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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I really that stupid to deserve this?

162 replies

getmeoutofherenoww · 01/08/2023 22:48

Staying at in-laws and expected to help out, tidy up etc this is all normal.

I put my toddlers nappy (slightly wet) into a nappy bag into a Tesco bag and then took out and changed the food waste bin and put the bag into the Tesco bag, fully tied up on the kitchen floor, as I was about to leave to go out.

After getting the children's shoes on and what not me, dh and children went in the car.
When I got back I realised I was meant to take the bag out.

I grabbed it and walked to the bins and put it in the bin.

Well at dinner time FIL told dh "how did she forget to take the bag out and just left a dirty bag in the kitchen" and kept banging on about it
Dh then asked me why I forgot
I said light heartedly "oops pregnancy brain but when I got back I put it out, it was sealed, it was hardly a smelly nappy left out on the side"

Like I'm completely confused exactly why this was a big deal?
Am I in the wrong? Like I'm fully exasperated at this argument that's happened.

OP posts:
Canisaysomething · 01/08/2023 23:59

I would be tempted to say to FIL in front of DH when you leave "this nappy incident has made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and unwelcome in your home, would you rather apologise for chastising me or would you rather I simply don't visit again?". And just stare him straight in the eye.

He's a rude bully.

Newestname002 · 02/08/2023 00:05

@getmeoutofherenoww

Your FIL is a misogynist Neanderthal isn't he?

And his son (who is supposed to be on your team and supporting you) is not that far behind.

What on Earth gives either of them the right to talk about you to each other in this way - whilst you are sitting there!

Maybe time to curtail these visits if this is the way you are treated. 🌹

Gregging · 02/08/2023 00:10

“Keep on top of her”.

W T A F?!

BasiliskStare · 02/08/2023 00:12

I would say - I am sorry - I overlooked this but I'll take care in future . I did not realise a well wrapped up nappy would be such a problem.

And also as my Granny would have said - said in front of you "she" is the cat's mother.

I'd go round fewer times in future if a Grandad can't cope with an occasional well wrapped up nappy. I certainly would go round fewer times if he speaks about you whilst you are there in such a rubbish way.

Don't make a big deal of it but if you can just scale back visits maybe the way to go - but you will need to have DH having your back on this.

Original poster
getmeoutofherenoww · 02/08/2023 00:29

Newestname002 · 02/08/2023 00:05

@getmeoutofherenoww

Your FIL is a misogynist Neanderthal isn't he?

And his son (who is supposed to be on your team and supporting you) is not that far behind.

What on Earth gives either of them the right to talk about you to each other in this way - whilst you are sitting there!

Maybe time to curtail these visits if this is the way you are treated. 🌹

Can you imagine we haven't visited in 9 months.
We usually stay in hotels but get told off for doing so as it's disrespectful but this time we thought we'd give in

Never again.

OP posts:
AnneAnon · 02/08/2023 00:32

Tbh it doesn’t sound like he wants you there.

Original poster
getmeoutofherenoww · 02/08/2023 00:39

AnneAnon · 02/08/2023 00:32

Tbh it doesn’t sound like he wants you there.

Exactly!

Yet when we get hotels we get made to feel like shit

Can't win no matter what

OP posts:
SnakeGirl · 02/08/2023 00:46

Don’t go again, I seriously wouldn’t be spoken to like that and neither should you! People forget things it’s normal he’s been an absolute ball bag. If DH doesn’t have your back tell him he can attend the visits on his own! His parents his problem

10HailMarys · 02/08/2023 00:52

Your FIL sounds like a massive arsehole. I’d be inclined not to stay there again.

INeedAnotherName · 02/08/2023 00:52

Yet when we get hotels we get made to feel like shit
And yet if you stay in his house you still feel like shit. You know what I would do? Don't go again. DH can visit his parents by himself. He can take the kids or not, but you stay at home. If DH doesn't like that idea then he should have stopped FIL.

Tulpenkavalier · 02/08/2023 00:53

Why doesn't your husband have your back, and does he have form for lobbing passive aggressive comments at you ?

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 02/08/2023 01:35

If they were that bothered they could have put it in the bin thenselves!

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/08/2023 01:40

Never again.

Honestly, I'd go home now. I actually would. He's disrespectful so you leave.

ejbaxa · 02/08/2023 01:40

I’d leave. It was a simple matter of forgetting/being distracted - with no harm done whatsoever - and fil is acting like you shat in his cornflakes.

Dh can visit them alone next time.

OCaptain · 02/08/2023 01:59

Was it there all day? Or just an hour or two?

GrumpyOldCrone · 02/08/2023 02:05

I agree with the above: always leave at the first sign of disrespect. You do not need to put up with this.

FictionalCharacter · 02/08/2023 02:24

getmeoutofherenoww · 02/08/2023 00:29

Can you imagine we haven't visited in 9 months.
We usually stay in hotels but get told off for doing so as it's disrespectful but this time we thought we'd give in

Never again.

Show quote history

You staying in a hotel = disrespectful
Him talking about you like you're an inanimate object while you're sitting there = fine

He's a piece of work. Good on you for not going again but your DH should not be having conversations about you like that with his father. He's pretty disrespectful himself.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 02/08/2023 02:26

getmeoutofherenoww · 02/08/2023 00:29

Can you imagine we haven't visited in 9 months.
We usually stay in hotels but get told off for doing so as it's disrespectful but this time we thought we'd give in

Never again.

Show quote history

Not visiting the in-laws isn't going to address your husband's shitty behaviour though. What are you going to do about him?

CrazyArmadilloLady · 02/08/2023 02:35

getmeoutofherenoww · 02/08/2023 00:39

Exactly!

Yet when we get hotels we get made to feel like shit

Can't win no matter what

Show quote history

I would definitely ‘not win’ at a hotel next time!

And if they give you grief, just say, ‘after last time, we thought it was for the best, and this is where we’ll be staying when we visit from here on in’.

YANBU - clearly waaaay too much time on his hands x

WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter · 02/08/2023 02:36

Blimey, my 'DIL' left a used unbagged nappy next to the TV and popped off home.

I laughed and put it in the bin.

I don't think I'd be able to deal with your in laws. Bloody rude.

namechangealerttt · 02/08/2023 02:44

Ok, you changed the nappy. Why is the issue you forgot to put a bagged up nappy in the bin? Why isn't the issue no one else put it in the bin when they all saw it sitting there?

JANEY205 · 02/08/2023 02:59

My in-laws would just have put the nappy in the bin if they saw it on the side, as would my husband, as would my Mum…wtf is with them all seeing it and doing nothing about it and then chastising you?! This isn’t on a d your DH has been a total arse about it too.

JANEY205 · 02/08/2023 03:00

Wtf wasnt your husband helping you with all the jobs you were doing at once? That alone would irritate me.

BrunoMarzipan · 02/08/2023 03:34

God, sounds awful. How long do you have to stay?! Maybe he thought you were a dirty heathen that leaves nappies to fester for weeks. Obviously you aren't.

LindorDoubleChoc · 02/08/2023 04:20

Why would you put a used nappy and a food waste bag together in a Tesco bag (not like a bag for life??) for the bin? Surely the food waste goes in a separate bin and just one thin nappy bag (if at all) is all you need for the nappy.

Tbh it would annoy me a bit if anyone did that in my house. Not enough to have a go about it but it would wrankle. I would however understand that they hadn't done it on purpose.

Tell your dh that you simply won't visit again if he and fil discuss you like this.

What was mil's take on it all?