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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I really that stupid to deserve this?

162 replies

getmeoutofherenoww · 01/08/2023 22:48

Staying at in-laws and expected to help out, tidy up etc this is all normal.

I put my toddlers nappy (slightly wet) into a nappy bag into a Tesco bag and then took out and changed the food waste bin and put the bag into the Tesco bag, fully tied up on the kitchen floor, as I was about to leave to go out.

After getting the children's shoes on and what not me, dh and children went in the car.
When I got back I realised I was meant to take the bag out.

I grabbed it and walked to the bins and put it in the bin.

Well at dinner time FIL told dh "how did she forget to take the bag out and just left a dirty bag in the kitchen" and kept banging on about it
Dh then asked me why I forgot
I said light heartedly "oops pregnancy brain but when I got back I put it out, it was sealed, it was hardly a smelly nappy left out on the side"

Like I'm completely confused exactly why this was a big deal?
Am I in the wrong? Like I'm fully exasperated at this argument that's happened.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 02/08/2023 04:39

So he walked around/ignored the bin bag clearly meant for the bin then forgotten, until you came back, so he could berate your DH and tell him to 'keep on top of her' when you got back?

Fuck that shit.

'Sorry, it slipped my mind, have your arms fallen off, is there something wrong with you that you can't put a bag in the outside bin having noticed it and there being no one else to do it for a couple of hours? That is a concern.... '

truthhurts23 · 02/08/2023 04:45

i think there is a deep issue between your FIL and your DH and you are just catching strays
its not about the nappy bag..
i wouldve just said sorry i forgot and moved on , if he kept banging on about it hes only rising his own blood pressure

Epidote · 02/08/2023 04:47

Tomorrow get pregnancy "headache"
Let the manly men couple sort out everything for you. At the end of the day you are only a woman.

Twats! That what they are. Take advantage of it now you know it.

Wobblyheart · 02/08/2023 05:13

Thepossibility · 01/08/2023 23:49

Instead of getting all annoyed about it why didn't one of them put the bloody thing in the bin? It's not YOUR nappy it was their grandchild's/child's nappy. I don't see how it's only your responsibility to the extent that you need to be told off!

This. Absolutely, I can’t see this warrant any sort of comment, let alone an argument. My parents in law would actually help even when we stayed with them during construction work when I was pregnant. And even now they would say ‘leave the nappy bag, I’ll sort it’. The more I type the crazier I think this is, it would be a total non event in our families

EatYourVegetables · 02/08/2023 05:33

Your FIL is a disgusting misogynist and very rude to you. Your husband is not supporting you, which is a bigger problem.

Kick up a massive fuss with DH when you’re alone and have time to talk. Explain you WILL NOT be talked to like that. Refuse to visit ILs from now on - he can go and take the kids if he wants. Also refuse to do any more mental labour concerning ILs - Christmas, Bdays etc. Let DH sort it out. Whenever ILs do anything that affects you negatively in any way (eg take DH’s attention at the time he was supposed to be doing things around the house, or communicate with you in any way which is at all unpleasant) let DH know loud and clear. His primary concern should be your family - you and the kids.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 02/08/2023 05:35

Long story short, a misogynistic man has raised a misogynistic son. It's got nothing to do with your incredibly trivial and momentary oversight and everything to do with their sense of entitlement to belittle and humiliate you as and when they fancy.

autienotnaughti · 02/08/2023 05:40

I'd have wanted to say "if it was such an issue why didn't you take it out?"

They were both really rude to/about you. You fil there's an easy solution don't visit if he can't be polite. Your dh I'd be fuming with. He shouldn't let a conversation like that happen. He should have shut it down.

Bliss1221 · 02/08/2023 05:49

Nothinf wrong with why you did at all.. they sound really bored/boring to even bring up something so pointless. Does fil not ever take trash out if mil has left a bag tied up ready to be taken out?

RecycleMePlease · 02/08/2023 05:56

If it's been bothering him all day why didn't he take it out himself

People forget things. Especially when wrangling kids out of the door.

BrunoMarzipan · 02/08/2023 05:58

Yeah, I also agree with pps, why would they leave the nappy in the kitchen?! Just put it in the bin. Passive aggressive or what.

AskAgathaIfSheWantsACupOfTea · 02/08/2023 05:58

What baffles me is that if FIL saw the bag there, why didn’t he just take it out????

He’s deranged

WrongNameMummy · 02/08/2023 06:04

getmeoutofherenoww · 01/08/2023 23:17

He told him

"So tell her that it's been bothering you all day I don't know why you're berating me about it"

Show quote history

Did you notice the word he used “berate”.

You gave your FIL an opportunity to berate your husband (mistake means you are inferior) and he wasn’t going to be denied.

Notice also the “Why”, turn it around to “What answer would be acceptable to you”. Why here actually means “Admit you’re shit so I can denigrate you”

Your husband grew up in this toxicity- I would really really be making sure he doesn’t repeat it with your child.

patterpittercake · 02/08/2023 06:11

The best way to deal with men like your FiL is gentle ribbing.

Shoxfordian · 02/08/2023 06:15

How long are you staying? Can you leave and go to a hotel?

Hibiscrubbed · 02/08/2023 06:33

I’d be going home. Horrible people.

Rainallnight · 02/08/2023 06:47

WalkingThroughTreacle · 02/08/2023 05:35

Long story short, a misogynistic man has raised a misogynistic son. It's got nothing to do with your incredibly trivial and momentary oversight and everything to do with their sense of entitlement to belittle and humiliate you as and when they fancy.

This is very well put.

Thehop · 02/08/2023 06:48

Canisaysomething · 01/08/2023 23:59

I would be tempted to say to FIL in front of DH when you leave "this nappy incident has made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and unwelcome in your home, would you rather apologise for chastising me or would you rather I simply don't visit again?". And just stare him straight in the eye.

He's a rude bully.

Love this

KTSl1964 · 02/08/2023 06:50

You need to go no contact with these people. Do not take your child for visit to them. FIL views will damage your child.

ReformedWaywardTeen · 02/08/2023 06:52

L (both) the bastards.

FIL is a sexist wanker
DH failed to stand up for you telling his tasty father to tell you himself.

What a pair of misogynistic twats.

ZickZack · 02/08/2023 06:54

What a prick. My inlaws would've just picked it up and binned it for me.

marblesthecat · 02/08/2023 07:01

This is a non-event. Your in-laws sound weird.

Practicallyperfect101 · 02/08/2023 07:07

FIL sounds like a dick. I’d be going home.

BravoMyDear · 02/08/2023 07:09

he said okay so then keep on top of her

Honestly, I’d just pack up and leave if someone said this about me.

CapEBarra · 02/08/2023 07:11

Just say, ‘If you saw it then why on earth didn’t you pick it up and pop in the bin? It’s not rocket science and it would have been really helpful’.

OhwhyOY · 02/08/2023 07:22

It wouldn't have been sat there all day if FIL had just put it in the bin himself! 🙄

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