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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for train ticket

125 replies

Menopausecrazy · 31/07/2023 13:39

Ds is 16 years old. At the moment we are having real problems with his attitude and behaviour. He wants to visit a new girlfriend that lives 30 miles away. I’ve been buying him train tickets but I can’t keep paying several times a week , especially as he is so rude. Today he is telling me he is going to visit his girlfriend. He has no money. He said he will hide in the train toilets. Apparently it’s a victimless crime. I’ve told him that it’s wrong but he could earn money from doing some jobs for me. He has declined. What should I do?

OP posts:
KinooOrKinog · 31/07/2023 14:49

WhenHarryMetTaylor · 31/07/2023 13:46

I was just going to suggest what @Whataretheodds has mentioned. You could get sn age 16-17 railcard which costs £30 for the year and then you get discounted fares using it bear with me here

If you've got tesco clubcard points you can buy it using them

I don't think the issue is affordability. Rather that he's rude and entitled and he's trying to blackmail his mum into paying for the ticket.

Peony654 · 31/07/2023 14:52

His decision. Don’t buy him anything apart from essentials; he needs to get a job.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/07/2023 14:56

Leeds2 · 31/07/2023 13:49

I have seen young people get over the ticket barrier problem by walking very closely behind the person in front, and going through at the same time. I have also seen station staff watch them do it, and take no action at all. So DS may be planning on trying this as a means of accessing/exiting the station - may have a problem if there is no one going in/out at the same time, or he isn't quick enough and the barrier whacks him which I think would hurt!
I certainly wouldn't be giving him any more money until such times as he remembers is manners, and would let him take the consequences if he gets caught fare dodging.

And I make sure I walk through in such a way that it’s not possible to walk through behind me for this reason!

OP - Id let him try and see what happens

ManchesterLu · 31/07/2023 15:06

Let him do it. It's not a victimless crime, because he will become the victim and have to pay a fine if/when he gets caught. My cocky stepson thought he could get something for nothing and found out the hard way by doing exactly this. He's never done it since.

caringcarer · 31/07/2023 15:12

If he was caught would it show on a DBs check?

Dbank · 31/07/2023 15:20

I would remind him it would be theft to travel without paying, and you won't be helping him when he gets caught one day.

If he was 12 I would say he's being naive at 16 it's a "life choice".

DNLove · 31/07/2023 15:25

I'd ring the train station and get them in on a plan to scare the sh1t out of him. Pay for his ticket on the sly but ask them to make a holy show of him, threaten the police, make him experience what could happen in a safe environment.

DismantledKing · 31/07/2023 15:29

DNLove · 31/07/2023 15:25

I'd ring the train station and get them in on a plan to scare the sh1t out of him. Pay for his ticket on the sly but ask them to make a holy show of him, threaten the police, make him experience what could happen in a safe environment.

And what, just wait around until this lad turns up? I imagine they’ve got better things to do, like running a railway station.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 31/07/2023 15:29

He needs to get a job! I’m a probation service officer and one of my people on probation has an old conviction for not paying for a rail ticket so it’s definitely not worth the risk!

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 31/07/2023 15:29

He'll also turn up at his girlfriend's smelling like a train toilet.
Easiest way for him to learn, just let him crack on with it.

CherryMaDeara · 31/07/2023 15:31

Let him make his mistakes and learn.

Chances are he will chicken out.

SlipSlidinAway · 31/07/2023 15:35

DNLove · 31/07/2023 15:25

I'd ring the train station and get them in on a plan to scare the sh1t out of him. Pay for his ticket on the sly but ask them to make a holy show of him, threaten the police, make him experience what could happen in a safe environment.

Yeah right - they've got nothing better to do 🙄

SlipSlidinAway · 31/07/2023 15:37

If he has no money, how will he pay the fine if he gets caught? And get home?

DismantledKing · 31/07/2023 15:39

I think that the whole point of the thread is that he hasn’t thought things through.

MinnieTruck · 31/07/2023 15:40

LaylaLjungberg · 31/07/2023 13:50

On this occasion you need to let him fuck around and find out. Let him deal with someone else who won’t take his attitude when he gets caught.

🤣🤣 this is the sort of comment I’d see on The Shaderoom on IG. I love it!

INeedAnotherName · 31/07/2023 15:44

we are having real problems with his attitude and behaviour.
Leave him to it.

His actions to you have the consequences of no money.
His actions of not paying the fare could have the consequences of a large fine.
His actions of getting a large fine leads to the consequences of getting paid work.

He may rethink his actions more often for when he becomes a fully functioning member of adulthood. That is a win for him, you and society as a whole.

LakieLady · 31/07/2023 15:45

When I was 16, I had a boyfriend who lived somewhere inaccessible by public transport, so I used to hitchhike over to his house.

Would that be an acceptable alternative?

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 31/07/2023 15:45

I hope he doesn't hide in the toilets. What if someone really needs to go and can't get on because he is hiding in there for the whole trip?

Exactly this. Apart from all of the above re stealing a free ride, it's also not a victimless crime if there are other passengers who desperately need the toilet and can't use it. Does he think that trains have toilets fitted just for decorative purposes?

I've been on trains when this has happened and it's a really nasty thing to do. To be honest, even if a guard doesn't catch him, somebody else may report him, or even administer their own brand of 'justice'. All he needs is a huge, angry dad whose young child ended up wetting (or worse) themselves because of his selfishness.

Nanny0gg · 31/07/2023 15:50

Let him get on with it

And refuse to pay the fine

Nanny0gg · 31/07/2023 15:52

DNLove · 31/07/2023 15:25

I'd ring the train station and get them in on a plan to scare the sh1t out of him. Pay for his ticket on the sly but ask them to make a holy show of him, threaten the police, make him experience what could happen in a safe environment.

What???

PrimitivePerson · 31/07/2023 15:53

As someone who works in the railway industry, let me point out that the consequences of fare evasion, even once, can be very serious - especially if you give whoever catches you any lip.

DismantledKing · 31/07/2023 15:53

LakieLady · 31/07/2023 15:45

When I was 16, I had a boyfriend who lived somewhere inaccessible by public transport, so I used to hitchhike over to his house.

Would that be an acceptable alternative?

Everyone wants to pick up a grumpy teenager stinking of weed.

SheRasBra · 31/07/2023 15:55

Let him get on with it. If he can remain conscious in your average train bog for a 30 mile journey, good luck to him.

Kinneddar · 31/07/2023 15:55

I'd ring the train station and get them in on a plan to scare the sh1t out of him. Pay for his ticket on the sly but ask them to make a holy show of him, threaten the police, make him experience what could happen in a safe environment

Sometimes I wonder what planet people are on when they suggest things like this

Comefromaway · 31/07/2023 15:56

He is likely to get caught at some point.

About a month ago my son's friend had his wallet with his railcard stolen at Piccadilly station (half way through his journey) His rail ticket was on his phone but he had a physical railcard in his wallet.
On the 2nd leg of his journey the ticket inspector came on and he had to pay £80 because he couldn't show his railcard.