Is this super stingy or do I expect too much

[turnthetvoff]

Me and my ex-boyfriend, split up awhile back. We are still cool, and occasionally we will see each other on a casual basis. I've always had a problem with his stinginess....

The other day I decided to go up to see him at his. I'm not driving so I took a cab up there and a cab back. I ate lunch before I went there but wanted dinner. He had already eaten/had leftovers.

There was a Chinese takeaway, five minutes down the road from there, but they only accept cash. I didn't have a card on me as I tend to use contactless, so I asked him if he could withdraw the money for me if I sent it to his account. My dish was going to come up to around £7. When I was in the process of transferring him the money, he said to me, he can't withdraw £7 from the cashpoint. I said obviously, I was going to send you a whole £10 to withdraw.

Now, I know I was the one that wanted to eat, but isn't that just another indication of his stinginess?! Considering the fact that I paid for a cab there, would be sleeping over having sex with the guy, and paying for a cab back, the guy couldn't even pay £3 towards my meal.

Anyway, when I got my food and started eating, he then had the cheek to say that I didn't even offer him any!! I purposely didn't, because I just thought he was so cheeky over the £3 comment.

Really, if he was anyone else , I would have expected him to just pay for the meal - it was £7 bloody quid. Is that asking for too much?
I'm never having sex with him again just to add!!

You don't value yourself very highly.

Yes he's extremely stingy and petty with his £3. And probably controlling. Tight people are.
Good riddance.

Agree OP has got a hard time here. I personally wouldn't shag him anymore I've learnt just because you are casual there still needs to basic respect. Considering OP is an ex its even worse.

There are plenty of men with good manners don't get a shag and will pay for a meal out. It's the principle for me. There's no way I could even bring myself to shag him... download OLD OP.

For real? That would make it something other than FWB. You aren’t looking good here. Move on.

Ah, the heady flush of true romance!

My gut says I'd transfer the £10 for him to withdraw £10 and then I'd keep the change from the Chinese.

You're not in a relationship, he's got a history of being stingy and I'm not sure what you expected.

You say you went round to chill, not to have a shag. I'm willing to bet he viewed this as a FWB arrangement.

Exactly this. What the fuck has stingy-ness got to do with being "manly"?? What a bloody ODD comment to make. I'd laugh if it wasn't so ridiculously offensive!

Develop some higher standards and self respect because others clearly don't respect you.

You’ve set your own bar. It’s on the floor.

If you want food pay for it yourself, you’re an independent woman.

I'm feeling a bit confused about the whole arithmetic thing. Your order was £7 but he points out he can only withdraw £10. The Takeaway gives change doesn't it ?

YABU for only ordering £7 worth of food in the Chinese! What did you get, one starter?! When I order one I usually have £36 quid blow out. You should have done that in front of him! 🤣

Ouch - was there a need for that comment ?

Jesus. Who lives like this?

YANBU. I wouldn’t dream of asking for the £7 never mind the £3.

You shouldn't really expect respect and appreciation from someone who neither respects nor appreciates you. As far as he is concerned, you were there for a reason, and whether he lent or gifted you £3 made no difference to that reason. Hence, there was no benefit to him to give you £3.

When you make your expectations to be treated a certain way clear to people, they have the option of either treating you properly or losing you. In your case, he knows he doesn't need to because you keep coming back anyway.

Outside of all the other stuff, he's an EX. Anything 'boyfriend-y' no longer applies He is squarely in the category of 'friend' or 'friend with benefits' if you choose to think of him that way.

If a friend came to your house and wanted a takeaway would you expect to pay for it? I wouldn't. I do agree with you that I wouldn't expect to share it with them though.

If a friend asked you to lend them the cash (only repayable via transfer @ £10) so they could pay for a £7 meal, then they should give you £10, the amount you transferred to them, not just the price of the meal. But I don't understand what £3 he was 'chasing'. You 'borrowed' 10. If he just gave you 7 to cover the meal or he paid for the meal with the cash, then he owes you 3. What am I missing here?

I think you need to just leave him alone. If he's so 'stingy' why do you want to be around him, let alone shag him.

Op.

Better bored than pay for cab to have sex with a piece of scum then pay for your own cheap takeaway because scum won’t then pay for another cab to go home.

Do you have any inkling at all of what a relationship is supposed to look like?

“Do I expect too much?”

You expect too little. Of yourself and others. That’s your problem.

It’s not MANLY?!

🙄

YES, MANLY. Do you need a few minutes on the fainting couch?

With respect, you're not even worth £3 to this man. He's tight yeah - but you're enabling him, letting him have his cake and eat it with zero effort. I think you should set some higher standards for yourself and stop seeing this tight wad.

I wasn’t aware that stinginess was gender specific. Who knew I could be stingy with my mates, boyfriends etc. Wish I had known this years ago.

Know your worth
You knew he was stingy when you were together so why expect him to change?

YABVVU on the basis that he's your EX-boyfriend. You act like you are doing him a favour but it was you that got bored and went there to chill. Presumably you also like sex and benefit from it as a consenting adult, you are not erm selling your services such that only he benefits as you put it.

Grow up, dump him properly and maybe work on your self-esteem.