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Original poster

Was I really that stupid to deserve this?

162 replies

getmeoutofherenoww · 01/08/2023 22:48

Staying at in-laws and expected to help out, tidy up etc this is all normal.

I put my toddlers nappy (slightly wet) into a nappy bag into a Tesco bag and then took out and changed the food waste bin and put the bag into the Tesco bag, fully tied up on the kitchen floor, as I was about to leave to go out.

After getting the children's shoes on and what not me, dh and children went in the car.
When I got back I realised I was meant to take the bag out.

I grabbed it and walked to the bins and put it in the bin.

Well at dinner time FIL told dh "how did she forget to take the bag out and just left a dirty bag in the kitchen" and kept banging on about it
Dh then asked me why I forgot
I said light heartedly "oops pregnancy brain but when I got back I put it out, it was sealed, it was hardly a smelly nappy left out on the side"

Like I'm completely confused exactly why this was a big deal?
Am I in the wrong? Like I'm fully exasperated at this argument that's happened.

OP posts:
Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 01/08/2023 22:51

Is wasn’t a big deal. I chuck wet nappies in bagged in the kitchen bin.

TwitTwont · 01/08/2023 22:54

Did FIL never change nappies or do much with his DC? It’s easy to forget when you’re multitasking and thinking about other things or busy getting ready to go out.
It’s not a big deal, odd he felt the need to comment.

Sherrystrull · 01/08/2023 22:57

Tell DH and FIL you clearly can't be relied upon to complete menial tasks correctly so they will need to take charge of them.

Where was your DH while you were doing nappies, shoes and bins?

Sameold23 · 01/08/2023 23:01

I would just say something like, wow what a non event, or bore off, is this the highlight of your week.

pinkfondu · 01/08/2023 23:01

Where's the argument?

youcandanceifyouwanna · 01/08/2023 23:02

It's annoying and rude of FIL.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/08/2023 23:04

Is your FIL always such a dick? My guess is Yes.

howtowriteahaiku · 01/08/2023 23:04

You weren’t stupid, people make mistakes and forget stuff. It’s normal.
for some reason, simple mistakes bother your dh’s family. Your dh maybe gets it from them a bit , he thinks it’s normal because he grew up with it. For most people this wouldn’t even be a topic worthy of conversation.
I feel your pain as I grew up with people making a big thing out of small petty things. Just try and rise above it if you can

Original poster
getmeoutofherenoww · 01/08/2023 23:09

howtowriteahaiku · 01/08/2023 23:04

You weren’t stupid, people make mistakes and forget stuff. It’s normal.
for some reason, simple mistakes bother your dh’s family. Your dh maybe gets it from them a bit , he thinks it’s normal because he grew up with it. For most people this wouldn’t even be a topic worthy of conversation.
I feel your pain as I grew up with people making a big thing out of small petty things. Just try and rise above it if you can

If this is going to be my dh in 20 years then I don't want him tbh.

They started arguing because dh said oh she's pregnant she forgot so he said okay so then keep on top of her and you should have moved it

And I felt like I was in a different world watching a heated discussion about forgetting to take a bag outside

OP posts:
TwitTwont · 01/08/2023 23:14

he said okay so then keep on top of her

WTH?! I think I’d be leaving asap and declining to stay again. What an arse.
What was DH response to that?

Original poster
getmeoutofherenoww · 01/08/2023 23:17

TwitTwont · 01/08/2023 23:14

he said okay so then keep on top of her

WTH?! I think I’d be leaving asap and declining to stay again. What an arse.
What was DH response to that?

He told him

"So tell her that it's been bothering you all day I don't know why you're berating me about it"

OP posts:
Beenhereforever1978 · 01/08/2023 23:17

TwitTwont · 01/08/2023 23:14

he said okay so then keep on top of her

WTH?! I think I’d be leaving asap and declining to stay again. What an arse.
What was DH response to that?

I'd of lobbed a shitty nappy at him for that one.

Fucking cheek.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 01/08/2023 23:18

Don't allow yourself to be spoken to or about like an inferior, the little woman, or the help

Beenhereforever1978 · 01/08/2023 23:22

And it's not "oh silly little woman has got pregnancy brain"

YOU'RE GROWING AN ENTIRE FUCKING HUMAN BEING RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANT SHIT GOING ON.

And if your DH knows his father is going to be a butthwad about this stuff he could have bloody picked it up instead of blaming you.

URGH! I want to throw nappies at all of them now!

FictionalCharacter · 01/08/2023 23:22

getmeoutofherenoww · 01/08/2023 23:17

He told him

"So tell her that it's been bothering you all day I don't know why you're berating me about it"

Show quote history

Do they always talk about you - “her” - instead of to you?

FIL sounds intolerably rude and your DH isn’t helping.

FeliciteFaff · 01/08/2023 23:30

My friend is visiting me and we are both sitting on our iPads and watching the Meg. I am gonna type out what she is saying to me in response to this OP

”Sorry to say some older folks can be very shitty about this sort of thing. My own dad was militant about my kids nappies going straight out and not into main bin. Fine. Except they went into a nappy bag and then into the bathroom trash bag and then out once a day.

Now he is in adult diaper and puts his wet diaper into the main kitchen bin. Grosses me out but I don’t live with him and I just pretend I haven’t seen it. Too many arguments have given me a headache. “

fucking hell. Not the first time
I've heard this either. Normally it’s the grandma’s being fussy.

Threenow · 01/08/2023 23:36

Personally I would be stepping back and not doing one more thing while staying with them, and then never going back again - but then I'm old enough to be a bitch!

Tangelablue · 01/08/2023 23:36

For the sake of your marriage, don't continue to visit them.

Toloveandtowork · 01/08/2023 23:38

They sound like people who have little going on and make mountains out of molehills to compensate.

momonpurpose · 01/08/2023 23:42

Is he always this annoying FIL I mean

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/08/2023 23:42

he said okay so then keep on top of her

That really takes the biscuit - as does your DH’s response!

Shouldn’t the FIL have said “you take it out another time” to DH, or even better not banged on about it in the first place

Curseofthenation · 01/08/2023 23:43

Ergh, my ILs do this. I think it's to make them feel superior but also because they have far too much time on their hands! Your DH's behaviour would bother me more. He's meant to be your partner.

Indigotree · 01/08/2023 23:47

So FIL saw the Tesco bag there on the floor after you left and just left it there all day on purpose so he could moan about it to get at you later?!

Thepossibility · 01/08/2023 23:49

Instead of getting all annoyed about it why didn't one of them put the bloody thing in the bin? It's not YOUR nappy it was their grandchild's/child's nappy. I don't see how it's only your responsibility to the extent that you need to be told off!

INeedAnotherName · 01/08/2023 23:57

Well at dinner time FIL told dh "how did she forget to take the bag out and just left a dirty bag in the kitchen" and kept banging on about it
If he felt that disgusted about the bag why didn't he remove it. Does he never empty the kitchen bin? DH should have said she probably forgot but for some reason didn't have your back.

Dh then asked me why I forgot
That is a weird question. You could say you were too busy wrangling the kids into their shoes. If he'd helped with that then maybe you wouldn't have forgotten. It's a stupid question really, and shows he doesn't have your back.

I said light heartedly "oops pregnancy brain but when I got back I put it out, it was sealed, it was hardly a smelly nappy left out on the side"
Stop blaming pregnancy brain fog, it's demeaning to all women. Just say you forgot. It's allowed. Even men forget things allegedly.

Does your DH never forget anything? I would also watch DH a bit more at home, is he subtly copying FIL?