Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this super stingy or do I expect too much

154 replies

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:17

Me and my ex-boyfriend, split up awhile back. We are still cool, and occasionally we will see each other on a casual basis. I've always had a problem with his stinginess....

The other day I decided to go up to see him at his. I'm not driving so I took a cab up there and a cab back. I ate lunch before I went there but wanted dinner. He had already eaten/had leftovers.

There was a Chinese takeaway, five minutes down the road from there, but they only accept cash. I didn't have a card on me as I tend to use contactless, so I asked him if he could withdraw the money for me if I sent it to his account. My dish was going to come up to around £7. When I was in the process of transferring him the money, he said to me, he can't withdraw £7 from the cashpoint. I said obviously, I was going to send you a whole £10 to withdraw.

Now, I know I was the one that wanted to eat, but isn't that just another indication of his stinginess?! Considering the fact that I paid for a cab there, would be sleeping over having sex with the guy, and paying for a cab back, the guy couldn't even pay £3 towards my meal.

Anyway, when I got my food and started eating, he then had the cheek to say that I didn't even offer him any!! I purposely didn't, because I just thought he was so cheeky over the £3 comment.

Really, if he was anyone else , I would have expected him to just pay for the meal - it was £7 bloody quid. Is that asking for too much?
I'm never having sex with him again just to add!!

OP posts:
SquirrelMadness · 31/07/2023 22:43

I don't think it's particularly stingy. If you were dating then sure, but you're not.

But I don't understand why people are giving you such a hard time for sleeping with your ex. If you want to sleep with your ex, go for it, so long as you're both on the same page and nobody's getting hurt. Much safer than hooking up with a stranger.

If he irritates you so much don't do it though.

DoubleTime · 31/07/2023 22:44

Someoneonlyyouknow · 31/07/2023 22:37

Maybe he is hard up. Maybe OP is profligate/royalty - taxis everywhere but doesn't carry cash or cards. Hungry but only wants £7 of takeaway food.

Surely sex should be fun or loving. Or both. The ex is stingy, like he always was. If you want different, change something

Yes, it should. But it doesn't sound like he contacted OP for a visit/meetup -'The other day I decided to go up to see him at his'. OP instigated the visit, uninvited it sounds like - so why should he have to provide anything other than a cup of tea and a biscuit ?

collectorsedition · 31/07/2023 22:44

MysteryBelle · 31/07/2023 22:34

So we can’t use the word manly in reference to a man?

Show quote history

Definitely. Op was using the term to describe it’s manly to pay for a woman. Are men only expected to act old fashioned when it suits the woman?

LuluBlakey1 · 31/07/2023 22:50

Could be an alternative film like 'Four weddings and a funeral' except titled 'Two taxis, a Chinese Takeaway and a 3 quid shag'.

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/07/2023 22:53

I can just imagine this guy on one of those revolting male forums where he is saying "good day today, lads. My ex came round, shagged me, and I made three quid out of it."

AngelinaFibres · 31/07/2023 22:59

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:31

Ok. Can I clarify that he didn't use me. I was ok to spend cab money there and back as it was on my terms and I was bored. The bit I find ridiculous is the £3 request.

Take up a hobby to stave off boredom. Knitting, crochet, still- life painting. All better than shagging a loser.

SquirrelMadness · 31/07/2023 22:59

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/07/2023 22:53

I can just imagine this guy on one of those revolting male forums where he is saying "good day today, lads. My ex came round, shagged me, and I made three quid out of it."

What, why?! I don't understand why people think he's using the OP. She wanted casual sex too. They both wanted casual sex, they both had casual sex. Why does that mean he's probably on a revolting male forum? And he didn't make £3, he's got the same amount of money as he started with.

SquirrelMadness · 31/07/2023 23:02

AngelinaFibres · 31/07/2023 22:59

Take up a hobby to stave off boredom. Knitting, crochet, still- life painting. All better than shagging a loser.

Show quote history

As long as she's enjoying herself and not expecting a relationship out of it, can someone explain to me why sleeping with him is a bad thing? Women are allowed to like casual sex too. We don't all have to sit around knitting.

EsmeSesame · 31/07/2023 23:03

I can’t stand stinginess. Even from a mate/colleague/acquaintance with benefits. It’s so unattractive.

DoubleTime · 31/07/2023 23:03

That's harsh determinedtomakethiswork.

I think perhaps OP that his comment about you not 'even' offering him any food was because he had to walk you to the Chinese and then he got sent to a cashline machine for you. So he walked you to the Chinese and then was sent to the cashline and back and then walked back with you and then watched you eat it in front of him without offering him a taste.

How would you feel if that happened with a friend that just showed up at yours one evening uninvited ?

AngelinaFibres · 31/07/2023 23:04

SquirrelMadness · 31/07/2023 23:02

As long as she's enjoying herself and not expecting a relationship out of it, can someone explain to me why sleeping with him is a bad thing? Women are allowed to like casual sex too. We don't all have to sit around knitting.

Show quote history

Standards are important even in casual shagging

SquirrelMadness · 31/07/2023 23:09

AngelinaFibres · 31/07/2023 23:04

Standards are important even in casual shagging

Show quote history

Maybe I missed something in the posts that have been deleted. Just going from the original posts, he did what she asked him to do and went to the cashpoint. He didn't buy her dinner, but not sure why he'd be expected to as it all sounds very casual.

If she's not happy with it then fine, but equally if she is then I can't see the problem.

Auntieofdragons · 31/07/2023 23:13

What? I don’t understand- Did he give you the £3 cash? Or keep it for himself? Why couldn’t he just have taken your £7, withdrawn 10 and the kept the £3. Did he not have anything at all in his bank? What a loser

HeWhoDaresWinsRodney · 31/07/2023 23:25

leismah · 31/07/2023 20:12

"Karens"? Are you a 14 year old boy from 2018?

I wondered the same!

egowise · 31/07/2023 23:36

YoSof · 31/07/2023 20:10

I’d rather be a Karen than a mug.

This

QueenBitch666 · 31/07/2023 23:40

LuluBlakey1 · 31/07/2023 22:50

Could be an alternative film like 'Four weddings and a funeral' except titled 'Two taxis, a Chinese Takeaway and a 3 quid shag'.

I'm helpless!!! Grin

SquirrelMadness · 31/07/2023 23:47

DoubleTime · 31/07/2023 23:03

That's harsh determinedtomakethiswork.

I think perhaps OP that his comment about you not 'even' offering him any food was because he had to walk you to the Chinese and then he got sent to a cashline machine for you. So he walked you to the Chinese and then was sent to the cashline and back and then walked back with you and then watched you eat it in front of him without offering him a taste.

How would you feel if that happened with a friend that just showed up at yours one evening uninvited ?

I'm with you DoubleTime, from his perspective - she asked if she could come over, she asked if he could go to the cashpoint. He said yes to both. Then she got angry with him. And lots of people on the thread got angry with OP for sleeping with him and called him a loser. I'm so confused.

DoubleTime · 01/08/2023 00:15

Yes, and I'll bet he is too. So.....OP withheld sharing her Chinese dish to retaliate or punish him for apparently quibblling over £3 and then she stayed the night with him. So all he knows (presumably he didn'tget the £3 thing) is that OP shows up when she wants, sends him running errands for her, doesn't share the food that he helped her to get (she couldn't have got it without him) even when he pointed this out, then despite being like this with him stillsleeps with him and leaves.
He probably thinks he is being used OP. Guys aren't great at mind reading.

JenWillsiam · 01/08/2023 07:51

MysteryBelle · 31/07/2023 22:31

It is neither manly nor ladylike to be stingy. Since Op’s ex is a MAN, she used the word MANLY.

Show quote history

No. That isn’t what she said at all.

StartSWagaintomorrow · 01/08/2023 07:56

Take away chinese and then sex 🤮.

Pebblesontheside · 01/08/2023 14:12

I’ve been craving duck and pancakes ever since reading this bloody thread 🤣

Rathouse · 01/08/2023 14:36

DoubleTime · 01/08/2023 00:15

Yes, and I'll bet he is too. So.....OP withheld sharing her Chinese dish to retaliate or punish him for apparently quibblling over £3 and then she stayed the night with him. So all he knows (presumably he didn'tget the £3 thing) is that OP shows up when she wants, sends him running errands for her, doesn't share the food that he helped her to get (she couldn't have got it without him) even when he pointed this out, then despite being like this with him stillsleeps with him and leaves.
He probably thinks he is being used OP. Guys aren't great at mind reading.

Behave. If he wanted food too why didn't he order? Used for £3? Yet wanted £3 change... sounds like he's being used doesn't it 🙄

What a hard life he leads someone doing all the running around to his house and he gets left with an orgams poor man!

NewName122 · 01/08/2023 14:40

Yabu why would he buy your food? Your choice if you want to go see him. I'd guarantee he wouldn't make the same effort.

yogasaurus · 01/08/2023 14:43

It’s a casual shag. He doesn’t see you as someone to care for.

If you keep going back, why would he change?

heartofglass23 · 01/08/2023 15:05

Of course he doesn't hate you, you still tend to his penis!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread