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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not pay for train ticket

125 replies

Menopausecrazy · 31/07/2023 13:39

Ds is 16 years old. At the moment we are having real problems with his attitude and behaviour. He wants to visit a new girlfriend that lives 30 miles away. I’ve been buying him train tickets but I can’t keep paying several times a week , especially as he is so rude. Today he is telling me he is going to visit his girlfriend. He has no money. He said he will hide in the train toilets. Apparently it’s a victimless crime. I’ve told him that it’s wrong but he could earn money from doing some jobs for me. He has declined. What should I do?

OP posts:
CheshireCat1 · 31/07/2023 17:23

He’s winding you up thinking you’ll cave in and give him the fare. Definitely don’t back down. As long as he understands the consequences let him get on with it.

Suspific · 31/07/2023 17:27

Let him know that fare dodging could lead to him having a criminal record and he would have to declare it to future employers (someone did so at an interview I held and they had to declare anything that might come up on the required DBS check). Not a victimless crime as he could end up as the victim.

But you shouldn't pay. Make him aware of the consequences of his intended actions and let him know you won't pay the fine when he gets caught.

frazzledasarock · 31/07/2023 17:30

as a kid when I lived in london teen boys would regularly walk really closely behind you to get through without paying.

I also saw many casually vault over the barriers and keep walking.

depending on your sons response and the ticket inspector he might get away with just being made to buy a ticket. That’s if he’s very lucky.

I was once on an overground train caught in london to the outskirts & the inspectors got on and told me that the train I was on needed it’s own ticket not a tfl one. Having only travelled within tfl area it was a genuine mistake on my part, I apologised offered to pay whatever I needed he didn’t charge me as I had a ticket just the wrong one. But I was being honest (and I was very confused). Took to asking the train station staff for future journeys (another reason why I hate the proposal to leave stations automated and un-peopled).

your son does need to be taught a lesson.

FrostieBoabby · 31/07/2023 17:33

Are you sure the money you have previously given him for training tickets was actually spent on that or have you inadvertently been paying for the weed habit?

FrostieBoabby · 31/07/2023 17:34

Train*

MollysBrolly · 31/07/2023 17:34

Why isn't his gf visiting him?

Twyford · 31/07/2023 17:35

Point out to him that the railway services are not so naive that the hiding-in-the-toilets trick will work, and having a criminal conviction could mess him up for life. Point out again that you are not saying no to funding a ticket, you are simply asking him to do so work to earn it which is hardly unreasonable; or that his girlfriend can always come to visit him.

Does he have a 16+ Railcard or a 16-17 saver?

Madamecastafiore · 31/07/2023 18:10

Give him a list of jobs he can do to earn money for his train ticket and tell him they're the sort of jobs he'll be spending his life doing for minimum wage if he gets caught for fare evasion.

Comefromaway · 31/07/2023 18:12

gingerguineapig · 31/07/2023 17:05

These stories of people being fined because their bags with their railcards had been stolen are ridiculous. I can understand issuing the fine or charging the full amount for a ticket at the time, but surely once you write in with a crime number, that should the end of it - they rescind the fine/penalty fare or refund part of the ticket price. Especially if you have evidence that you had a valid railcard at the time.

Evidence of valid railcard and evidence of theft of railcard should = fine being waived. At least the first time. The idea that someone had to get a solicitor involved - what planet are these rail companies on?

Of course that isn't the case here and the OP's son will just get a penalty fare if caught.

Ds’s friend is appealing but the terms are that you have to have the railcard on you. Apparently he should have upgraded his already bought ticket once the card was stolen (which happened as he was changing trains£

Tinkerbyebye · 31/07/2023 18:20

Let him go, if he is caught he takes the consequences

itgetsthehoseagain · 31/07/2023 18:25

Leave it there! You've been fair and reasonable.
Don't cave.

Moveoverdarlin · 31/07/2023 18:28

Off you pop then son! Surely there’s barriers to contend with? Before you get on and when you get off. The other day I travelled from Bristol to London and back in peak times. My ticket was £290 with underground too. If it was as easy as hiding in the toilets, we’d all be doing it.

mumwon · 31/07/2023 18:29

(side tracked) toilets on all trains, not locked up because they are out of order?

Crepesandconans · 31/07/2023 18:33

TinySaltLick · 31/07/2023 14:03

Get a job as a ticket inspector, follow him onto the train and every sixty seconds push a penalty fine notice under the toilet door until he yields

Then dress up as mick lynch and wake him up at 4am demanding payment

Brilliant 😂

NoTouch · 31/07/2023 19:10

I guess the answer is to call his bluff and tell him to go for it. Asks if he gets a fine how is he going to pay for it? What does he have to sell?

Then make sure he knows what the consequences are if he doesn't pay the fine, and that it is a criminal conviction with long term consequences if he doesn't.

Not sure I could follow through with court if he bluffed all the way. I never got to that point with ds(19), who would tell you I have a brilliant poker face and he was always unsure so would fold well before it got to that stage with something so serious.... Not an easy one if your ds will go all the way.

JudgeRudy · 31/07/2023 19:13

Not sure you need to do anything but I'm unsure where he stands if he gets caught. Is he classed as an adult at 16 or 18. He clearly knows he should buy a ticket. There's a very high chance he'll get caught. It's not the 1970s. Technology has caught up. Some stations you can't even get on/off the platform without a ticket. My concern would be how he is going to pay if he has no income. I guess ultimately you'll pay and just not buy him anything other than the absolute essentials.

PriamFarrl · 31/07/2023 21:20

Let him do it and let him stand by the consequences.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 31/07/2023 23:37

This reminds me of the old joke about the two blokes who decided to travel for half price by buying just one ticket between them.

That way, when the guard came along and demanded to see the ticket, unwilling to be fooled by somebody hiding in the toilet, one of the blokes would keep quiet, but the other would apologise that he was in no fit state to come out of the toilet - but he would gladly slide his ticket under the door for the guard to verify that he had bought a ticket.

However, another couple of blokes cottoned on to this, so one of them pretended to be a guard and asked to see his ticket - and then, when they slid the one ticket they'd bought between them under the toilet door, he grabbed it and the two of them ran into the toilet opposite with it - ready to slide it under their door when the real guard came along Grin

DdraigGoch · 31/07/2023 23:55

DismantledKing · 31/07/2023 15:29

And what, just wait around until this lad turns up? I imagine they’ve got better things to do, like running a railway station.

Show quote history

If indeed there are any staff at all.

DdraigGoch · 01/08/2023 00:05

StrictlyJowita · 31/07/2023 16:16

Sometimes I wonder what planet people are on when they suggest things like this

Me too. A middle class white planet I'd say for sure.

It reminds me of those parents who say to their children in shops 'do t do that the lady will tell you off'.

I hate it when people use officials (police officers/railway guards/shop assistants/whoever) like that when they can't control their own kids. These are the people the kid should feel able to speak to if they feel unsafe. They should not be feared.

It's not the middle class parents, mind.

DdraigGoch · 01/08/2023 00:09

gingerguineapig · 31/07/2023 17:05

These stories of people being fined because their bags with their railcards had been stolen are ridiculous. I can understand issuing the fine or charging the full amount for a ticket at the time, but surely once you write in with a crime number, that should the end of it - they rescind the fine/penalty fare or refund part of the ticket price. Especially if you have evidence that you had a valid railcard at the time.

Evidence of valid railcard and evidence of theft of railcard should = fine being waived. At least the first time. The idea that someone had to get a solicitor involved - what planet are these rail companies on?

Of course that isn't the case here and the OP's son will just get a penalty fare if caught.

Or perhaps the posters didn't follow up these avenues. You do get one opportunity per year to forget your railcard and have any charges waived, provided that you produce the original ticket, new ticket/penalty fare notice and railcard (I assume that a crime number and the proof of purchase would be fine when stolen) within 28 days.

WandaWonder · 01/08/2023 00:09

You can't do anything

DdraigGoch · 01/08/2023 00:12

mumwon · 31/07/2023 18:29

(side tracked) toilets on all trains, not locked up because they are out of order?

Or, as happened the other week, a would-be fare evader tried to dash straight into the only toilet onboard, but couldn't because there was another fare evader already hiding in it.

Msbluebozooka · 01/08/2023 19:11

Have you sat him down and had a conversation about why you can’t be handing money out on a whim?. Letting him crack on to commit a crime is not the answer. You need to stop fighting figure out an alternative solution , I’ve just gone through the same with my DS good luck

CrapBucket · 01/08/2023 19:16

Teens are hard work- loads of them bump the train and they get no penalty at all irl. Mind you my dad used to do the same thing and he grew up to be a vicar so it’s probably not the worst crime ever.

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