Can I just say that life as an ugly woman is horrible.

[SundayMorningTeaForOne]

I’m going to get very personal, so I’ve name changed for this one.

I hope we can be grown-up about this topic and no one’s going to hit me with the ”everyone’s beautiful in their own way” or claim that I have self-esteem issues.

Anyway, when I was younger boys really wanted to let me know how ugly they found me, so often made comments when I walked by.

When older I was loading some stuff in the car and men walked by and made those truck in reverse beeb-beeb-beeb sounds, you know letting me know I’m fat.

When out, men don’t talk to me, I’m not saying they have to be interested in me - this isin’t even what I mean, they complitely ignore me, talk to everyone else around us/ table, I’m air apperently.

I’m turning 40 next year. Never been on a date, never even been asked out on a date. So if anyone here want to argue my ugliness must be in my head, what more proof do you need.

Getting older has woken me up to the fact that I’m not going to have kids, I don’t have enough money and only family members I have I my prent and the way that they are, they are not going to support me with a child, so I can’t have a child on my own.
I don’t have enough resourses.

I can’t ger over the fact that I’ve went through life and never been loved.
No one’s ever cared about me, no one saw me as someone they’d (at least try) want to share and build a life with.
Always doing everything on my own, how tired I have become, I didn’t even notice it until I felt totally broken.
My cat died almost two years ago, she was the only one I’ve ever said good morning and good night to, now I just say to an empty room.
How sad is that?!

I honestly don’t know what keeps me here, why did I stay here for all these years. To still be alone.
Everyday I get up and go for a walk, no matter the weather, and feel like an idiot for doing that.

And in case someone wants to jump and say I must have depression, I just want to remaind that this is my life, had been always.
I’m just getting it all out. I think anyone would be very extatic if this is how their life had gone.
I had hope when I was younger / was happier, years / decades roled by and it wore me down.
That’s it.

This might sound profound if it didn't come from someone who was, earlier, accusing another poster of lying about being better looking than you if she refused to post a photo.

The clue's in the name.

I don't believe you are ugly @SundayMorningTeaForOne
I do believe you have low self esteem despite you saying you don't.

I also think- take it or leave it- that people who don't love themselves, warts and all- give out negative vibes that make people avoid them.

It's the reverse of women (and men) who try too hard to attract people.
There is a sense of desperation that they give off.
It makes other people avoid them.

The only way you can start to get all the things you want in life is to ditch the idea you are ugly.

You probably don't realise that your negative view of yourself creates an aura around you.

It's not a case of 'Im ugly so I've never had a date' it's more 'I think I'm ugly and therefore no one approaches me.'

And if this isn't patronising, maybe consider therapy and body dysmorphia. You aren't ugly, but you have convinced yourself you are.

Blurry distance photo of a woman in a gym, though.

This is sad to read. Lots of people men & women are not considered attractive and still have relationships. I wouldn't consider myself attractive, im blind in one eye, the muscle in that eye has now given up and leaves me looking like I'm squinting on one side. I also have a very deep scar running from my ear to my chin. I am happily married with children.
I got all the usual bullying comments as a teenager and they had an affect. Looking back I think I was very promiscuous when I was younger because I felt I had nothing else to offer.
That attitude Changed once I had children. I have a lot to offer. I'm funny, loyal, smart a great cook. My husband (who I'm aware would score higher than me on the looks front) is lucky to have me.
Don't let the comments of arseholes affect you like this. I don't believe for one second that you have no attractive qualities.
As for what you look like, all you can do is make the best with what you've been given. A haircut, makeup, diet can make a huge difference. It's not the be all and end all though.

Yes. And here's a photo of me popping out to the office. No filters, I promise.

@SouthernLassies but some people are ugly though, until you get to know them and if they are nice and you like them you don’t see it. They become beautiful. I’m not from England but lived there for a few years when I was younger. I sure as hell noticed a huge difference in how men looked at me, and I was without a doubt treated in a certain way. I thought it was stupid back then, and stupid still. It doesn’t have to be about being confident, I definitely wasn’t.

Fake picture. As if you can ride bareback.

Tell me you're insecure without telling me you're insecure. 😂

Have you been to the gym yet?

I disagree. No one is actually ugly. They may be plain. But there is usually something they can do to improve on what they have. And the OP has had masses of advice there. Hair, clothes, weight, make up. Any or all.

There are many incredibly 'plain' people who have a partner. They don't meet them by trying to 'date' but usually at a hobby they have in common- walking, choir, volunteering, dog walking, charity events, etc.

True beauty comes from within. It's about being a nice, kind person, who listens to other people, reaches out, is helpful, funny, wise, has a sense of humour, doesn't take themselves too seriously, is interested in the world.

Not everyone meets a partner by being 'pulled' because they are pretty or handsome. Many couples start out as friends, and love grows even when one of them might not be an oil painting.

We've all seen the photos of couples where one is gorgeous and the other is just 'plain' and think they are maybe not well matched. But you know what- one of them liked the other.

@GymShirk Please just stop. It's becoming tedious.

True beauty comes from within. It's about being a nice, kind person, who listens to other people, reaches out, is helpful, funny, wise, has a sense of humour, doesn't take themselves too seriously, is interested in the world.

True words. And real love has nothing to do with looks.

@GymShirk reported. Your posts are becoming incredibly insensitive and dim and have totally detailed this thread. Please consider the feelings of the original poster

@GymShirk Please just stop now. Do you have no social competence whatsoever. Your posts are insensitive, arrogant and taking away everything that is actually important about this subject.

We don’t care about your photos. We don’t care. Just stop now.

You are the insecure one. Not op, not all those who have posted their true feelings here. Ugly or not ugly. You go to the gym, so what. You feel the need to post pictures of you at the gym. But not of your face, which you say is ugly. Guess what, you are neither in a great shape or a bad shape. But it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. You don’t seem to be very nice, and I know for certain I’d prefer op’s company instead of yours.

She didn’t show a photo of actually lifting it, but no I am not requesting any more proofs.

I see this thread has become derailed, but just want to come on to at to the OP that you may not be good looking, but I’m sure you have some attractive qualities.

you see physically unattractive people with partners all the time, I’m friendly with an average looking woman, who’s husband is actually very unattractive physically but he’s a really nice person. They’ve been together years, have kids and are very happy.

I’d urge you to work on your confidence. Get yourself out there and speak to people, don’t let yourself be ignored and overlooked. You are worth taking to and getting to know, but when you’re less attractive you need to put yourself out there a bit so people can see your personality. I know it seems unfair the genes some get and others don’t, but there’s really nothing that can be done about that. We all have to make the best of what we have.

Well of course I remember it I was devastated, it's one of those things that pops in to my head when I'm trying to get to sleep.

Feel like OP and me need to start a support group because there are some fucking shocking posts on here. 'Oh I'm ugly too but I have a husband.' That can fuck right off. 'Just lose weight and do your hair' can fuck off even further.

Like they say, he is not paying rent to live on your brain. Somehow find a way to let him go. If he ended up with someone looking like you he probably was attracted to you, but couldn’t admit it at the time.

@Usedtolikefood still nothing useful to contribute with in this thread, or you just liked being rude?

This thread is odd. OP took on board little of the advice.

I know how it feels to be very ordinary looking, no one take any notice of you, because I had that in teens, 20's, a few boyfriends, till meeting Dh. I never had poor self esteem, but am very ordinary looking. But I still scrub up well, make an effort.

Op only did 2 posts, and her 2nd post about not wanting to put it down to poor self esteem is very telling.

OP, get a cat, cats make everything better. After your cat get some really good therapy. Life can be amazing no matter what you look like, you can have adventure and receive love through friends, men are ludicrous beings anyway.

I know what you are saying, I guess it comes and goes. I have no idea why he couldn't have admitted to liking me at the time if ha had. I think he genuinely thought he could do better. But you are right I should just forget it.