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Original poster

Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room

209 replies

PlantsAndStuff · 29/07/2023 22:03

Will try to keep it brief but can clarify/answer questions if needed.
we have 4 children dd15, dd13, ds11, ds7. live in a 3 bed house private rent, 3rd room is box and not ideal but the boys share this with bunk beds, DH and I have one of the double rooms and the girls share the other.

Dd 13 is on the pathway for ASD diagnosis, gets overwhelmed easily, likes things neat and tidy, needs her own space, noise, mess and smells overwhelm her. but she is a high functioning, intelligent, kind girl. BUT her sister is naturally messy, a bit lazy and her putting dirty washing and food packets back into cupboards, drawers etc can make the room smell. she leaves things lying around etc.

We have had countless discussions about this but she is a teenager. DD13 just really struggles to manage this and they often argue.

a couple of weeks ago dd took an overdose after an argument with a friend at school, argument with dad, and an argument with DD15. She really does struggle without having her own place that is just hers.

There is no option to move house, and as we private rent cant split a room and due to the shape cant really divide them using curtain/storage boxes etc

If it was down to me i would sleep downstairs and let the girls have a room each. this would also benefit the boys as they wouldnt have to share box room.

DH is adamant that we cant do this. he says its not right that we dont have a room of our own when the kids can share and it just is completely unacceptable. I see where he is coming from, but it wouldnt be forever and im just so aware that dd13 is struggling and im scared of a repeat of her overdose.

any advice or opinions welcome

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
NewNovember · 29/07/2023 23:39

Get a triple bunk double on the bottom single on the top, two boys in the double and dd15 on the top. 13 year old in the box room. Or do the same in your your room with ds7 on top.

Ophy83 · 29/07/2023 23:41

Get rid of built in wardrobes and largest room is easily big enough to be partitioned or turned into two bedrooms.

Then either you move to bedroom 2 or put the boys there. A double bed is 135 x 190 so you could put that in smallest room. Preferably an ottoman bed or similar with inbuilt storage and wall lights either side so you don't need any more storage in your bedroom. It could even fit a king size albeit with little other space.

Batshit1 · 29/07/2023 23:41

I have 2 dds both ND and really struggle sharing a room and not having their own space. Ther little brother is 5 and has room to himself which just seems such a waste. I am also considering moving into the living room so dds have their own space but but sure how to make it work.

Youtoldmeonce · 29/07/2023 23:42

Do you have a garden? Could your dd have a go space in garden so she only has to sleep in the shared bedroom.

Youtoldmeonce · 29/07/2023 23:42

Go to space

Original poster
PlantsAndStuff · 29/07/2023 23:43

Ophy83 · 29/07/2023 23:41

Get rid of built in wardrobes and largest room is easily big enough to be partitioned or turned into two bedrooms.

Then either you move to bedroom 2 or put the boys there. A double bed is 135 x 190 so you could put that in smallest room. Preferably an ottoman bed or similar with inbuilt storage and wall lights either side so you don't need any more storage in your bedroom. It could even fit a king size albeit with little other space.

Double doesn't fit in there I don't know why maybe our house is slightly smaller we tried it already and that was just a divan.

OP posts:
Borris · 29/07/2023 23:47

Would you get a small double (4ft) in the box room?

Tiredtoday0 · 29/07/2023 23:57

I have spent allot of time looking into this myself.

Keep everyone where they are, no point moving everyone. Don’t move into the living room, split the largest room in two.

You need to do this In a way that creates a solid partition for sounds/smells etc. You can do this with the Ikea Kallax, which you then will need to board with plywood/mdf on one side, super easy to do B and Q will cut it to size for you in panels. It’s modular so you can make it as long/tall as you want, it’s only 35cm in depth. You could board half one side and half the other so both kids have access to the storage cubes. Put the Kallax unit on the wall without wardrobes. Looking at the measurements you should have more than enough room. If you want to have more light you could board it with Polycarbonate for the top few “cubes” of the Kallax.

I would also get both girls single loft beds. She might like a chill out/cosy space under the bed with a floor sofa/fairy lights.

You could also use an acoustic curtain which Ikea sell to further divide the space.

Put your youngest daughter in side near the window as she will be sleeping first.

Make it really personalised, her favourite colours/wallpaper. I have all these images saved for my own split room project so I’ve definitely thought all this through 😆.

Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room
Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room
Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room
Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room
Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room
KajsaKavat · 29/07/2023 23:59

I sleep in the living room, my 3 teens have the bedrooms, no say could I afford to rent a 4 bedroom house.

autienotnaughti · 30/07/2023 00:10

Definitely girls own rooms. Yr dh is being selfish

jgjgjgjgjg · 30/07/2023 00:20

Agree that your biggest room could easily be divided into two areas each the size of the current box room.

Gooseysgirl · 30/07/2023 00:22

Leave everyone where they are and get a shed/garden room as an extra living space where DD13 can be outside of bedtimes. I honestly don't think it will be good for anyone to be sleeping in the living area/kitchen spaces.

Batalax · 30/07/2023 00:24

I like the idea of the double bed under, with a single bunk above in your room. Ds can sleep on the top single but hang out in his brothers side of the split room during the day. Dd13 in the small room.

or dd15 on a high sleeper in the kitchen with storage underneath and a curtain for privacy. It’s better a collapsible table and chairs in the lounge than you and dh.

anonymousxoxo · 30/07/2023 00:25

GrethaGoat · 29/07/2023 23:26

I could not imagine not having my own space as a teenager. I would sleep in the living room yes or just not have more children than I could accommodate sorry to say.

I agree, it's very selfish and indulgent aswell.

anonymousxoxo · 30/07/2023 00:29

I will get flamed for this, but I really don't care.

I can't imagine working full time and then coming back home to not have my own room (forced to sleep in living room), how demeaning.. No room to relax and rewind. Everyone needs their own space, especially as a teenager but doesn't mean adults should get neglected. You shouldn't have had 4 kids either if you couldn't accommodate a house big enough for them. You can't make changes to the house you're in as it's rented. On top of that, you're helping someone else pay off their mortgage. What a pickle!

mathanxiety · 30/07/2023 00:31

Get a screen to divide the room.

Forbid eating in the room. Insist on dirty laundry going in a basket.

Make DD15 live like a civilised human being. You're doing nobody any favours by allowing her to create a pigsty.

A thought - is DD15 possibly on the spectrum too? Maybe ADD?

Iknowthis1 · 30/07/2023 00:33

Is there really no option to move house, ever?

readbooksdrinktea · 30/07/2023 00:37

I can't imagine how stressful this is, but your husband is not a dick for wanting his own space.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/07/2023 00:40

he says its not right that we dont have a room of our own when the kids can share and it just is completely unacceptable
Tell him it's not right that you haveore kids than you can adequately accommodate sleep-wise and it just is completely unacceptable.

Thisismyname33 · 30/07/2023 00:40

Could you put a dd in the box bedroom, 2 boys in the larger room (bunk beds) with possibly a trundle bed that you/your husband sleep on? And then the other room perhaps you and your daughter?

Rewis · 30/07/2023 00:45

I remember several of my friends having their parents bed in the livignroom with some type of curtain in front. Same with a few of my colleagues, not even the same health concerns bur want twhir kids to have their own space. I think in a case like this it's the best solution

Original poster
PlantsAndStuff · 30/07/2023 00:48

Tiredtoday0 · 29/07/2023 23:57

I have spent allot of time looking into this myself.

Keep everyone where they are, no point moving everyone. Don’t move into the living room, split the largest room in two.

You need to do this In a way that creates a solid partition for sounds/smells etc. You can do this with the Ikea Kallax, which you then will need to board with plywood/mdf on one side, super easy to do B and Q will cut it to size for you in panels. It’s modular so you can make it as long/tall as you want, it’s only 35cm in depth. You could board half one side and half the other so both kids have access to the storage cubes. Put the Kallax unit on the wall without wardrobes. Looking at the measurements you should have more than enough room. If you want to have more light you could board it with Polycarbonate for the top few “cubes” of the Kallax.

I would also get both girls single loft beds. She might like a chill out/cosy space under the bed with a floor sofa/fairy lights.

You could also use an acoustic curtain which Ikea sell to further divide the space.

Put your youngest daughter in side near the window as she will be sleeping first.

Make it really personalised, her favourite colours/wallpaper. I have all these images saved for my own split room project so I’ve definitely thought all this through 😆.

Amazing thank you :)

OP posts:
Original poster
PlantsAndStuff · 30/07/2023 00:50

anonymousxoxo · 30/07/2023 00:29

I will get flamed for this, but I really don't care.

I can't imagine working full time and then coming back home to not have my own room (forced to sleep in living room), how demeaning.. No room to relax and rewind. Everyone needs their own space, especially as a teenager but doesn't mean adults should get neglected. You shouldn't have had 4 kids either if you couldn't accommodate a house big enough for them. You can't make changes to the house you're in as it's rented. On top of that, you're helping someone else pay off their mortgage. What a pickle!

Circumstances haven't always been this way but thank you for your input

OP posts:
Fukuraptor · 30/07/2023 00:53

I watched a show on Netflix recently called "Hack my Home" where they did a few innovative solutions for shared rooms for kids. Obviously they were able to make more structural changes that wouldn't be possible for you (and went a bit pricey with custom solutions) but you might get some ideas that you can do less extravagantly. IKEA also often have design ideas for small multifunctional rooms.

I'm sorry that things are tough and I hope you can get a solution that meets everyone's needs.

I'm finding that decluttering is helping to keep spaces more manageable in my home at the moment and reduces agro between the kids. With so many people in a small space, anything that you aren't using/loving in this season of life really needs to go because space is at a premium. And organisation tips could help like putting a bin right where DD15 puts rubbish so it's easier to put it in the bin than stash it

You are doing the best you can in a tough situation. Mind mapping the different possibilities - even out of the box ones like moving to a different area, or even to a different three bedroom but where room sizes/shapes suit division better etc and looking at the floor plan together might help.

I'd consider moving into the living room if it was just me, but it's harder as a couple I think

SleepingStandingUp · 30/07/2023 00:53

Borris · 29/07/2023 23:20

Could you have a caravan on the drive for dd 15. Or I think the idea of your bedroom for dd13 day room and then sleeping in with her sister is a good one.

In social housing this would be a breech of tenancy, not sure in private. But also seems the best way of making DD feel like she's not really wanted any more and life would be better if she moved out