if something went wrong,.
When my youngest was 12/13 (a long time ago), the authorities said kids shouldn't be left on their own under the age of 13, and even then, only if they were considered sensible and capable of remaining safe. Although, if anything untoward were to happen, say they cut themselves making a sandwich, the parent/guardian would still be responsible and could be held accountable in more serious cases.

Shouldn't parents be teaching children how to react in an emergency from a very young age? Home fire drills, how to call 911, knowing another adult to call if parents unavailable...

UsingChangeofName · 04/08/2023 15:48

I wouldn’t have left DD alone at 9, she wouldn’t have wanted to be left alone at that age, or certainly not just turned 9, do depends on if the 9 year old is closer to 10. It’s a difficult one, as I think many kids would be ok at this age, especially the older one.

but the parent that was at home and responsible did know the children, and made his call based on that.
Many of us have said that it is a borderline age, but the fact of the matter is, the parent that was responsible for them at the time made a judgement call with all the facts and knowledge.

DangerousAlchemy · 04/08/2023 16:02

Think OP has done a runner tbh! only 2 posts in total. Her DH having a 2 seater car when there will soon be 4 kids between them is utterly ridiculous though.

AvengedQuince · 04/08/2023 19:48

LaDamaDeElche · 04/08/2023 10:46

The 9 year old is the OPs SC and the child's father was happy to leave her, the OPs child is the 10 year old. I saw that, but it seems the OP is talking about both girls rather than just hers.

If they both see themselves as parents of both girls then surely the father can equally make a parenting decision about both girls? If the OP sees her 10 year old daughter as hers only then what the father decides to do with his 9 year old daughter is his decision so irrelevant.

Mrsgreen100 · 04/08/2023 21:04

I thought it was illegal !at that age
but far to young tbh

pinkyredrose · 05/08/2023 10:01

Mrsgreen100 · 04/08/2023 21:04

I thought it was illegal !at that age
but far to young tbh

There's no legal minium age to be left.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 05/08/2023 10:21

DangerousAlchemy · 04/08/2023 16:02

Think OP has done a runner tbh! only 2 posts in total. Her DH having a 2 seater car when there will soon be 4 kids between them is utterly ridiculous though.

Oh ye
OP won't be back. She knows she overreacted with the caravan and taking the family car was a bad idea.
She won't be back

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 06/08/2023 16:18

Rathouse · 02/08/2023 20:07

I think its a bit disgusting to compare to kids in other countries. The reason things like this are the norm are because these countries are often 3rd world. It doesn't make it right but obviously if its the only way you can feed your kids its a must. Here in UK there are laws and you would get reported and rightly so.

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Small children in the Scandinavian countries walk to school. The practice and countries - whether white Nordic or brown 'third world' - are not 'disgusting g'

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 06/08/2023 16:24

GrannyRose15 · 03/08/2023 19:28

I often read these threads and wonder why a mother's parenting trumps a man's. He has been left is charge: he has to make the decisions. Equality doesn't mean women get to control men, it means each person in a relationship should be treated like an autonomous human being by their partner.

Quite!

Bikesandbees · 06/08/2023 20:21

Peachy2005 · 02/08/2023 01:11

Make sure the person minding the kids has the bigger car in future. A father of 3 (almost 4) having a 2-seater car is frankly ridiculous.

What? How is this an issue or even relevant to the question? About 20% of UK homes don’t have access to a car, and about 45% only have one car. You’re essentially saying that a person who is looking after children needs to be able to drive and needs to be able to have instant access to a vehicle that can transport all of them?

DragonDoor · 07/08/2023 15:02

Bikesandbees · 06/08/2023 20:21

What? How is this an issue or even relevant to the question? About 20% of UK homes don’t have access to a car, and about 45% only have one car. You’re essentially saying that a person who is looking after children needs to be able to drive and needs to be able to have instant access to a vehicle that can transport all of them?

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It’s relevant because OP asked her husband to collect one of their children in a car, quite a distance away.

This family’s lifestyle appears to involve driving, and they have 2 cars.

They possibly could have all cycled together or took public transport, but I didn’t get the impression that’s their usual way of getting around.

It makes sense for the parent with responsibility for the children to have access to the family car, so they can all travel places together if needed.

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/08/2023 16:50

Bikesandbees · 06/08/2023 20:21

What? How is this an issue or even relevant to the question? About 20% of UK homes don’t have access to a car, and about 45% only have one car. You’re essentially saying that a person who is looking after children needs to be able to drive and needs to be able to have instant access to a vehicle that can transport all of them?

Show quote history

No, not at all - but a family without a car would have alternative ways and would likely not have a child needing collecting from somewhere that requires a car. Families with only one car tend to leave the car with the person in charge of the kids, or again, don't set up situations where this can happen.

The OP it appears, thoughtlessly took the family car, leaving the person in charge with no way to transport all the children to collect 1 child quickly and easily.

T1Dmama · 07/08/2023 17:16

Harmonypus · 04/08/2023 13:04

I really can't understand people saying it's ok to leave 9 and 10 years olds on their own.
A friend of mine, left their extremely sensible, (very nearly) 14 year old on his own for a couple of hours one afternoon, a few years ago. Some local kids (10-12yr olds) broke into their garden and caused damage, the son called his mum, who called the police and met them back at the house, and she was told she shouldn't have left her son home alone at all because he wasn't old enough.
So if a child who is only a few weeks short of 14 "isn't old enough", how can 9 and 10 be?

Ey up. A friend of mine left her son home and the school got a wind of it and called social services… she was arrested by police at her work place, prosecuted and sent on a parenting course! He was 10!

Also how old were Holly and Jessica when they were raped and murdered by the school care taker while innocently allowed to play outside?? 9 and 10!!

If the mother doesn’t feel the girls were mature enough then that’s that!! 9 & 10 year olds differ hugely in maturity… my 12 year old is very mature and is left a couple of hours but I’m a short distance away, could be home in 5 minutes… have a ring door bell and she knows not o answer door etc…. She’s capable though…. If a mum is saying her daughters aren’t capable then no they shouldn’t have been left! Dad should’ve called mum back and told her there’s no one to supervise girls and mum should’ve got the son with the larger car!

but yes this is seriously silly… the person with the kids should ALWAYS have the larger car. If there’s an emergency and he needs to drive one to hospital it’s crazy that he doesn’t have room to take the other child with him!

I do find the caravan scenario rather odd though!! He’s a bit of a wet blanket to go out there too!…. I’d have told her I’d be sleeping in the bed thanks… if she doesn’t want to be with me she sleeps out in caravan! Simple