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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does it really have to be like this with babies?

196 replies

Juno999 · 30/07/2023 13:26

Just from one or two friends who've had them in the last year. One friend says they won't be leaving the UK for several years now that they have a baby. It's not a monetary issue, they are very high earners.
I mean it's their choice of course, just seems a bit restrictive.
Both friends have incredibly strict naptime routines. Maybe it helps with the baby's sleep at night, but they will never deviate from the routines, the entire days revolve around them.
I suppose I was naive, I know some babies will only sleep in certain places but overall they're portable. I'd always thought I'd take my baby with my where I went, rather than limiting how much I can go out or do anything due to very strict naptimes.
Sorry if this all sounds naïve.

OP posts:
Brunilde · 30/07/2023 13:33

Some of my friends had portable babies. I did not! They will not nap anywhere but the car or their cot. This is not for want of trying. But as you said the upside is they are fantastic sleepers so you win some you lose some. I don't think you can plan this you just have to work with what you get. But I don't understand why not napping elsewhere means they can't go away. Ours would sleep in other cots travel cots etc. But it had to be a cot.

greglet · 30/07/2023 13:33

Depends on the baby, depends on the parents.

Sorry but it's really a 'how long is a piece of string' question.

I had a baby last year and very quickly realised that he was happier and slept better at night if he napped regularly during the day. We've still been on holiday with him loads, including abroad, but we've always made sure that naps have happened whilst we've been away, even if some of them have been on the move rather than in his cot.

mrssunshinexxx · 30/07/2023 13:33

Have you got kids ? I was fairly strict with my first routine wise as otherwise their mood would be hell, so crabby! Chilled out abit with my second but it's still easier to stick to routine imo

mrssunshinexxx · 30/07/2023 13:34

Got a 18m old and a 3 year old haven't wanted to brave abroad yet will do next summer hopefully

Fluffycloudsblusky · 30/07/2023 13:34

Every parent/baby is different.
Dc 2 would nap when we were out. DC 2 would not
Both DC were better if the holiday place looked like a home - bedroom, kitchen, front room. We could never get them to sleep in a hotel room.
It can’t be predicted.
Some parents are more rigid that others.
It’s always worth trying to see if you can take your baby wherever your plans are. Don’t stress too much. See how it goes. Every parent is different.

Whattheflipflap · 30/07/2023 13:35

Absolutely not.
my kid came everywhere with us. Only abroad once but we went on lots of uk trips, lots of dinners, day trips. I found dd very portable

ata345 · 30/07/2023 13:36

I was a strict routine person but this isn't the only reason we haven't been abroad yet.

It's also that I personally couldn't see the point. To me it would be just taking care of baby in a different location with fewer convenient things around so not much of a holiday for me!

NuffSaidSam · 30/07/2023 13:36

Depends on the baby, depends on the parents.

If you think it would make you happier to be a 'carry on as normal and take baby along type' then try that, hopefully you get a baby that works for.

Your friends are free to parent how they see fit aren't they? Nothing wrong with a UK holiday or a naptime routine.

If you very much want to carry on with your life as is, then I'd suggest not having a baby at all. That's also a perfectly valid option.

Original poster
Juno999 · 30/07/2023 13:36

Thanks for your replies.
No children yet but hoping to have one.

OP posts:
whatabeautifulwedding · 30/07/2023 13:36

I honestly felt exactly like you op before I had kids.
What I realised very quickly was that if your baby/child isn't happy then you can't be happy.
So making sure that all their needs are met including them having adequate naps is a huge thing for parents.
Yes of course you can take them out and about but if you have a baby that wakes up as soon as you get them out of the car seat then you're going to have a grumpy/crying child on your hands.

GloomySkies · 30/07/2023 13:36

I could go anywhere because my baby wouldn't sleep anywhere at all, so it made no difference. The exhaustion was hell, I don't blame your friends one bit. If a strict routine for a couple of years is the price to pay for not hallucinating from tiredness, so be it.

Gymmum82 · 30/07/2023 13:36

Depends on you and the baby. I took both mine abroad from being tiny and never stayed in for nap times. They napped out in the pram/car when needed

LT2 · 30/07/2023 13:37

Can't speak for all as, like you say, perhaps some need a specific environment for naps. We go out and do anything with out 18 month old. I guess we are lucky he will nap in the car or the buggy.

AlligatorPsychopath · 30/07/2023 13:37

Well, it sort of depends completely on the baby you get. Mine required a lot of help getting to sleep. A lot. It was not one of those babies in my NCT group that just dozed off wherever when tired. And if I didn't proactively manage the sleep to a schedule, we were all fucking miserable. A clear routine was the least worst option for all of us.

I attempted to reason with the baby and tell them they were ruining all the ideas about being a parent I had when I knew nothing about being a parent didn't have a baby, but for some reason that didn't work very well.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/07/2023 13:38

I'd always thought I'd take my baby with my where I went, rather than limiting how much I can go out or do anything due to very strict naptimes

The people who aren't doing this, aren't not doing it out of choice

AnnaNims · 30/07/2023 13:38

We never had any sort of routine with ours, which was more laziness on our part than a conscious decision.

We also flew with them from 6 months onwards, including lots of long haul. We definitely had friends that thought travelling with babies was off the cards, but we didn’t and found it really easy.

whatabeautifulwedding · 30/07/2023 13:39

Not sure on the "not leaving the uk for several years" thing though. Most babies and toddlers could handle a short haul flight to Spain etc. Did they say what their concerns are?

cariadlet · 30/07/2023 13:40

I was quite rigid with naps and early bedtimes but it didn't stop us doing our usual holidays.

Our first holiday abroad was when dd was 3 months old. When she was 11 months old, we went backpacking around South America for a month.

I found the baby years easy because dd didn't mind where she was as long as she was with us. No moans of, "I'm bored." Breastfeeding helped.

wineschmine · 30/07/2023 13:40

It just very much depends.

In answer to your specific questions, no, we holidayed abroad with young kids (hard, and some years were harder than others, but not impossible).

As regards nap / routines, I had a very loose routine, it's just not in my nature to be regimented about things. So I wasn't chained to the house at certain times like other mums I knew. The flip side being that I had some very stressful / unsuccessful outings and was always flying by the seat of my pants.

Everything is just an unknown and depends what kind of baby you have and how much support you have.

Overall, I found having a baby waaaay more of a change than I could ever have anticipated. Nothing prepares you for it.

Mamai90 · 30/07/2023 13:40

I didn't do routines for naps and let DD sleep in the pram if she needed to because being confined to the house is my idea of hell.

I have had friends who stick rigidly to their babies routine and I can understand that too, it might take ages to get them into one and then once it's broken you're back to square one. Also if a routine is helping you get much needed sleep at night time then I can see why some people are so rigid as DD slept awfully at night for the first year and it's fucking hard!

CurlewKate · 30/07/2023 13:41

All babies are different-but from observation, I THINK (could be wrong, of course!) that you can steer them in the direction you want them to go. I wanted hippy babies that I could take anywhere so as soon as I recovered from the birth and established feeding, that's what I did. I truly don't know whether my babies were just that way inclined or I brainwashed them....

Didimum · 30/07/2023 13:41

It is naive, but in a completely understandable way. You just don’t know what sort of baby you will have or how you will cope with parenting until you have one – no one does. I too envisioned having a very portable baby, who would fit into my life and I have always travelled a lot. Then I had twins - nope. Routine was king to keep everyone sane international travel just wasn’t worth. It is relatively a short blip in life no matter what happens. I have similar friends who only had one baby and life did have to stop for a bit. It is utterly UTTERLY miserable carting an unwilling and overtired baby to places when they need to nap or don’t travel well. Don’t judge your friends too harshly.

Diddykong · 30/07/2023 13:41

Going abroad is also a pain before they're out of nappies and car seats because you have to carry it all with you. A small carry on for you + nappies + car seat + pram = I'd rather stay at home

Mamai90 · 30/07/2023 13:42

And DD was holidaying from she was 5 months old (to England, we're in Ireland) and we went to Spain when she was 9 months but we holiday with family so that makes things easier with a small baby.

itsmylife7 · 30/07/2023 13:43

Juno999 · 30/07/2023 13:36

Thanks for your replies.
No children yet but hoping to have one.

OP come back and update this thread when you've had your baby.

We all have plans about babies/children not changing our lives too much but the babies have other ideas 😁

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