In-laws and my new sister-in-law

[RozDoylessister]

My in-laws are late 70s 80s old enough to be my parents’ parents. They are bloody lovely!

They are Catholic and are not English, kind, generous and very family oriented.

When my brother and sister-in-law announced that kids weren’t invited to their wedding I knew my parents weren’t going to be impressed but I was dreading my in-laws finding out as they would be so upset. In the end my kids were invited.

Anyway didn’t my in-laws (along with husband’s niece who is 10) turn up at the church for my brother’s wedding yesterday. They absolutely wouldn’t have thought that they were doing anything wrong. They would very genuinely have thought that they were showing respect to my family. My Father-in-law handed over a card to my brother with £50
My sister-in-law was just not impressed. She was thunderous. She came snarling at me asking what they thought they were doing. I had no idea that’s what they planned.

When we went down for breakfast today sister-in-law’s mother asked if they had been trying to wangle an invitation.

Husband is mortified. What would you say to Sister-in-law? DH thinks there’s going to be a rift. Went back to my parents’ this afternoon and they were laughing but my mum said sister-in-law’s family was going on about my in-laws.
Mum has just phoned and said brother has mentioned it as well and sister-in-law is still annoyed.
My in-laws meant nothing by it. Niece behaved impeccably and they all left immediately bride and groom got in car.

OP your brother is as bad as your new SIL to have said anything to your parents or yourself instead of shutting down his wife and PILs.

Well no, of course it doesn’t - but invited guests would hopefully respect the wishes of the bride and groom. This is the problem with just turning up, even if you’re legally entitled to do so.

But no one has the right to a child-free wedding in a church. If you want a child-free wedding, you can hire a private venue and dictate that. The couple's preference can't override the church rules.

I'm not saying I'd bring kids to a church wedding where I knew they weren't wanted personally! But the couple don't have the right to exclude anyone from church. So if that's important to you, don't have a church wedding.

I’ve never said anyone has the right to a child free wedding in church.

A couple getting married in a church thought it was a private booking???

And I'm finding all the talk of their 'culture' a bit odd - do you mean church goers?

Do people think funerals are invite only as well?

DH and I were invited to a wedding ( the whole event ) but our children weren’t .
that was absolutely fine as the wedding was in my old home town so my parents were able to mind the children for me for the day .
We all went to the church, my children and my parents wanted to be there for the marriage ceremony .
After that we all went to the venue to grab a coffee and a scone in the cafe at the hotel ( we had an idea it would be some time before the meal ) and give my children a chance to say hi to the bride before going home with their grandparents.
The bride and the entire wedding party thought that was a really nice thing to do

Not an English tradition.

Irish tradition, not an English tradition. It's never happened at any of the weddings I've been to in England.

Be ready to shut down any nasty comments. Tell brother and SIL that all was a surprise - but a lovely one.

Tell them that if that was the worst that could happen to them they were surely going to have a fabulous marriage.
It is such a first world problem. They need to get real.
Remind your brother to send a thank you note to your PIL.

Your in-laws sound lovely. Bride and groom should send a thank you note. I feel sorry for your in-laws - but also for you and your parents having to put up with SIL’s poor behaviour. I hope it was the stress of the day but frankly I find grown-up women behaving badly while dressed as princesses completely tragic.

Turning up at a church to watch a wedding much is an English tradition. Giving the happy couple a gift probably isn't.

Oh. Well then. I must be wrong...
You having been ti all the weddings in my English village...

Very much tradition where I live in England.

Not being tradition where you live doesn’t make it not an English tradition at all.

Quite common in England (in South and South West) for people to come to the church and wait outside. I have never heard of uninvited people attending the actual wedding.

Sounds like you need to come down pretty hard on your new SIL, tell her what's what/how things work in your the family she's just married into and put her firmly in her place at the bottom of the heap. How very rude of her particularly when they came offering good wishes and a gift. What the hell is it with these awful Bridezilla types?

Don't fret any more about it. If it's brought up again remind the newly weds that it was a kind and respectful action (and a thank you note is in order). You may express sadness that they don't understand church etiquette. Your lovely in-laws will never suspect such rudeness or ingratitude so will remain oblivious

My ex H's first major partner came to watch our wedding without being invited. We got on well enough, but not that much..

I mean this just sounds weird, why is she "at the bottom of the heap"?

😆😆😆 They’re not the bloody Mitchells! And real life isn’t Albert Square.

If my husband’s sister thought she could “come down hard” on me and tell me I was “bottom of the heap”, I’d laugh in her face. Who fucking wouldn’t?!