Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this super stingy or do I expect too much

154 replies

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:17

Me and my ex-boyfriend, split up awhile back. We are still cool, and occasionally we will see each other on a casual basis. I've always had a problem with his stinginess....

The other day I decided to go up to see him at his. I'm not driving so I took a cab up there and a cab back. I ate lunch before I went there but wanted dinner. He had already eaten/had leftovers.

There was a Chinese takeaway, five minutes down the road from there, but they only accept cash. I didn't have a card on me as I tend to use contactless, so I asked him if he could withdraw the money for me if I sent it to his account. My dish was going to come up to around £7. When I was in the process of transferring him the money, he said to me, he can't withdraw £7 from the cashpoint. I said obviously, I was going to send you a whole £10 to withdraw.

Now, I know I was the one that wanted to eat, but isn't that just another indication of his stinginess?! Considering the fact that I paid for a cab there, would be sleeping over having sex with the guy, and paying for a cab back, the guy couldn't even pay £3 towards my meal.

Anyway, when I got my food and started eating, he then had the cheek to say that I didn't even offer him any!! I purposely didn't, because I just thought he was so cheeky over the £3 comment.

Really, if he was anyone else , I would have expected him to just pay for the meal - it was £7 bloody quid. Is that asking for too much?
I'm never having sex with him again just to add!!

OP posts:
WeetabixTowels · 31/07/2023 19:22

Let’s put aside the fact that you’re a bit of a mug for going out your way like this to ‘give him’ a shag (is it not your shag too?) - I wouldn’t pay for anyone else’s takeaway either TBH. Even if sex WAS on the table

JonahAndTheSnail · 31/07/2023 19:23

YANBU, I wouldn't want to hang around someone even as friends (without the benefits) if they're that tight.

Dillydollydingdong · 31/07/2023 19:25

You're a bit of a mug aren't you? You pay for cab there and back, pay for your food, put up with his snarky comments and have sex with the prat. Ffs woman, stop being such a doormat.

Tapasgoofy · 31/07/2023 19:25

Yeh he’s a tight ass.

Iv never been over someone’s and they haven’t offered to buy me food/feed me.

Although you knew how tight he was so I don’t know why you bothered going back to shag him.

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:29

@WeetabixTowels i was bored and was went there to chill not purposely for a shag.

Ok you won't buy takeaway for someone but would you remind a partner/ex partner to send you £3? That's the bit that cringes me! If it was down to him, we would still be together!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/07/2023 19:29

It's your fault you're a mug, not his. You knew exactly who he was before you chose to pay for a cab to go to his house, and surprise, surprise, he's still the same tight arse he always has been. You allow him to use you and take advantage of you, so stop it already.

Hufflepods · 31/07/2023 19:31

He’s an ex.

Let that sink in.

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:31

Ok. Can I clarify that he didn't use me. I was ok to spend cab money there and back as it was on my terms and I was bored. The bit I find ridiculous is the £3 request.

OP posts:
MRSDoos · 31/07/2023 19:32

I don’t understand why you are still entertaining this situationship. He’s your friend / ex / he wishes you was your partner. Is going over and sleeping with him when you know he wants to be with you not leading him on?

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:32

He deffo is an ex for a reason!

OP posts:
Clymene · 31/07/2023 19:33

Unless his cock is gold and he's the best fuck you ever had, I'd make this the last shag

FWB should be generous and fun. I can't believe anyone who's that stingy is a great shag anyway.

Hellocatshome · 31/07/2023 19:35

If he's an ex for a reason stop shagging him.

ThomasHardyPerennial · 31/07/2023 19:35

Do you always view relationships as a transaction?

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:35

Minus the stinginess he is a lovely person with great sex LOL. But again, I didn't go for sex specifically!

OP posts:
turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:37

I actually do think there is something transactional about every type of relationship.

I also feel shock horror - it's not manly at all to chase for £3.

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 31/07/2023 19:38

You chose to go and see him, an ex

You chose to take and pay for a cab

You chose to get a takeout (and given you know he’s a stingy bastard you should’ve had cash on you).

No sympathy.

I’m not even sure what difference it makes as you won’t stop sleeping with him. That’s your prerogative of course but knowing what he’s like and still carrying on means you have no right to complain.

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:43

This isn't even a case of asking for sympathy. This is an embarrassing situation to be in. I just wanted extra validation that he is indeed cheap as chips.

OP posts:
CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/07/2023 19:44

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:31

Ok. Can I clarify that he didn't use me. I was ok to spend cab money there and back as it was on my terms and I was bored. The bit I find ridiculous is the £3 request.

The bit the rest of us think is ridiculous is - all of it.

Just find someone else to have this arrangement with. There are literally zillions of men out there.

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:46

@CrazyArmadilloLady should I have asked him to pay for my cabs and dinner?

OP posts:
Clymene · 31/07/2023 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You just lost any sympathy or sisterhood from me.

WhichEllie · 31/07/2023 19:46

Honestly this is rather sad. Please have more respect for yourself. You’re running about all over for him at your own expense and inconvenience, and for what? If you want a new relationship or a FWB then go out and find someone better that will have some respect for you. This guy knows you’re a mug and is taking full advantage.

LadyAstor · 31/07/2023 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Below the belt.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/07/2023 19:47

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:46

@CrazyArmadilloLady should I have asked him to pay for my cabs and dinner?

No?

You should have just ditched him and moved on (see previous point about there being zillions of other men out there). 🤷🏻‍♀️

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:47

@Clymene don't need sympathy! I'm not crying into my pillows lol.

OP posts: