Can I just say that life as an ugly woman is horrible.

[SundayMorningTeaForOne]

I’m going to get very personal, so I’ve name changed for this one.

I hope we can be grown-up about this topic and no one’s going to hit me with the ”everyone’s beautiful in their own way” or claim that I have self-esteem issues.

Anyway, when I was younger boys really wanted to let me know how ugly they found me, so often made comments when I walked by.

When older I was loading some stuff in the car and men walked by and made those truck in reverse beeb-beeb-beeb sounds, you know letting me know I’m fat.

When out, men don’t talk to me, I’m not saying they have to be interested in me - this isin’t even what I mean, they complitely ignore me, talk to everyone else around us/ table, I’m air apperently.

I’m turning 40 next year. Never been on a date, never even been asked out on a date. So if anyone here want to argue my ugliness must be in my head, what more proof do you need.

Getting older has woken me up to the fact that I’m not going to have kids, I don’t have enough money and only family members I have I my prent and the way that they are, they are not going to support me with a child, so I can’t have a child on my own.
I don’t have enough resourses.

I can’t ger over the fact that I’ve went through life and never been loved.
No one’s ever cared about me, no one saw me as someone they’d (at least try) want to share and build a life with.
Always doing everything on my own, how tired I have become, I didn’t even notice it until I felt totally broken.
My cat died almost two years ago, she was the only one I’ve ever said good morning and good night to, now I just say to an empty room.
How sad is that?!

I honestly don’t know what keeps me here, why did I stay here for all these years. To still be alone.
Everyday I get up and go for a walk, no matter the weather, and feel like an idiot for doing that.

And in case someone wants to jump and say I must have depression, I just want to remaind that this is my life, had been always.
I’m just getting it all out. I think anyone would be very extatic if this is how their life had gone.
I had hope when I was younger / was happier, years / decades roled by and it wore me down.
That’s it.

You’ve got no ties op and you can do whatever you want, how lucky you are 😊

Personality is what makes people attractive, being good looking is just the foot in the door of attractiveness, it’s not the whole thing.

I reassessed my life at 40, I think that’s normal. You are still of an age you can get the things you want, good luck 😊

Too many of you are downplaying the impact of not being physically attractive. Yes, personality is important but you either need to attract someone before they know your personality or you need to retain them if personality is the first appeal

No one is doing op any favours by saying only horrible people are ugly. We are talking about physical looks here. Not personality, or soul.

Be practical for OP's sake

Yes, , realistically, if you're not unusually attractive then once you're past the first flush of youth, nobody approaches you as they just don't see you that way.
I'm 53 and in my youth I'd say I was a 6. I was attractive but there was always somebody more attractive in the same room. I didn't repel anybody. But I'm still going to be single forever, I know that. Not bothered to quote lauren tate. I'd like to be included in things more, couples even though they've been together since the year dot, they still wouldn't invite a single person along.

Beware of using "I am ugly" as an excuse or a mindset not to venture out, try new things, reach your potential, it is all too easy to write yourself off and not even bother because you're not as physically appealing as you think other people are. It's a dangerous attitude to lock into, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy,

it isn't about "well, all you need to do is try harder then you'll succeed", it's more about seeking inside yourself for things that you're good at and developing those talents. There is nobody in the world who can claim not to have a single thing going for them, or some strength. Once you discover that talent, you may find other things that you would otherwise have written off.

Most people are not beautiful though. Raw beauty is exceptional. Many people are quite plain and manage to find a mate. Good personality and a charming smile can really do a lot for a plain person's looks.

@ilyana I could have written your post! Completely agree about Meet Up! I have had some desperate experiences on that site. And as you say it's INCREDIBLY daunting to walk into a room full of strangers and go full on into conversation. A couple of groups I went to already had their own well established little cliques which it seemed impossible to break down. On top of that the costs really do start adding up, especially when you start factoring in transport etc. As you say.. an easy thing to suggest on paper.. but bloody difficult in real life.

Many people are quite plain and manage to find a mate.

There's a difference between being plain and being ugly.

Twenty pages and no more from the OP.

@ilyana I agree about meetup. I joined quite a number of groups, met some amazing older people but found a lot of cliques in some groups. One particular group just turned their back and ignored me and another newcomer to a knitting group so I scrapped that one pretty fast 🙂

Most people are not beautiful though. Raw beauty is exceptional. Many people are quite plain and manage to find a mate. Good personality and a charming smile can really do a lot for a plain person's looks

I agree but there is a wealth of looks between beautiful and unattractive. Plain and "ugly" are not the same.

Very true. Everyone's idea of pretty (average) and absolutely stunning varies as well.

Hmmm. That's been my experience too

Even new groups starting up, lots of people going in pairs and groups and no interest in including others

Twenty pages and no more from the OP

This is a person who wanted to offload anonymously, and this is the place to do it. As OP said, it's very personal. A variety of advice has been given but nothing will truly ameliorate OP's feelings. Give her a bloody break eh.

Aw I'm so sorry for how men have treated you, that's absolutely disgusting.

Keep going for walks. Get another cat, heck get 2! I have had many cats in my life and I'm the same age as you. Your heart finds room 💓 and they are the best companions.

As a fellow introvert, try to do some social events or groups - I LOVE alone time but feel better if I do a couple social things a month. I end up being glad I did it in the end.

And if you are ugly, so what? You sound like a beautiful person on the inside. Just try to eat healthy, exercise, have an epsom salt bath, do a face mask - things to look after yourself and it could help you feel better.

PS. Please read The Blue Castle by LM Montgomery! Your post reminded me of the main character's situation and it's such a great story!

That’s how I interpreted it too. A place to vent, to say what can never be said out loud in real life. Hope she found some comfort from knowing that others relate.

Reading this post makes me despise men.

So what if you don't fulfil what a man deems as beautiful?

Fuck that.

You deserve more for yourself regardless of what they think.

Also I love cats and I'm so sorry yours has passed away. Please consider getting another pet because there are lots that need love out there and it sounds like you have plenty of love to give.

Apologies if I misinterpreted it. I have a facial difference myself so am a little sensitive.

Sorry if I'm just repeating what's already been said, I couldn't read 20 pages!
I am sorry you feel that way though.
May I ask what it is about yourself you find ugly? Is it teeth, eyes, nose?
This is going to be an unpopular opinion but many things can be 'fixed' now without the need for surgery. I fixed my teeth and I changed my nose because I hated both, much happier with the ones I have now.
Good skincare, teeth whitening, good hair cut and colour can go a long way. Keep up the weight loss.
I think of somebody like Sarah Jessica Parker. A lot of people find her ugly and compare her to a horse, however she's married to an attractive male, she's very successful, excellent fashion.

Somebody like Camille Cottin who has a very large, protruding nose yet is considered highly attractive.
There are many people who have what might be considered 'unfortunate' features but who are very well put-together and well-groomed.
Things like having the right eyebrow shape for your face, decent false eyelashes, teeth whitening, good quality make up, a consultation with a stylist.
I know it all depends on money though.
You really don't have to feel like this forever.

How ridiculous. You read some anecdotal information from a handful of people's perspectives and that makes you despise the entire male species. Is that how you make decisions in life, leap to a drastic conclusion over something you've read on the internet.

I despair!

Absolutely. I've been looking at hiking groups...most are £30ish for a day hike. That's £120 a month just to go hiking once a week. Add in other meetups here and there, and you could easily be spending £200-300 a month to awkwardly socialise with strangers.

It feels like everything is expensive and difficult here. I've lived abroad and it was so much easier to go to meetup/expat groups for free or almost free. You could just look up what was going on that evening and go. Here, you need to book days in advance or the meetup is full. It's shite.

No it isn't.

I very much doubt the PP has formed a negative view of men on the basis of this thread alone. When women feel this strongly its usually the cumulative effects of decades of experiences of bad behaviour from men. And while obviously not all men ridicule ugly women and harass beautiful ones, it's clearly sufficiently commonplace for some women to have formed these strong opinions. If anything should make you despair, it's that enough men behave this way to have multiple women posting about the distress they've been caused.

Exactly. That's what is frustrating. People think it's that easy, just join a club and everything will be better. It isn't that straightforward and is bloody hard especially if you are an introvert or anxious. Before I got ill, I used to do exercise classes but everyone was in their own groups and I came away feeling worse. As someone mentioned upthread, many of those in couples wouldn't ever consider going to a new club alone where they didn't know anybody.
As for people judging, I know I shouldn't care but I do. I am the only single woman in their late thirties that I know and although my circle of acquaintances are pretty small, that's still an isolating place to be. I always feel like the spare part or a burden. It's a horrible feeling, that feeling of not being enough or being viewed as someone who has failed.
I remember when I was 29, my own mother said to me 'You should go and do driving lessons. If you pass your test, you can say you have achieved something by age 30.' Now educationally, I have achieved a fair lot. Good GCSES, did well at college, have a BA degree. But because I had never had a partner or kids, that wasn't enough for her. Which is why she also felt the need to lie to a family friend to pretend I was in a relationship with someone when I wasn't. Just so they didn't have to feel embarrassed. When your own family think like that, it makes it even worse. It's the worst feeling to know that's how they view you. Your own family. And you know it doesn't stop there either because others also judge. Just really tough to deal with.

I hear you.
people can tell you you're beautiful till you're blue in the face, but you know how you really, really know if you are or not? Fucking men. If they look through you, avoid you, talk to your friend but not you, make fun of you, or even act like the nice guy so you fall in love with them and then hope against hope that they feel the same, but they don't and end up going out with someone else you know while you die inside, all of these things chip, chip, chip away at you until you just give up . I'm done. I absolutely hear you.