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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this super stingy or do I expect too much

154 replies

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:17

Me and my ex-boyfriend, split up awhile back. We are still cool, and occasionally we will see each other on a casual basis. I've always had a problem with his stinginess....

The other day I decided to go up to see him at his. I'm not driving so I took a cab up there and a cab back. I ate lunch before I went there but wanted dinner. He had already eaten/had leftovers.

There was a Chinese takeaway, five minutes down the road from there, but they only accept cash. I didn't have a card on me as I tend to use contactless, so I asked him if he could withdraw the money for me if I sent it to his account. My dish was going to come up to around £7. When I was in the process of transferring him the money, he said to me, he can't withdraw £7 from the cashpoint. I said obviously, I was going to send you a whole £10 to withdraw.

Now, I know I was the one that wanted to eat, but isn't that just another indication of his stinginess?! Considering the fact that I paid for a cab there, would be sleeping over having sex with the guy, and paying for a cab back, the guy couldn't even pay £3 towards my meal.

Anyway, when I got my food and started eating, he then had the cheek to say that I didn't even offer him any!! I purposely didn't, because I just thought he was so cheeky over the £3 comment.

Really, if he was anyone else , I would have expected him to just pay for the meal - it was £7 bloody quid. Is that asking for too much?
I'm never having sex with him again just to add!!

OP posts:
UnfunnyJester · 31/07/2023 20:03

@LocalHobo I know I know, I said that comment knowing it would wind that poster up. And all the other Karen's on here.

These people here are trying to get you to see how how messed up this situation is. The whole situation sounds pitiful.
You're running around after him at your expense, trying to get him to pay a few quid for a cheap meal that you sat there eating by yourself while he's looking on getting annoyed that you're not offering him any.
And there's supposed to be sex at some point?
Just find someone decent and live a better life.

Batalax · 31/07/2023 20:04

Not sure why you are getting such a hard time op. You split up for the same reason you are moaning now; you are clearly just venting, but that doesn’t mean he’s not an ok person to chill with and shag if you fancy it. He’s not relationship material, but he is a good, albeit stingy, friend(with benefits).

Accept him for what he is and shag him if you want to.

DrSbaitso · 31/07/2023 20:06

You know what he's like. Don't go back for more.

Inertia · 31/07/2023 20:06

It’s stingy of him to expect you to share any of a takeaway that he wasn’t willing to contribute to.

Whattodo112222 · 31/07/2023 20:07

You are immature and just need to grow up.

YoSof · 31/07/2023 20:10

I’d rather be a Karen than a mug.

leismah · 31/07/2023 20:12

"Karens"? Are you a 14 year old boy from 2018?

Align · 31/07/2023 20:12

You chose to break up with him because he's stingy. You are now taken aback that he's still stingy. Like you knew he would be. There's no AIBU really, you either put up with it or stop seeing him.

ImABlueyMum · 31/07/2023 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

And you sound rude, immature and unpleasant.

Mayhem3 · 31/07/2023 20:16

DrSbaitso · 31/07/2023 20:06

You know what he's like. Don't go back for more.

She’ll definitely go back for more.

Redbushteaforme · 31/07/2023 20:20

I’d rather be a Karen than a mug.

This.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/07/2023 20:22

Batalax · 31/07/2023 20:04

Not sure why you are getting such a hard time op. You split up for the same reason you are moaning now; you are clearly just venting, but that doesn’t mean he’s not an ok person to chill with and shag if you fancy it. He’s not relationship material, but he is a good, albeit stingy, friend(with benefits).

Accept him for what he is and shag him if you want to.

Oh, come on.

Hauling ass over there at her own expense - and then home again! Sitting there like a chump eating Chinese alone. While he moans about the cost of it. And then presumably having sex???

By all means, have a FWB arrangement - but this one absolutely is (and I don’t use this word lightly) pitiful.

ThatFraggle · 31/07/2023 20:29

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:55

@ThatFraggle very wise words. I'm actually not trying to date atm. That's why I have a lot of time on my hands and why I even considered seeing my ex that day!

My point is that even in the future, when you are 'ready' people who know about how you allowed yourself to be a mug won't recommend decent people to you.

You're making yourself into a low status person through your choices.

Whataretheodds · 31/07/2023 20:31

You're not wrong that it's stingy but, as you say in your opening sentence you already know this about him so it's a bit naive to be upset now.

UnsungShero · 31/07/2023 20:31

Did the money situation happen before or after your shagged him?

StinkyWizzleteets · 31/07/2023 20:33

OP how is what you do with him now different to how you were in a relationship? You hang out, you have sex and you and he moan about money (from different angles) - he’s not really an ex. He’s a stingy bloke getting what he wants from you without having to participate in any of the nicer or more responsible bits of being in a relationship.

and what do you get other than the odd orgasm and someone nagging you about £3?

move on and find someone who is the person you want them to be, someone more financially compatible with you/

mumda · 31/07/2023 20:33

Meh. You know what he's like. That's why he's an ex.
Either out up within stingyness as a friend or don't.

I suspect most people wouldn't tolerate that level of friendship.

brentwoods · 31/07/2023 20:33

You are a mug. You said you already know what he's like, so why bother with him?

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/07/2023 20:39

ThatFraggle · 31/07/2023 20:29

My point is that even in the future, when you are 'ready' people who know about how you allowed yourself to be a mug won't recommend decent people to you.

You're making yourself into a low status person through your choices.

Show quote history

Just to back up this point…

I know you think we’re a bunch of middle-aged, out-of-touch has-beens (so it’s a bit strange as to why you came here for input)….

But there won’t be many of us who, in our heyday, would’ve been up for such a shitty arrangement. Believe me.

What most of us are implying, perhaps in rather harsh terms, is that you can do better than this.

As I’ve said a couple of times now, there really are plenty of men out there. You can do a lot better.

Wouldn’t you rather a man cabbing over to you, paying for himself to get there and back, and no quibbling over pennies??

Moreorlessmentallystable · 31/07/2023 20:39

The whole encounter sounds depressing AF. Why do you even bother? I would much rather have no company at all.

Onesipmore · 31/07/2023 20:41

Are you expecting too much was your question.The answer is that you should have no expectations of this individual. I think every single person on this thread is in agreement with that.

Davros · 31/07/2023 20:42

When did "situationship" become a word? It's on this thread twice. "Situation" will do [misses point of thread].

DrSbaitso · 31/07/2023 20:44

You do expect too much, because you know exactly what to expect. If you're only seeing him for sex, the fact that he's still the same old miserly twat that he was before shouldn't bother you. You don't want anything more than sex and friendly company, do you?

Stop directing your ire at posters. You're angry and upset because he's the same person he always was, even when you're doing him the favour of sleeping with him without asking for any commitment. He's the arsehole, he's exploiting you and nothing you do will stop him from being this person. Break free, aim the vitriol in the right direction and find someone who knows how to love.

ireallycantthinkofaname · 31/07/2023 20:49

can tell it's the school holidays

yawn

alwaysmovingforwards · 31/07/2023 20:54

turnthetvoff · 31/07/2023 19:32

He deffo is an ex for a reason!

Well he's certainly treating you an ex.

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