Does it really have to be like this with babies?

[Juno999]

Just from one or two friends who've had them in the last year. One friend says they won't be leaving the UK for several years now that they have a baby. It's not a monetary issue, they are very high earners.
I mean it's their choice of course, just seems a bit restrictive.
Both friends have incredibly strict naptime routines. Maybe it helps with the baby's sleep at night, but they will never deviate from the routines, the entire days revolve around them.
I suppose I was naive, I know some babies will only sleep in certain places but overall they're portable. I'd always thought I'd take my baby with my where I went, rather than limiting how much I can go out or do anything due to very strict naptimes.
Sorry if this all sounds naïve.

I have always prioritised sleep and that has been restrictive BUT I have two fantastic sleepers as a result and so it's been totally worth it for me. There is nothing worse than an overtired child. It's not forever either, their stamina grows as they get older and you gain back flexibility.

As for holidays, I'm not sure (other than money) why kids restrict trips? Although holidays with kids can sometimes feel like more effort than they're worth - I still enjoy them though so I guess it's personal presence.

I think it depends what you want from a holiday as well. We like spending time with family (we invited SIL and BIL on holiday this year) and giving the kids a bit of a different experience, but if you want to lie around on a beach all day and do nothing and then enjoy long boozy dinners into the evening, you can't realistically do that with small DC and having to factor in day trips, entertainment, packed lunches, sun creaming small reluctant people, safety supervision, food they will eat etc as well as naps (naps are probably the least of your worries, but do factor in!) then some people say nah, rather not pay thousands just to have an experience which doesn't fit our definition of relaxing.

Which is totally fair, I think. They then start going on holiday again when the DC are old enough to go to kids' clubs.

We had twins and hadn't planned on a schedule but needed one to save our sanity.
Not everyone does.

We didn't travel abroad for three years, there just didn't seem any need.
We needed a huge volume of stuff for dc and they were happy with much more low key excitement, finding crabs on a British beach etc.

From 3 onwards we travelled more.

Our dc basically burned our old lives down to the ground. We got great new lives but they weren't the same ones.

Until you have a child I don't think you're really in a position to truly understand, let alone judge. My child had me up every 2-3 hours for months and I was almost suicidal with sleep deprivation. So now he has one nap a day, which means he sleeps through the night, no, I won't compromise or deviate from it because I'm finally getting some sleep and my mental health is improving. We tried to take him on holiday when he was 10 months old and it was shit, he slept even worse than usual and we were all miserable. So not an experience I'm willing to repeat really, until he's old enough to understand and likely to not be too unsettled by it. There is a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and until you've experienced a child who sleeps very poorly then yes, yabvu.

I have one ds.

I was never that hung up on nap times. Ds would get grumpy/sleepy early afternoon up to about 12 months but if I wanted to go anywhere I just put him in a sling and carry on as normal.

But I was never keen on mum & baby groups either. And I never gave ds shop-bought baby food. I was bored on maternity leave, so we went hiking (summer baby). DS was quite used to having his nappy changed on the edge of a corn field. 😊 He was a very adaptable baby.

But he isn't good with high temperatures so holidays since have been in the UK/Channel Islands or skiing. And some babies have allergies or special needs that take management. I imagine it gets much more complicated with two.

Well it depends on the baby and the holiday. I took DS to Spain aged 10 weeks. I stayed with my lovely Aunt who fed me and went for short strolls with him in a sling, brief swims in the pool while he slept and one restaurant meal.

It was fantastic a city break sightseeing tour- not so much.

For me the worst stage is the crawling/ weaning stage (6-11 months)just so much stuff. I had a flexible routine, but once on solids they predictably needed their lunch at 12 and tea at 5:30 or all he'll broke loose. Try meeting these friends at 8:30am on a weekend morning, that is likely to be the best time.

No, it doesn’t. We’ve taken ours away since they were tiny, and I’ve travelled alone with them extensively to see family.

For us, the earlier they did it, they earlier they got used to changes in routine, different foods, beds.

Yes, there’s a lot of paraphernalia, in the early years but it’s the same whether you’re home or away.

With dd1 she would nap anywhere up until about 1 when the only place she would nap was from 1-3pm in her cot so as much as we were up and out most days there was no chance I would deviate from that nap where u could help it coz those 2 hours were absolute bliss for me 🤣🤣🤣

With the twins they would nap anywhere. Did take them all on holiday at 15months and it was hell. The only place the twins would nap, was the buggy, while being pushed in 29 degree heat hahahaha

My 2.5yr old DS was a chilled out baby that would nap anywhere but I haven't been abroad since he was born. I just don't see the appeal. You're just looking after a baby in a different country. It probably also depends on the types of holidays you like to do. I hate package holidays or holidays by a pool. I think these types of holidays work better for young families though.

You obviously can do city breaks, road trips and long hikes with a baby, but in my experience it isn't worth the expense. I'd rather do UK holidays until my DC are older.

Its personal choice, I travelled including long haul and backpacking, never had set naps or bed times, generally I fitted them into my life. It tends to be older parents who are more rigid in my experience

I had a nap and a feed routine but it never stopped me doing anything, she slept anywhere, cot at home, pushchair when out with the snoozeshade cover over, we took her abroad from 8 months old and she travelled well and still does, LOVES her holidays.
Parent how works for you

I had really strict routines with oldest 2 as that was what family and health visitor etc all said we 'should' do. I've mellowed a lot though with age, confidence and experience. Baby 4 is 7months and he's very portable but we do have some things we stick by such as his mealtimes. We also try not to go out after 6ish with him unless unavoidable but that's just because he'll fall asleep and then bedtime is a nightmare if he naps late!

I don't think there's a right or wrong and parents and baby figure it out together as they go. You kind of have to compromise and fit in to each others routines. Lots of parents go abroad with little ones. My only consideration would be for what I would call special holidays as I would want them to remember. We would love to go to Disney land florida but it would be a 1 of as we would have to really save etc and I would want him to remember going!

I love hearing how people parent their imaginary children.

Depends on the baby, and depends on the parents. There’s no ‘standard’ experience of parenting, just specific individual ones.

In my due date group on Facebook (from earlier this year) there's a lot of emphasis on naps and routine. We have a loose routine and I'm trying to get him used to napping upstairs (with me in the room) rather than contact napping because ultimately I want him to have good independent naps in his own room at some point. He also sleeps way better at night and is just generally happier in the day and if he has regular routine and I feel like he learns more/better if he's rested which makes sense.

I was shocked when I had a baby and realised they don't always just sleep when they're tired, especially in the first few months, you have to actively work at it for many babies, I've read. Some babies obviously will just sleep whenever and wherever but it hasn't been my experience, same for my friends with babies. Sometimes I feel a bit restricted but it's not forever and if it makes my life easier I'm happy to just make sure I'm home for naps or somewhere baby will sleep (car pram etc), it's not that difficult to plan stuff around their naps tbh.

As for going away, I'm a bit nervous about taking him abroad but we aren't going until next year when he'll be like 18 months, we're just doing a UK caravan holiday this year. Seems a bit OTT to say they won't go away for years but everyone is different and all babies are different. If you've only had a unicorn baby you're not gonna be able to empathise with parents with a dragon baby completely.

Just as other posters have said it depends on the baby. Mine has always been able to slot
into whatever I’m doing, happy to miss the occasional nap, can sleep anywhere type, BUT more recently she’s been refusing pram naps, won’t fall asleep on me and has started to find missing naps a bit more challenging. I’ve found cot naps to be the best and it means I get an hour or two to get on with jobs (or put my feet up with a cuppa and a box set).

Re going abroad, I simply can’t be bothered. I have just as nice a holiday in the UK, can take my own car, pack everything I could possibly need and take it at my own pace. We’ll go abroad when she’s a bit older and we don’t need as much stuff!

Dealing with an exploded nappy while travelling and also wrangling a toddler is a version of hell.

Mine were all portable and slept in car, pram etc. It did mean I didn’t get the pleasure of 2hr naps but it meant I wasn’t that restricted

Going abroad with babies and toddlers can be a nightmare. They need so much stuff (even if you plan on buying nappies and wipes when there). Airlines are not the most careful with prams and pushchairs so then you need a cabin size one and then some other passengers side eye you for taking up so much precious cabin space, plus bag for baby. The waiting around is torture with a toddler if they are not playing ball that day. If you get delayed then it's even worse.

If they are picky eaters then they end up surviving on fruit and ice cream at the hotel. The pool can be cold and deep.

Also, if your child decides to go on sleep strike on holiday, getting home from abroad requires finding flights, transfer to the airport etc. In the UK you can pack the car and drive home at 3am.

We had a dream baby, slept everywhere and through everything. They are an absolute demon as a toddler and will go on sleep strike (record is 6 hours total sleep in 3 days, we were all beside ourselves with exhaustion but no matter what we tried she would not sleep for more than half an hour).

We haven't been abroad yet.

I have a 7 month old and try to stick to a lose routine but if there is somewhere I want to go that doesn't fit in with the routine I will still go. We went travelling round Europe a few months ago and the routine completely went out the window and it was fine! I think it depends on the baby though.

We have been abroad with both as babies, both times to visit family, and it was nice, but it isn't like pre-kid holidays, it's just all the hard work of looking after a baby/baby+pre-schooler in a different country. I can absolutely see why a lot of parents wait until kids are older.

I had strict routine very early on. Its important. Babies love and thrive on routine.

I think it depends. We’ve been relaxed about nap times and sleep schedules because we have a relatively easy baby who’s a good sleeper. But I couldn’t be arsed to take him abroad because it’s just the same parenting in a less convenient place. It’s not a holiday.

We still had routines but still managed to go on holiday. We went to Disneyland Paris when DS1 was 2 and DS2 was 5 months and we just stopped at their meal times and then went back to the room not too late in the evenings. We also did long haul at 3 and 18 months. Big time difference also but they just adapted to it all. They weren't necessarily the most easy going babies but it did seem to work OK. We also did cruises when they were babies.

However I can't think of anything worse than a normal beach/pool type holiday with under 3s. I genuinely can't see what anyone gains out of it.

Airlines are not the most careful with prams and pushchairs

Can confirm an airline broke our pram 😡.