Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner’s family booked a holiday without me

314 replies

Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 22:32

Hi, looking for opinions on this situation:

I’m from another country, my partner is from England. We used to live in London, but shortly before our children were born we moved out of London so we could buy a house. We settled near to his family; after our children were born the relationship between me and my partner’s family deteriorated. I found MIL very overbearing and after a few intense situations, I have limited contact with her. MIL and FIL see children weekly.

I used up all my holiday for visiting my home country with my partner and children and have no holiday left for this year, I work part time (3 days during the week and every Saturday).

My partner’s family ( his parents, sister and her partner) have booked a caravan holiday next weekend and my partner and children are expected to attend. There has been no mention of me attending (I’m working on Saturday and can’t book any time off).
My partner is more than capable of looking after the children. However I feel sad and don’t think it’s appropriate to book a holiday for my children(both under 5) without me being there…Am I over reacting or you think this is ok?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 30/07/2023 22:35

I think that it's fine for one parent to holiday with the children, or any other family member. I don't think that the children should miss out because of the working hours of the parents, it's selfish. You've had time with the children with your family, now it's your DH's turn.

DinoRoar14 · 30/07/2023 22:38

But a parent will be there.
You can't go. And don't like them

This sounds like a win win

Original poster
Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 22:38

Ok thanks, good to see a different perspective. My partner and children come abroad with me..so it’s not like he’s missed out on a holiday.

OP posts:
Whadda · 30/07/2023 22:42

I assume they asked your boyfriend and he was involved in the arrangements/dates?

If you limit your contact with your MIL, of course she’s not going to want to see you during your holiday.

Why should you children miss out on a holiday with their family?

Trenda · 30/07/2023 22:50

In your situation I would think that is a win. The kids get a holiday with family and you get some time in the house on your own when youve finished work.

Overthebow · 30/07/2023 22:52

You used your holiday visiting your family. Your DH may want to holiday with his.

HippyPippy · 30/07/2023 22:53

I’m not sure why you’d expect to be invited given the context?

Original poster
Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 22:55

He was asked, but it was a few hours between the initial conversation and the booking of the holiday.
Contact between us is limited in order to have a civil relationship.

OP posts:
warblingwater · 30/07/2023 22:59

If you got on well with them would you feel the same way? You still wouldn't be able to go after all, would you still be unhappy about your partner going without you?

Original poster
Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 22:59

I expect to be invited, as I think it’s rude to not be asked.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 30/07/2023 23:01

It's rude not to ask you even if your unable to attend

HippyPippy · 30/07/2023 23:02

Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 22:59

I expect to be invited, as I think it’s rude to not be asked.

I understand that, but his family know you don’t like them so it’s unsurprising

GameOverBoys · 30/07/2023 23:04

They should have asked you

warblingwater · 30/07/2023 23:05

Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 22:59

I expect to be invited, as I think it’s rude to not be asked.

But you don't like them, limit contact with them and (presumably) your partner would've told them you have to holiday time left ?

rwalker · 30/07/2023 23:05

You all don’t like each other your just being purposely difficult about this

BurntWindowcleaner · 30/07/2023 23:05

Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 22:59

I expect to be invited, as I think it’s rude to not be asked.

But why would they ask in a tokenistic way if they know perfectly well you’ve used all your annual leave and can’t go. Presumably the children’s father is perfectly capable of looking after them, and it’s nice for him to have some time with his family, if he’s been on holiday to see yours already — and presumably far more straightforward without a spouse who has a difficult relationship with them…?

YoBeaches · 30/07/2023 23:06

I think you need to understand what the conversation was between your partner and his parents. Did he tell them you were working and couldn't make it?

I'm a bit mixed on this. I suspect they didn't invite you anymore than you would make holiday plans and invite them. It's an example Of the relationship you have.

If dad is ok to look after then then enjoy the break.

underneaththeash · 30/07/2023 23:06

Well if you've limited contact with her why would she want you to come on her holiday?

WhateverMate · 30/07/2023 23:07

Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 22:59

I expect to be invited, as I think it’s rude to not be asked.

Oh don't be so silly.

You don't like your inlaws and you're working anyway. Why on earth would you expect to be asked?

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/07/2023 23:09

Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 22:59

I expect to be invited, as I think it’s rude to not be asked.

But if they'd asked you, then you'd complain that they didn't actually mean it.

YABU. You don't like them. Sounds like they don't like you either. You're working. You have no holiday left. Why on earth would they invite you?!

If this is your attitude, I'm starting to understand why they don't like you.

TiaraBoo · 30/07/2023 23:10

In these circumstances- with your low contact, I’m assuming they sorted it all out with your DP and he said you had no holiday left to take and went ahead and made plans with his side of the family. As they see the children weekly, it’s not like they’re strangers to them and need their mum to come along as well as dad.

Although I’m not sure what the etiquette is to ask someone when you know they don’t like you is. I suppose they could’ve asked just the kids to go and not dad.

pinkdelight · 30/07/2023 23:11

I expect to be invited, as I think it’s rude to not be asked

That's so weird in the circumstances. You don't like them and have limited contact. The last thing either side wants is to spend holiday together, even if you could go, which you can't. Sorry but it feels like you're looking for reasons to take umbrage. It's eminently sensible for them to keep their relationship with DP and the DC separate and have a nice break with them while keeping things civil but more distant with you. Enjoy having the time to yourself. You sure as hell wouldn't wanna be in a caravan with them!

Original poster
Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 23:11

warblingwater · 30/07/2023 22:59

If you got on well with them would you feel the same way? You still wouldn't be able to go after all, would you still be unhappy about your partner going without you?

I think that if we got on, there would have been an attempt to organise the holiday when everyone has availability.
I have been talking extra hours at work and have built up “ additional holiday”, but I need more than a week’s notice to book time off.
Thanks for your comment, it has given me food for thought.

OP posts:
Whattheactualwhatnow · 30/07/2023 23:11

You want limited contact with your in laws but also want to be invited to their family holiday that you can’t go to?
I don’t think you can have it both ways OP

Original poster
Isthisrea · 30/07/2023 23:13

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/07/2023 23:09

But if they'd asked you, then you'd complain that they didn't actually mean it.

YABU. You don't like them. Sounds like they don't like you either. You're working. You have no holiday left. Why on earth would they invite you?!

If this is your attitude, I'm starting to understand why they don't like you.

Show quote history

That’s useful

OP posts: