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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for train ticket

125 replies

Menopausecrazy · 31/07/2023 13:39

Ds is 16 years old. At the moment we are having real problems with his attitude and behaviour. He wants to visit a new girlfriend that lives 30 miles away. I’ve been buying him train tickets but I can’t keep paying several times a week , especially as he is so rude. Today he is telling me he is going to visit his girlfriend. He has no money. He said he will hide in the train toilets. Apparently it’s a victimless crime. I’ve told him that it’s wrong but he could earn money from doing some jobs for me. He has declined. What should I do?

OP posts:
PaniniHead · 31/07/2023 13:40

Leave him to it. If he gets caught then he pays the fine.

Leftphalange100 · 31/07/2023 13:40

Missing the point but can you even do that anymore? Where I live each station has a barrier you have to scan a ticket into to get out so if he did that here he would get to the station but then be stuck there

KinooOrKinog · 31/07/2023 13:40

Let him try it. If he gets caught he can face the consequences.

theGooHasGone · 31/07/2023 13:41

We've all done stupid things as teenagers. He could have money but doesn't want to, so let him get caught by the ticket inspector in the hope that it teaches him a lesson.

Barrell · 31/07/2023 13:41

Leave him to it.

If he gets fined or has to pay the penalty fare, let him sort it out himself. He seems to have all the answers.

Tessasanderson · 31/07/2023 13:42

Let him get on with it. Not your problem. I would also be pointing out he wont be getting any money in the future either until he changes his attitude. No child of mine would get away with speaking to me without respect.

WhenHarryMetTaylor · 31/07/2023 13:43

.

Whataretheodds · 31/07/2023 13:44

Does he qualify for a railcard? Does he get an allowance?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/07/2023 13:44

If he wants a criminal record that much, he'd best get on with it.

WhenHarryMetTaylor · 31/07/2023 13:46

I was just going to suggest what @Whataretheodds has mentioned. You could get sn age 16-17 railcard which costs £30 for the year and then you get discounted fares using it bear with me here

If you've got tesco clubcard points you can buy it using them

Original poster
Menopausecrazy · 31/07/2023 13:49

Whataretheodds · 31/07/2023 13:44

Does he qualify for a railcard? Does he get an allowance?

No he doesn’t get a allowance as he would buy weed or vapes

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 31/07/2023 13:49

I have seen young people get over the ticket barrier problem by walking very closely behind the person in front, and going through at the same time. I have also seen station staff watch them do it, and take no action at all. So DS may be planning on trying this as a means of accessing/exiting the station - may have a problem if there is no one going in/out at the same time, or he isn't quick enough and the barrier whacks him which I think would hurt!
I certainly wouldn't be giving him any more money until such times as he remembers is manners, and would let him take the consequences if he gets caught fare dodging.

LaylaLjungberg · 31/07/2023 13:50

On this occasion you need to let him fuck around and find out. Let him deal with someone else who won’t take his attitude when he gets caught.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/07/2023 13:56

The problem that I have with the answers above is - let's face it, chances are he won't get caught. Then - does it escalate?
The reason I don't behave criminally is because of my moral conscience, there are things I still don't do even if I won't get caught. But then - I'm not 16. This is so difficult op, I don't know!

TinySaltLick · 31/07/2023 14:03

Get a job as a ticket inspector, follow him onto the train and every sixty seconds push a penalty fine notice under the toilet door until he yields

Then dress up as mick lynch and wake him up at 4am demanding payment

DismantledKing · 31/07/2023 14:05

If he’s very, very lucky and the barriers are open at both ends then he might get away with it. If he’s unlucky, he won’t.
I agree with a previous poster, it’s ‘fuck about and find out’ time for him.

Approaching · 31/07/2023 14:09

It doesn’t sound like you have enough control over him to prevent him doing it. So yes I’d probably leave him to it, no bailing him out of the consequences

CatsOnTheChair · 31/07/2023 14:10

Leftphalange100 · 31/07/2023 13:40

Missing the point but can you even do that anymore? Where I live each station has a barrier you have to scan a ticket into to get out so if he did that here he would get to the station but then be stuck there

All sorts of places - pretty much everywhere around here.
I always get caught by surprise by stations (outside London) that require a ticket to exit the station.

GladAllOver · 31/07/2023 14:13

As above. If he won't listen to you, let him listen to the law.

But why is he like this at 16? Have you never been able to control him? Has he MH issues?

Mutinyonthecrunchie · 31/07/2023 14:14

Crack on ds, you'll be sorting out the resulting mess if you get caught. If he gets away with it once he may try again and again until he gets caught.
A criminal record is not cool.

xsquared · 31/07/2023 14:15

I'd also let him get caught. He will at some point.

Ds did this with a group of friends, and yes, he got caught and paid the fine. All for the sake of £5 ffs.

EnglishPearFreesia · 31/07/2023 14:16

Stop paying until he does the jobs or makes effort to get a job. At 16, this is non negotiable. Why can't they take turns to do the journey to see one another ?

EnglishPearFreesia · 31/07/2023 14:20

.......weed and vapes.......ohhhhh dear. I'm sorry OP. And we think the first 6 months are hard............ Parents can only talk and talk and try to reason.... in the end, they do what they want to do. I hope he does find a suitable job soon though.

LakeTiticaca · 31/07/2023 14:35

If he's such a smart arse let him get on with it. He might not get caught first time but he will eventually.

BigBeeee · 31/07/2023 14:43

I hope he doesn't hide in the toilets. What if someone really needs to go and can't get on because he is hiding in there for the whole trip?

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