Does it really have to be like this with babies?

[Juno999]

Just from one or two friends who've had them in the last year. One friend says they won't be leaving the UK for several years now that they have a baby. It's not a monetary issue, they are very high earners.
I mean it's their choice of course, just seems a bit restrictive.
Both friends have incredibly strict naptime routines. Maybe it helps with the baby's sleep at night, but they will never deviate from the routines, the entire days revolve around them.
I suppose I was naive, I know some babies will only sleep in certain places but overall they're portable. I'd always thought I'd take my baby with my where I went, rather than limiting how much I can go out or do anything due to very strict naptimes.
Sorry if this all sounds naïve.

I think you are lucky then. Seen enough adults taking sensible precautions and still suffering to know sucking doesn't provide a magic cure for some people.
Certainly seen enough babies in pain to think it's not a good idea just for parenting in a change of scenery.

And to the poster above, the reason people tut is because taking a baby on holiday is often putting parents needs before baby's. I've had a baby be sick on me, watched someone drop their baby on their head as they feel asleep and felt guilty I didn't get there in time to stop it, had to sit in the smell of explosive poo all flight and listen to a baby very clearly in pain countless times. And yes, I'm sorry to admit it but I am judging parents for putting babies and other passenger through unnecessary stress. I wouldn't say anything of course (apart from the guy who dropped the baby on its head and pretended to his wife who woke up it was crying for milk, wanted to say something then)
It just all seems a bit unnecessary to me.

But then it's a different type of holiday, we don't do lots of touristy stuff and visits when we go to my family. We can generally adapt to their routine most days, and shift things a bit when we have days out. Family will also help providing a lot of stuff so we don't have to take too much from home.

Loads of people do travel with small children. For holidays and to see family. It's really fine and not that unusual. You can choose not to but you don't need to not fly to see family for 5 years or whatever arbitrary time you've picked up from this thread.

My nephew came to visit twice before he was 3 from NZ. My friend flew to family in Ireland about 9 times in her baby's first 2 years. A colleague's DH is Australian. They went to Oz during both her mat leaves. Etc.

This is hilarious

Anyone who was relaxed about naps probably had a baby that would fall asleep when tired, anywhere. I had friends with that model of baby. On a playmat, in her arms in a cafe. On someone else's lap, in supermarket trolley.

Or those with routines and need to be at home probably had the baby that needed coaxing to sleep every single time. Cried the place down if they were even a tiny bit tired and loathed being held by others etc

I'd love to see the 'relaxed about naps' gang manage the babies in the second group

😂😂😂😂

It so depends on the baby. One of mine didn't sleep well at all, and life was so much better when we accepted that and did everything within our power to ensure they got as much sleep as possible. Yes, it is an extreme lifestyle, but it beats having a miserable howling child and the consequent sleep deprivation for parents: when such a child is overtired then it becomes a vicious circle in which they cannot get to sleep.

My other child would sleep anywhere and everywhere. She also didn't need to be entertained when she was awake, as she would sit happily watching the world go by. Our lives hardly changed when we had her.

Definitely go into parenting having no expectations as how you think things are going to be are often very different. Everyone parents differently and everybody finds different things stressful. You’ll have some people that have very portable babies and they take them everywhere with no concerns, and then you’ll have others who have their baby in a strict routine and would rather miss events than change the routine. There’s nothing wrong with either of those options but at the end of the day it’s very easy to judge other peoples situations. What we all need to learn to be is supportive of other parents decisions and work on building people up not knocking them down.

Family is different though isn’t it? Because you can put the child down on a blanket on the living room floor or they might organise to have a cot etc (my sis had everything and when we visited her we had the ease of being at home). A pool holiday or a holiday with excursions in the heat is different

Yeah it is quite hard. My inlaws live flying distance (2 days' drive) away and tbh we were just lucky that when our kids were little they were still fit enough to travel to us - we live near their home country so they would use us as a base to see other relatives too. I'm not going to pretend that having my inlaws stay for 2 weeks every summer was my favourite thing but it meant MIL got to see the kids and that was awesome. Now they are in their 80s and it's a bit shit. DH took the kids to see them... christ, nearly 2 years ago now. Then last autumn my mother died and I had to take time off to go over to the UK and deal with her affairs so he stayed behind to try and WFH and look after the kids over the autumn holiday at the same time This is with the background of us having like 5 weeks holiday each and the kids are off school for 13 weeks, we just about manage by a mixture of WFH and not taking many overlapping holidays bc there's not a lot of holiday clubs or anything here. If we want to go anywhere we usually have to take the kids alone and then just share a hotel, thank christ they're 11 now and really helpful, if my mother had got ill when they were younger we would have just not managed. And that's with nobody needing time off ill this year.

Let to the friends live their lives.

we had a rhythm to the day which worked, rather than being a slave to an afternoon nap in the cot.

the “not leaving the UK for several years” is nuts.
We had holidays and international house moves before they started school. (3 in 3 years). They are very well travelled. It really is not difficult.

Might be easy for you. Not so for others. This is obvious, no?

I see many mothers of babies buying Calpol. Is this for the all important naps?
I'm glad some parents don't want to take children abroad- the fewer of them on planes and other transport, the better.

No it doesn't have to be like that at all, I have a friend similar to yours who says she won't go abroad until their DC is about 5. We've found it really easy and enjoyable. We have always kept to a routine with our 22 month old, set nap time and set bed time but we've took DS away since he was 8 months old and going away for our fourth holiday abroad in a few weeks and each time we've had a fantastic time. He has always adjusted great, still had his day time nap in the pram for a few hours while we relax in the sun and then on an evening he naps for a few hours in the pram after our meal while me and DP have a wander around/few drinks/watch a show etc. He still sleeps through the night on holiday too. Each time we've came back home he's adjusted very quickly back into his usual routine. At home he much prefers to nap in his cot but on holiday he naps in his pram without any issues (white noise, snooze shade and fan and he's out like a light) which is great as I wouldn't want to spend hours trapped in the room waiting for him to wake.

Some parents definitely do restrict themselves yes.
Ive always just done whatever and it's been fine. I'm not showing off by the way, everyone's lives are different. But I do roll my eyes a bit (internally) sometimes when people are saying they can't do things because of naps and stuff

I took mine away a lot as babies but they were terrible sleepers and only either slept on me or in a moving pram. Not even a moving car. If the pram stopped for a second they woke up. So whilst them not sleeping was pretty hideous it did mean that as long as I was there to sleep on and we went away with some sort of buggy we could travel quite easily. The routine was out of the window anyway, much as I read every book in existence and tried every technique.

Loved travelling abroad with my little one.

Did it at 4 months to see family in France and a couple of times a year to a family villa in Italy (in laws live there).

DS wasn't an easy baby but travelling broke up the monotony.

It really depends on many things. As a baby DD wanted to be wide awake at night and asleep lots of the day, so getting nap time right to improve night sleep became important. DS only wakes for feeds then goes back to sleep at night so he really is pretty portable and I let him sleep when he wants in the day

Oh yeah, we're all dosing them up with that well known sedative paracetamol 🙄

Eh? It’s for teething and illnesses. Which incidentally can affect naps but mostly I don’t want my baby yelling in pain; if he sleeps well, which he needs, that’s a bonus. I see many parents of babies buy all sorts of things designed for babies, it’s usually for something the baby needs. I see many mothers of babies buying nappies, just can’t understand it, is it for naps?

I see many adults buying paracetamol, can't understand it, is it for stress?

I know you're not judging OP but it does come across a bit judging - like you're thinking people simply can't be bothered to visit their relatives abroad or their horizons are narrowed because they are boring people.

It really, truly, honestly is the difference between thinking "Where can I go to have the most FUN?!!" which is a pre-baby thought - and the post baby thought, which is "What can I do to minimise my EXHAUSTION??!" You're rarely starting from a position of "I'm fine, what next?" You're usually trying to claw back the best approximation of feeling a tiny bit normal again.

Some people need sleep to do that. Some people need to feel they are travelling or whatever. It's really nothing to judge.

Those visiting family abroad are often trading off their own discomfort against the benefits their child will get/parents will get from bonding. Or they seek emotional support which is worth putting up with the physical hardship of travelling with a baby.

Before I had my child we were keen travellers and holidayed often, and wanted to spend as much time abroad on holiday with him whilst he was little.

Sadly it's incredibly difficult to travel, even within the UK, if your child has supplemental oxygen and compromised immune system. It took us 1.5 years to be comfortable even going on holiday in the UK.

We did have our first holiday abroad in June though which was incredible 😊

I had two good sleepers so whilst I tried to ensure they had the opportunity to nap at the right time and tried not to plan to go anywhere if I knew for sure it would be a nap time. Nap time meant I got free time to do stuff at home, so I liked to capitalise on that. But not all kids are as easy going as my two so I was happy to be flexible where it made sense.

I also took DSs abroad aged 6months and 2.5y/o. It was fine. We went abroad again when they were 14months and 3y/o - long haul with a 5 hour time difference. It was ok. The flight out was fine but the red eye on the way back wasn't much fun 😅. It wouldn't stop me going again though. We're considering taking them short haul aged 2 and 4 and will definitely be doing long haul at almost 2.5 and 4.5. Traveling with kids is certainly harder, but myself and DH like exploring so 🤷, just means we won't do any weekend trips or anything anymore.

That's not for me, DD is 10 weeks old and has a cuddle with a bottle and for a few minutes after then I put her down. She sleeps anywhere, is settled and we are going to Portugal next month on holiday.

I have a baby and I'm not like this. I have friends who are obsessive about routine and nap schedules and it's very OTT. It's important to an extent, but there's no problem breaking it occasionally.

I personally think they'll grow up to be more adaptable and easier children if they fit into our lifestyle more.

We've taken my son abroad on a plane once in his 4.5 years so far. It was awful and I would happily not fly with him again for several years, until he is old enough not to behave like a hooligan. We holiday in Britain quite happily and don't see any point in travelling a long way when the kids are small as holidays are just childcare in a different location at this stage.