Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room

[PlantsAndStuff]

Will try to keep it brief but can clarify/answer questions if needed.
we have 4 children dd15, dd13, ds11, ds7. live in a 3 bed house private rent, 3rd room is box and not ideal but the boys share this with bunk beds, DH and I have one of the double rooms and the girls share the other.

Dd 13 is on the pathway for ASD diagnosis, gets overwhelmed easily, likes things neat and tidy, needs her own space, noise, mess and smells overwhelm her. but she is a high functioning, intelligent, kind girl. BUT her sister is naturally messy, a bit lazy and her putting dirty washing and food packets back into cupboards, drawers etc can make the room smell. she leaves things lying around etc.

We have had countless discussions about this but she is a teenager. DD13 just really struggles to manage this and they often argue.

a couple of weeks ago dd took an overdose after an argument with a friend at school, argument with dad, and an argument with DD15. She really does struggle without having her own place that is just hers.

There is no option to move house, and as we private rent cant split a room and due to the shape cant really divide them using curtain/storage boxes etc

If it was down to me i would sleep downstairs and let the girls have a room each. this would also benefit the boys as they wouldnt have to share box room.

DH is adamant that we cant do this. he says its not right that we dont have a room of our own when the kids can share and it just is completely unacceptable. I see where he is coming from, but it wouldnt be forever and im just so aware that dd13 is struggling and im scared of a repeat of her overdose.

any advice or opinions welcome

Do you have a garden where other than for sleeping (inside in the house) perhaps she could have a shed for keeping some belongings and having some quiet space away from siblings?

theres no room in our living room, we cant turn it into a bedroom for anyone. because me and DH dont actually spend any time in our room during the day, we just need literally a bed/ sofa bed. the kids need bedrooms for their things and to spend time in

You say your 7yr won’t sleep alone. Move him in to your room. Then you’re not always bunking in with your boys. Your 15y and 10y share and 13y gets own room.
You could manage like this for a at least a while until she’s feeling better

I can understand your DH perspective if I'm honest, you are paying to house everyone and yet get the really shitty end of the stick here so I wouldn't want to take the living area either. I would be expecting your other daughter to step up and be more considerate before considering that

Then the kid(s) could have your room during the day, but sleep in the lounge. If you get beds with storage you can put their night time things there too.

thank you, this is actually a very good idea

we did think about this so yes its an option

Can you use the biggest bedroom to put in one of those bunks that has an almost double on the bottom and single on the top? Put your 2 boys in the double and your older daughter in the top.

Put the 13 YO Daughter in the box room

You & your hubby in the other double.

My 2 boys always slept in the same bed due to the littles being scared (still do at 15 & 13)! They are honestly perfectly normal kids and lucky to have their own rooms but just naturally hang out and get in the same bed as they are used to it!

dont you have any ‘things’ too? Clothing, shoes, cosmetics, perfumes, books, bits and bobs ??

No way could I move all my stuff to the front room. There would be no space at all!

I struggle with the attitude that the person paying the bills gets the better sleeping arrangements. The 13 year old can't exactly contribute to the rent and none of this is anyones fault. I think DH needs to understand that 6 people in a 3 bed house of different ages and individual needs is going to require some compromise.

Like this sort of thing.. sure you can get them much cheaper than this Btw x

I think everyone’s being overly harsh on the 15 year old… the OP has already said she has possible ADHD so a lot of the issues in her room sound normal for a person with ADHD.

What are your bedroom walls made of? If they are just light partition walls, you could make the two big rooms into three smaller box rooms.

Could you not give your 13 year old your room to keep all of her belongings and use it as her own space, but then she does the actual sleeping in the room with her sister.

So to all intents and purposes she has 'her own room' just doesn't sleep there?

I might be shot down for this and seem weird but I will say it anyway..

It my suggestion of the triple bunk doesn't work then just put the 2 boys in a single bed bunk! Again they are little and this would be totally ok if everyone is ok about it! The little scared one will likely be the happiest then x

If you divided the largest bedroom in 2 the boys would still have roughly the same amount of room as they have at the moment and eldest could have the other side. Not ideal as someone wouldn’t have a window but might be do-able. Or could you divide off a small section of the living room for a single bed for the 13 year old?

You look like you have a good downstairs space between kitchen and living room. You can take space from the living room. Try Alara room dividers from B and Q. It's all screw in and slot.

You won't have natural light as your cut off will be before the window and no door. But it's still your own space.

I'm rather baffled at those people telling OP to put the kids in the living room.

Where are the parents meant to go when the kids go to bed??

How old are the boys? Is it really unthinkable that opposite gender cannot share rooms?
are their better pairs you could swap?
that bunk bed divider looked amazing.

what about the 15 year old having the living room. Maybe you could at least relocate her belonging and have her only in the bedroom to sleep?

Are you suggesting the solution is a 7 and 11 year old share a single bed? And their 15 year old sister has to share a room with them? Yes that’s bizarre!

OP would you get any priority for HA or council
house due to your daughters disability and mental health?

This sounds so difficult and stressful!

Controversial suggestion for mumsnet, but could you have them sharing boy/girl instead of boy/boy and girl/girl? Your youngest boy is presumably in bed fairly early so if dd13 was sharing a double room with him that bedroom would be quiet in the evenings as he'd already be sleeping. All playing done downstairs. The other dd and ds share the other double room and split both rooms as much as possible even if just a throw hanging from the ceiling. You and DH have the smallest?

For me, sharing a tiny room with my DH would still be preferable to sleeping in the living room.

I'd also instigate a strict rule that bedrooms are quiet places for relaxing and sleeping - all food, TVs, games, etc, should only be downstairs.

Could you move the dining table to the living room and put a sofa bed in the kitchen?

I appreciate not the nicest sounding scenario, but if it has a door would it afford you more privacy? Could you also partitions this off from the kitchen with a curtain in the evening so you aren't faced with looking at cupboards and the cooker and fridge etc?

That would be great but the boys don't really get on well always and the older one going to high school in august so wouldn't want to share a bed with his brother

Their bedroom I guess? 15 year old isn’t going to go to bed earlier than parents I doubt. It’s totally unfair for a 15 year old to have no personal space and nowhere to study though, unless the trim can be sectioned off

DD13 in boxroom
Parents in back bedroom next to bathroom.
Other 3 kids in largest bedroom split in 2 across width by large bookcase/unit.
2 boys in bunkbed nearest to door.
DD15 at window end.
Could also put a light curtain on a tension rod across the gap in the shared bedroom