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Original poster

Husband keeps changing his mind about wanting to be with me

245 replies

Lupin61 · 01/08/2023 09:34

in Our late 30s, married, no kids.
He has told me recently he wants to split up but remain best friends as he feels like our marriage is missing the spark and excitement it once had. I was obviously very upset and practically begged him to reconsider. After a couple of days of him repeatedly telling me he wasn’t happy anymore I then started to accept what he was saying and agreed to start getting the ball rolling with the separation. He then got really upset and was crying his eyes out saying he can’t live without me and he does love me.
The next day he is back to saying he thinks we need to split up. I instantly got very cold with him and just said “ok that’s fine” and then turned my back on him to go to sleep. Again he started to backtrack and was trying to cuddle me saying he does love me and thinks he would be lonely without me. He also said “if I do anything stupid to myself if you leave then please always remember it wasn’t your fault”.
He is back to being distant again today.

this is a total headfuck and I have barely slept for 2 days. Would you walk away if your husband/wife kept behaving like this? His only explanation is he feels like things are boring now and he craves the idea of living alone and having his own space

OP posts:
ChilliNoodleGoodness · 04/08/2023 12:53

Similar happened to my sister, turned out her DH was gay. He wanted to leave the relationship to seek male lovers but didnt want to lose her companionship.

Not saying that is the situation here mind.

Wisenotboring · 04/08/2023 13:15

My first husband did this to.me on numerous occasions. I stuck with him, had 2 children and eventually he left me anyway when he had his exit plan (another suitable woman) sorted. He stole too many years of my life and I wish I had left him when he first showed me how he valued me.

Wisenotboring · 04/08/2023 13:18

He'll start with the script soon I would imagine. Suddenly his mental turmoil will be your fault. In some.way you will be inhibiting him from being himself/being happy. Please remember my message and remember it's him and his desire to sleep with other people...not you.
Pick yourself up, build a.new life and enjoy the freedom of not being dragged down by someone each day.
Sorry to be so cynical but I've just seen this play out so many time s

Original poster
Lupin61 · 04/08/2023 13:52

I mentioned previously that I’ve been very suspicious of a woman at work he spends time with. Im
convinced now that he is having an affair/planning on it which is why he wants me out of the picture but he doesn’t want to completely lose me incase it doesn’t work out. So predictable!

OP posts:
sodthesodoff · 04/08/2023 13:54

Oh op. I'm so sorry.

I can see you desperately want to believe this isn't the real him. And that all those years together have not been a lie.

But this is him now. He doesn't give a fuck about you or your feelings.

You wouldn't treat your worst enemy the way he's torturing you.

He does not have your best interests at heart at all. You need to put yourself first.

Lots of excellent advice on here. Talk to your sister. Talk to everyone. He's being an absolute dickhead and you don't deserve this.

RandomMess · 04/08/2023 14:02

Honestly ask him to leave and make it known that he is having an affair with a colleague at work before he starts spinning his own narrative.

Tessabelle74 · 04/08/2023 14:03

You been to get your side out there first too! Don't let him play the victim once you've gone to your sisters! Put it on your Facebook that you've separated as he's unsure what he wants from life, don't let him get the upper hand and sympathy!

Brieme · 04/08/2023 14:08

Just get rid of him. You haven’t got any kids to stress over and you have your life ahead of you. Don’t waste it pining for this dickhead

Rxy99 · 04/08/2023 15:37

Please get a divorce from him. He's literally playing with your head!! He's so toxic and manipulative it's unbelievable and I'm someone who believes every effort should be made before divorce happens. Please leave him, you can do way better!!!

billy1966 · 04/08/2023 16:25

Lupin61 · 04/08/2023 13:52

I mentioned previously that I’ve been very suspicious of a woman at work he spends time with. Im
convinced now that he is having an affair/planning on it which is why he wants me out of the picture but he doesn’t want to completely lose me incase it doesn’t work out. So predictable!

That is EXACTLY what you tell family and friends.

Embarrass the hell out of him.

He wants to protect himself.

Blow it all up for him.

That you have discovered he is having an affair with a colleague....let the little shit deny it.

DaftyLass · 04/08/2023 16:38

He sounds like such a prick.
You will be so much better off without all his bs

SerenChocolateMuncher · 04/08/2023 16:54

Lupin61 · 04/08/2023 13:52

I mentioned previously that I’ve been very suspicious of a woman at work he spends time with. Im
convinced now that he is having an affair/planning on it which is why he wants me out of the picture but he doesn’t want to completely lose me incase it doesn’t work out. So predictable!

This sounds like my first husband. It turned out that he was having an affair with another woman and wanted me and her to do the "pick me" dance for him while he made up his mind which one of us he wanted to be with.

Don't play his game. You will end up hating both him and yourself as I did.

Shortly after I finally told him to piss off and never come back, he phoned me late one night and told me he was going to kill himself. I told him I was sorry he was unhappy and hoped he wouldn't do it, but that I could not and would not accept responsibility for his bad decisions.

I found out much later that on the night he'd called me he'd had a massive row with OW and was drowning his sorrows in their local pub...

Original poster
Lupin61 · 04/08/2023 16:56

Sorry to hear some of you have had to go through such vile behaviour too. It’s so unfair that my husband had to turn out to be an evil bastard when other people have married such lovely guys. I genuinely believed I had married a good person as he used to be so kind and caring. Just goes to show you can often never truly know someone

OP posts:
Confusedmeanderings · 04/08/2023 20:46

F

aflix · 05/08/2023 00:13

@Confusedmeanderings Just so.

Judelawswife68 · 05/08/2023 00:16

He's an immature, abusive arsehole. Take back the control. You tell him it is over.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 05/08/2023 00:18

I’d tell him to leave. He’s an idiot

Iknowthis1 · 05/08/2023 00:46

"Would you walk away if your husband/wife kept behaving like this?"

Don't walk, run.

nalabae · 05/08/2023 02:18

I was married as a teen and the same thing with the hot and cold happend to me but it was he feels he is missing out. Divorced at 23. Never looked back don't even know what he's doing in life don't care

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/08/2023 23:56

'I think we should be best friends'...like he gets to choose. What an absolute twat. Sorry OP

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