Can I just say that life as an ugly woman is horrible.

[SundayMorningTeaForOne]

I’m going to get very personal, so I’ve name changed for this one.

I hope we can be grown-up about this topic and no one’s going to hit me with the ”everyone’s beautiful in their own way” or claim that I have self-esteem issues.

Anyway, when I was younger boys really wanted to let me know how ugly they found me, so often made comments when I walked by.

When older I was loading some stuff in the car and men walked by and made those truck in reverse beeb-beeb-beeb sounds, you know letting me know I’m fat.

When out, men don’t talk to me, I’m not saying they have to be interested in me - this isin’t even what I mean, they complitely ignore me, talk to everyone else around us/ table, I’m air apperently.

I’m turning 40 next year. Never been on a date, never even been asked out on a date. So if anyone here want to argue my ugliness must be in my head, what more proof do you need.

Getting older has woken me up to the fact that I’m not going to have kids, I don’t have enough money and only family members I have I my prent and the way that they are, they are not going to support me with a child, so I can’t have a child on my own.
I don’t have enough resourses.

I can’t ger over the fact that I’ve went through life and never been loved.
No one’s ever cared about me, no one saw me as someone they’d (at least try) want to share and build a life with.
Always doing everything on my own, how tired I have become, I didn’t even notice it until I felt totally broken.
My cat died almost two years ago, she was the only one I’ve ever said good morning and good night to, now I just say to an empty room.
How sad is that?!

I honestly don’t know what keeps me here, why did I stay here for all these years. To still be alone.
Everyday I get up and go for a walk, no matter the weather, and feel like an idiot for doing that.

And in case someone wants to jump and say I must have depression, I just want to remaind that this is my life, had been always.
I’m just getting it all out. I think anyone would be very extatic if this is how their life had gone.
I had hope when I was younger / was happier, years / decades roled by and it wore me down.
That’s it.

No they are not all ludicrous beings. But yeah, get a cat. And a dog.

Maybe his thought he ’should’ do better. By society’s norms or whatever. In the end it seems he did listen to his heart. Next time he enters your head at bedtime tell him to fuck off from all of us. You’ve obviously got it and it’s not about looks.

*he not his

@Oblomov23 looking ordinary and being objectively "ugly" are 2 very different things.

@Istanbulnotconstantinople72 has it right.

Some people have terrible bone structure. No amount of make up, weight loss, wardrobe, hairdressers etc is going to change that. I worked with a woman whose bone structure was terrible. Her eyes were never going to get closer together, her jaw line was never going to change. She would wear make up, do her hair, wear nice clothes but nothing could detract from how she looked.

@Scandipandi Thanks, I will❤

I agree: I was the same. I probably had daddy issues, but I know I had low self esteem I was the poor, ugly one of my friends and I too was a promiscuous youngster and in my early 20s. I had another go at it in my early 30s as well but I suppose I was always seeking something, attention, affirmation. I don't know what. I know I didn't achieve it and it just made me feel worse about myself.

Becoming a mother completed me. Sad cow I know but then I fell into my career and get a great deal of validation from that, so I'm lucky.

I think there's been some really good kind comments on here and it's really interesting to hear what individuals experiences of growing up attractive (or not) have had and although I don't have time to read all the comments I wonder how many parents of daughters have attributed any of the same feelings of low self esteem with social media as when I was young I had all these issues and I only had to contend with a few hot friends and you know, even they got the odd spot or bad hair day to make me feel better. The beauty standard rammed down the face of our young men and women nowadays are completely unachievable.

there's no wonder so many of our littlies have self esteem issues, really.

poor OP had comments shouted at her from passing cars. That's bad enough. We have children and trolls saying lord knows what to our eachother online.

the world is a dumpster fire 😩

To be fair, most are but you're right, not all.

Yeah, we need to raise our sons right.

Make up cannot disguise a massive nose or physically change any of my features nor will a new hair cut sort out my very thin hair. Been there, tried that and got even more insulted by the hairdresser who also asked me if I had a partner and then stopped herself by saying 'Or you have never had a partner have you ?' Yep. I felt great coming out of there let me tell you.
I like the idea of a support group. Nice to chat to people who understand and this thread has derailed sadly.

Hi @SundayMorningTeaForOne

sorry you are feeling down. Not sure if this helps/adds perspective but I feel exactly how you do, expect I wouldn’t consider myself ugly (I’m not model material either). I’ve had my fair share of male attention yet have never been truly loved and cared for. I also say good morning to an empty house. I just wanted you to know that I think a lot of relationships are luck. I doubt you’re alone because you’re ‘ugly’. Lots of people are alone simply because they’ve not clicked with the right person. I’m one of them.

*except

Agreed, if I ever found out my son had made some of the comments I have heard on this thread I would be mortified and horrified in equal measure.

@LilacRain12 She sounds nice. Please find a way to think this is not on you, it’s on her lack of social skills. You do not want to be like her. But a good hairdresser can do wonders, I know mine is an expert on alopecia. I’d never hear her talk to anyone like yours did.

I have a 21-year old son, with loads of friends. They are not like this. Neither are their fathers. Raised in a country where equality is everything, but still, I’d be horrified too.

So sorry that you are going through this OP. I did go slightly weird during menopause, so that doesn't help. It did settle down though. Can you pick one thing to change/try? Otherwise it can seem overwhelming. I found voluntary work great for getting me outside of my head. Sending you a warm hug over the interwebs, and wishing you goodnight. xxx

I just wanted you to know that I think a lot of relationships are luck. I doubt you’re alone because you’re ‘ugly’. Lots of people are alone simply because they’ve not clicked with the right person. I’m one of them.

Yes. I think when it comes to finding a partner, being physically attractive does give you some advantages. But it still really isn't a guarantee. When I was younger, not in my teens when I was deemed ugly, but later on, men were interested in me as some kind of trophy. Add that into a whole pile of other problems and I didn't meet someone really decent until I was in my mid 40s. And that was down to a fair amount of luck. I think it's luck, with a few created opportunities, for all of us.

Would you consider giving a loving home to a dog, or two dogs? As a plus they will be overjoyed to go on your daily walks with you.

It often occurs to me that our cats don't care what I look like at all, they just want companionship and kindness (and human servants).

Absolutely agree with this.
I am no oil painting. I have had abuse shouted to me from random people about my looks. At my old work place, I was referred to as "a dog". My own parents would never keep school photos of me.
My bone structure is terrible. My face is very asymmetric, and now I have dental issues which make me look even worse. I am also fat, which does not help.

But I have met someone (after many years of being single) who has also had abuse aimed at him too. But he is warm, kind, funny, a fab listener. He does not take himself seriously at all.

In the end it’s what is actually inside of that bone structure. That is what makes us, us.

I've been called ugly several times. A woman told an ex of mine not to stoop so low because I was really ugly.
The same ex told me he'd been embarrassed to be seen with me in public because of my acne at the time.
I was called a minger at school by one guy, a man on OLD told me I looked like a man.
Not trying to minimise your situation at all.
People however can indeed be disgustingly cruel. They deserve a taste of their own medicine.
It should be seen as unacceptable as being racist or homophobic.

Also got 'tranny' shouted at me at school.

This thread has played on my mind. For two reasons.

the poster claiming to be an elite weight lifter, I’d have expected to see some muscle definition in their arms when in that stress position and effectively lifting/pushing that bale, but there is none. They look a classic pear to me, where they carry their excess weight on their lower half, it would be more apparent in a front on photo, so their arms are relatively slim but oddly not toned, with little to no muscle definition.

the op, doesn’t wish solutions. She comes across as very unhappy , sad and resentful , so lots of people are trying to give advice on how to try to alleviate some of the issues she’s encountered/encountering, to try to make her happier going forward, but I think she just wanted to say it, but is not in a place she wants to try to improve her situation, or has any hope of doing so.

What this thread shows me us that many people do not want to accept truth if it is too difficult. Many are downplaying OPs struggles with others who are just plain/unattractive. Being ugly is different. Several people have given their own personal experience and mostly been ignored if they admit it is still a problem in their lives.

We would rather find flaws with the victims of abuse than acknowledge they have been treated badly. Research shows more attractive people are treated better, from jobs to relationship opportunities. Sometimes this isn’t fixable and that is okay, we don’t have to undermine others experience so we can feel better about humanity.

I am sorry others have been so horrible to you because of how you look OP.

With men you can't really win. They want beauty but also a beautiful personality. ( compliant). E.g- Barbie.

My own parents would never keep school photos of me.

Just reading that saddens me so much, @XenoBitch.
Such a lack of sensitivity in formative years, from the very people who should have your back.

But I have met someone (after many years of being single) who has also had abuse aimed at him too. He is warm, kind, funny, a fab listener. He does not take himself seriously at all.

Sounds a definite keeper! Pleased for you.