Does it really have to be like this with babies?

[Juno999]

Just from one or two friends who've had them in the last year. One friend says they won't be leaving the UK for several years now that they have a baby. It's not a monetary issue, they are very high earners.
I mean it's their choice of course, just seems a bit restrictive.
Both friends have incredibly strict naptime routines. Maybe it helps with the baby's sleep at night, but they will never deviate from the routines, the entire days revolve around them.
I suppose I was naive, I know some babies will only sleep in certain places but overall they're portable. I'd always thought I'd take my baby with my where I went, rather than limiting how much I can go out or do anything due to very strict naptimes.
Sorry if this all sounds naïve.

Before we had kids, dh and I were convinced we'd take our future baby everywhere we normally went. Including camping and day trips. How hard can it be, we thought.

When our twins were born we were hit with a large dose of reality! 😁 Let's just say that portability depends very much on the individual baby/babies. They both vomited a lot, they screamed, there were health issues. For me, going to the shop or a trip to the park were major achievements.

I know other people have contented, easy going babies that can be taken anywhere, but unfortunately you can't predict how your own baby will be.

My GC were easy going, but one didn't like hot weather. Going abroad would have meant staying under air conditioning. She also had glue ear, so until she had grommets fitted, no going in the pool, otherwise constant ear infections. Two of my children's additional needs meant restrictions. You just don't know what you will get when it comes to children.

Agree with @ata345 wrt 'taking care of the baby in a different place with none of the convenience'.

You come home feeling in desperate need of a holiday.

Definitely agree with this. It makes all the difference to have someone to take the baby off your hands for a little break.

It really depends. On the baby, the parents, your tolerance for deviating from routines.

But on the flipside, I know a couple who travelled round Africa with their infant son. It wouldn't have been for me, but they seemed to enjoy it.

We took DS2 abroad 3 times in his first year. One of those trips was to New Zealand when he was 5 months and his brother 4yrs. We didn't really have a choice as my SIL was getting married. There were challenging moments, but it was fine over all.

Try to keep an open mind - you won't know how you'll feel until the time comes.

Life us for living not to be nap trapped. Make the memories don't sit in a dark room clock watching your life away

You can do whatever you like. I'll tell you what I did if you want because I did not do any of that!
I had a beautiful baby and it's a wonderful feeling too. At first it was really difficult because I couldn't breastfeed and putting her into a moses to try and get her to sleep, well firstly it was impossible and secondly I could not cope with the sleep deprivation.

I did a lot of research around breastfeeding of course as I needed to try and get my baby to latch and to pump. I also found much information which led me to just follow my baby’s needs and wants. Respond to her basically.

I fed her on demand. No routine at all. I put her into my double bed safely as guided, and she slept fine all night long, as did I. So sleep deprivation was totally eradicated. I put her in a sling, carried her around, did jobs while she was there, fed her there, she slept there, she hardly ever cried.

Her attachment is also very secure and nursery was no issue, she went at age 2 for 3 hours a day.

I look back on those years very fondly.
It’s all up to you and you base it around your current circumstances.

I think it depends on the parents! We have 6 month old twins, an 8,9&15 year old and we have always just gone with our normal routine and the children have just slotted in.
the twins have a routine that they’ve pretty much given themselves but I’ve always just let them nap wherever they are just like I did the others.
we’ve been on one abroad and on uk holiday since they were born and have another booked two weeks abroad for later this year x

I honestly think it depends on what sort of babu you get. I gather some are very chilled out/nap anywhere etc.

I didn't get that variety and from birth to 2 was bloody hard work. He wouldn't just nap anywhere, didn't sleep well at night until 18 months and was not chilled in the least.
I wouldn't have gone abroad when he was young because it would have been torture on a plane and probably while there as well.

That said, he got infinitely easier after 2 years! He's 9 now and super easy going, loves going anywhere and everywhere with us, enjoys meals out etc. We are going abroad next week and can't wait 😀

So, in short, it really depends!

We have 5 kids all very close in age so we aren’t strict about nap times as there needs to be flexibility- however- I’m probably less lenient with things like bedtime than other might be. We have always travelled abroad and things since having kids.

I think it’s all very much down to individual families. There are things I would never do that others do and vice versa.

I don't think not many parents do like that.

@Juno999
Every single parent I know is figuring it out as they go along & doing what works for them & their baby - mostly by trial & error!

All babies/parents are different - you just have to give everything a go & see what happens - nobody's way is right or wrong. I second what others have said, though; a happy, settled, rested baby means everyone else is able to function & not lose their friggin mind!!

The worst thing any parent can do is judge another - that's just unnecessary bullshit that no-one needs! You never know what some parents are dealing with.

Our little cherubs were fairly portable & easy at times & downright Satan's spawn from hell at others. Personally, couldn't have entertained the idea of travelling abroad when they were little but happily took them on short UK breaks, out for meals, day trips, etc. We used to manage our expectations, though & were always prepared to 'cut & run' if shit went down! (Sometimes literally! 🤣)

Didn't really bother with much of a routine with DS. The expectation was that he'd fit into our lifestyle... and that's what he did. So he spent 6 months of his first year travelling abroad (shock horror!). He came with us backpacking, climbing and cycling (trailer). Now he's 6, he's slightly harder to bring along adventuring as like most kids he likes to whinge and say no. Like most kids, he's easily bribed though! Was much easier when he was a baby.

Op, when you’re several months in and so sleep
deprived you can think straight you get very obsessive with naps.

Your first is like a bomb has been chucked into your life, try not to judge.

Sleep is a vital requirement for both babies and parents so people end up doing whatever enables sleep for everyone. You can't just carry on without sleep as nothing is any fun and the baby will just cry and moan. Some parents and babies sleep easier than others. If there are 2 young toddlers or babies it's much harder again to juggle everything. Lots of people manage fine with one but struggle with 2. It's hard to imagine how the sleep thing becomes an obsession if you haven't experienced it but lots of parents have been sleep deprived for years. It becomes all consuming and incredibly stressful.

That sounds lovely but just so OP is aware , there are plenty of babies who will wake up screaming several times a night even in your bed and who scream in a sling as well. Unfortunately it's pot luck. I had one of each. First one bliss, second one nightmare.

Holidays with young kids can be a case of same shit, different location (and more ££££). I'm not a fan personally. We need to do some travelling abroad to see family but beyond that any holidays will be within about a 2hr driving distance of home until my toddler twins can be handed a snack and an iPad each.

I thought I’d be one of the “I won’t let a baby change how I live my life” people - how wrong I was 😆 I live around his routine now. Anything to stop him getting overtired!

I was very much “nothing will change” before DD turned up. Of course stuff did change but on the whole she came with us and we mostly cracked on with life as before. When she was a newborn she slept wherever we were when she wanted and then as she got older but still tiny she had a “routine” that she set for herself, in that she mostly ate and slept at the same times each day which gave us an idea of what to expect and when but I was never a slave to her routine, especially if we were out somewhere, so if we were in town and she was due a bottle soon I’d head to a cafe to get me a coffee and sort her bottle, if she was due a sleep when we were in a restaurant I might pop her in a pram and do a couple of laps of the car park to get her to sleep before dinner arrived, that sort of thing. It’s easy for me to say this, because she was a very easy going baby, this wouldn’t have worked if I’d had a baby who would only sleep in the dark in her cot in silence. We took her on a lot of holidays and trips away in her first year and the first one was the easiest by far, because at three months she stayed where you put her!! However she had and still has a totally different holiday routine, she’s four and hasn’t napped in the day regularly for two years, but in a couple of weeks when we go on holiday she will likely nap every day through a combination of late nights, heat and lots of swimming.

Got a 3yo and a 5mo. I'd take a baby less than 6 months abroad I reckon (I never did), but now not until they're older. Small children need routine and familiarity. A holiday park is a good bet for a break, where you can cook and keep some elements of home.

Travelling abroad wasn't a priority for us, we've travelled a lot anyway and babies involve carrying a lot of stuff. Plus you really don't want too much heat with a baby. We travelled within the UK, but flats are much nicer than hotels when you're staying in every night. We did naptime carefully, pushchair was fine until 2 but only wherever it was quiet. Not sure if age or covid broke the pushchair sleep pattern, but once broken it was just over and a bed was needed.

Everything's potentially achievable, but having a baby is quite a big deal and actually more significant than whether or not you get a week on a beach. You might realise you don't want the same life as before. If you really enjoy a lot of travel then it might be better to take a year or two out before having a baby and have all those adventures.

Have a DS5 and DD2. Stick to routines during the week for school, but holidays are relaxed and flexible. DS has been abroad 7 times (8 next month) would have been more but Covid! DD has been abroad 4 times.
We've never ever planned around naps and possibly down to luck, we now have chilled kids who are flexible and can go with the flow whether it's watching sunrises on the beach at 4am or Fireworks at Disneyland at 11.30pm! We just have a nap when needed. I couldn't stand being rigid and inflexible but apparently some kids just are.

I flew my the seat of my pants while I was on maternity leave. I let her nap when she wanted to to a certain extent and was really relaxed about going out with her, she a would sleep in the car/ in her buggy/on me.

However when I went back to work then napping at a certain time meant she would sleep at night at a certain time and the whole day and night was much more predictable. I need her asleep for the night by 7/7:30pm because I need to get myself sorted for the next day and off to bed to get a few hours sleep before she wakes up because I’m still feeding her at night.

So I suppose I’ve been in both camps depending on what suited us all better.

Ipads/tablets are a gamechanger for long journeys. The first actually enjoyable flight (3hrs) we had with our older DC was when they were old enough to be plugged into headphones and a tablet. I actually got to read my book and enjoy a drink in relative peace. You will get many folk claiming that it's your parental duty to entertain them with finger puppets and colouring in. Of course these things have their place, but a metal tube at altitude in close proximity to other people and without space to bend over and retrieve dropped pencils isn't it imo. Especially after the stress of packing and navigating the airport. It's your holiday too.

And of course travelling will be a lot less stressful if you no longer have a lap child trying to grab the scalding hot coffee of the grumpy passenger next to you or haring off down the aisle slap bang into the food trolley.

I didn’t have a routine, had my boobs and baby slept when tired and fed when hungry. I managed to take a just turned one-year-old backpacking around Sri Lanka for month, as well as having local camping trips in Wales before then. Other friends refused to go as far as the park at any given time because that was when little Johnny would nap. I couldn’t live like that.