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Original poster

Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room

209 replies

PlantsAndStuff · 29/07/2023 22:03

Will try to keep it brief but can clarify/answer questions if needed.
we have 4 children dd15, dd13, ds11, ds7. live in a 3 bed house private rent, 3rd room is box and not ideal but the boys share this with bunk beds, DH and I have one of the double rooms and the girls share the other.

Dd 13 is on the pathway for ASD diagnosis, gets overwhelmed easily, likes things neat and tidy, needs her own space, noise, mess and smells overwhelm her. but she is a high functioning, intelligent, kind girl. BUT her sister is naturally messy, a bit lazy and her putting dirty washing and food packets back into cupboards, drawers etc can make the room smell. she leaves things lying around etc.

We have had countless discussions about this but she is a teenager. DD13 just really struggles to manage this and they often argue.

a couple of weeks ago dd took an overdose after an argument with a friend at school, argument with dad, and an argument with DD15. She really does struggle without having her own place that is just hers.

There is no option to move house, and as we private rent cant split a room and due to the shape cant really divide them using curtain/storage boxes etc

If it was down to me i would sleep downstairs and let the girls have a room each. this would also benefit the boys as they wouldnt have to share box room.

DH is adamant that we cant do this. he says its not right that we dont have a room of our own when the kids can share and it just is completely unacceptable. I see where he is coming from, but it wouldnt be forever and im just so aware that dd13 is struggling and im scared of a repeat of her overdose.

any advice or opinions welcome

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
Boomboom22 · 29/07/2023 23:14

Is there no way you can get on a housing association or council list? Your kids are really overcrowded with mh conditions, you can be earning a good wage and be on the list at least? It looks like you could easily section off part of your living room, how high are your ceilings? If quite high why not get a double high sleeper with a proper sofa Underneath, either a futon or just a normal sofa if you can get a high sleeper. Then either you or anyone can sleep there.

Original poster
PlantsAndStuff · 29/07/2023 23:15

TaigaSno · 29/07/2023 23:09

This sounds so difficult and stressful!

Controversial suggestion for mumsnet, but could you have them sharing boy/girl instead of boy/boy and girl/girl? Your youngest boy is presumably in bed fairly early so if dd13 was sharing a double room with him that bedroom would be quiet in the evenings as he'd already be sleeping. All playing done downstairs. The other dd and ds share the other double room and split both rooms as much as possible even if just a throw hanging from the ceiling. You and DH have the smallest?

For me, sharing a tiny room with my DH would still be preferable to sleeping in the living room.

I'd also instigate a strict rule that bedrooms are quiet places for relaxing and sleeping - all food, TVs, games, etc, should only be downstairs.

Unfortunately you can't fit a double bed in the box room, it really is tiny

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 29/07/2023 23:16

Like this so it's above the window and you don't lose much floor space

Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room
Gaggley · 29/07/2023 23:18

DD15 and DS10 in the 2nd bedroom, with some demarcation of space. DD9 in a single in the same room as Mum and Dad in a double. DD13 in the box room. Given that parents are taking turns sleeping with the youngest anyhow, seems to make sense.

I know it's not ideal having opposite sexes sharing a room, but some privacy could be provided by curtains, dividers, other solutions mentioned here. It is better overall than the adults losing all privacy, which is not great for anyone in the long run. Keep working with all the kids about keeping their own space clean and tidy, never easy I know but when you have a lot of people in a small space,it has to be done. Good luck.

Boomboom22 · 29/07/2023 23:19

Basically put it over a sofa. I'm leaning towards your 15 year old sleeping there if you go to bed at the same time. She can use headphones and watch her stuff etc. But you need enough headroom so she can sit up and lean in bed, read, homework sprawled across etc. Prob a desk as well, only small.

Original poster
PlantsAndStuff · 29/07/2023 23:19

BrightBlueSea · 29/07/2023 23:13

DD13 in boxroom
Parents in back bedroom next to bathroom.
Other 3 kids in largest bedroom split in 2 across width by large bookcase/unit.
2 boys in bunkbed nearest to door.
DD15 at window end.
Could also put a light curtain on a tension rod across the gap in the shared bedroom

This would be good but the room isn't big enough for the beds like that, and there's a built in corner wardrobe

OP posts:
Borris · 29/07/2023 23:20

Could you have a caravan on the drive for dd 15. Or I think the idea of your bedroom for dd13 day room and then sleeping in with her sister is a good one.

longestlurkerever · 29/07/2023 23:24

I saw a picture on Facebook of a zig zag room divider with bunk beds. I'll see if I can find it. Would need a clever joiner but could be worth it

Original poster
PlantsAndStuff · 29/07/2023 23:24

Gaggley · 29/07/2023 23:18

DD15 and DS10 in the 2nd bedroom, with some demarcation of space. DD9 in a single in the same room as Mum and Dad in a double. DD13 in the box room. Given that parents are taking turns sleeping with the youngest anyhow, seems to make sense.

I know it's not ideal having opposite sexes sharing a room, but some privacy could be provided by curtains, dividers, other solutions mentioned here. It is better overall than the adults losing all privacy, which is not great for anyone in the long run. Keep working with all the kids about keeping their own space clean and tidy, never easy I know but when you have a lot of people in a small space,it has to be done. Good luck.

This could work if necessary, thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
PlantsAndStuff · 29/07/2023 23:25

Borris · 29/07/2023 23:20

Could you have a caravan on the drive for dd 15. Or I think the idea of your bedroom for dd13 day room and then sleeping in with her sister is a good one.

We've thought about caravan (mainly for space but potentially for sleeping when dd is older. Will look more into it

OP posts:
GrethaGoat · 29/07/2023 23:26

I could not imagine not having my own space as a teenager. I would sleep in the living room yes or just not have more children than I could accommodate sorry to say.

HopityHope · 29/07/2023 23:26

We had a similar layout, and could just fit a double in the box room. Without a head board and it touched wall on 3 sides, but if you did that, your 2 DDs could have your room and your others two the second double. More room to try and get some dividers up and stop you having to sleep in the living room. Packing bedding away each night won’t work I promise

longestlurkerever · 29/07/2023 23:26

longestlurkerever · 29/07/2023 23:24

I saw a picture on Facebook of a zig zag room divider with bunk beds. I'll see if I can find it. Would need a clever joiner but could be worth it

https://www.mattressnut.com/bunk-bed-room-dividers/

Bunk Bed Room Dividers - What are they, Pros/Cons, and DIY

An in-depth guide to bunk bed room dividers. Topics include: What are bunk bed room dividers? bunk bed room dividers vs. curtains? DIY tips & more.

https://www.mattressnut.com/bunk-bed-room-dividers

Ineedacoffee · 29/07/2023 23:26

I think the idea of having the kitchen double up as a bedroom might be best. If you had a curtain to draw from left of the door to the french doors and put the dining table in the living room - but put one of the girls in there - not you and dh either in a high bunk with storage underneath or a day bed type arrangement. Theres more privacy, everyone has a window. Alternatively some sort of external accommodation - caravan or similar?

HopityHope · 29/07/2023 23:27

Cheap old school caravan might work if you’re happy about the security of people finding out your teenager lives in there etc

easilydistracted1 · 29/07/2023 23:27

I've managed perfectly well before on a part time basis with sleeping on a living room sofa to allow a child to have a bedroom. However I don't think it would work well at all with your layout or family lifestyle. My autistic wife would HATE it full time.

It looks like there are ways you divide the rooms for everyone to have more space and that would be suggestion number one.

If one of you is always in with the 7 year old, does it not make more sense for tour dh to share with them and you share with your 13 year old? Then 15 year old have the box room? Not great for a marriage but you don't seem to share much the moment anyway and your dd is having a really difficult time.

Can you definitely not fit a small double sofa bed in the box room for you to share. There are some amazing (expensive) ones from companies like furl which have storage arms you just stick duvet and pillows in. Folds out extremely quickly or even with an electric mechanism if you win the lottery.

Basically I would try everything as an alternative to downstairs that allowed you to meet both your dd and husbands needs. I wonder if you could even get some professional advice about options

Fuckingfuming1 · 29/07/2023 23:27

Mine had no additional needs and i still did this to give them more space. Your DH is a prick

Original poster
PlantsAndStuff · 29/07/2023 23:29

GrethaGoat · 29/07/2023 23:26

I could not imagine not having my own space as a teenager. I would sleep in the living room yes or just not have more children than I could accommodate sorry to say.

Fab idea I'll do that

OP posts:
ButterCrackers · 29/07/2023 23:30

Could you use your dining room/kitchen as the main downstairs room. Your room is the sitting room but with a proper bed. The kids upstairs.

JudgeRudy · 29/07/2023 23:30

PlantsAndStuff · 29/07/2023 22:03

Will try to keep it brief but can clarify/answer questions if needed.
we have 4 children dd15, dd13, ds11, ds7. live in a 3 bed house private rent, 3rd room is box and not ideal but the boys share this with bunk beds, DH and I have one of the double rooms and the girls share the other.

Dd 13 is on the pathway for ASD diagnosis, gets overwhelmed easily, likes things neat and tidy, needs her own space, noise, mess and smells overwhelm her. but she is a high functioning, intelligent, kind girl. BUT her sister is naturally messy, a bit lazy and her putting dirty washing and food packets back into cupboards, drawers etc can make the room smell. she leaves things lying around etc.

We have had countless discussions about this but she is a teenager. DD13 just really struggles to manage this and they often argue.

a couple of weeks ago dd took an overdose after an argument with a friend at school, argument with dad, and an argument with DD15. She really does struggle without having her own place that is just hers.

There is no option to move house, and as we private rent cant split a room and due to the shape cant really divide them using curtain/storage boxes etc

If it was down to me i would sleep downstairs and let the girls have a room each. this would also benefit the boys as they wouldnt have to share box room.

DH is adamant that we cant do this. he says its not right that we dont have a room of our own when the kids can share and it just is completely unacceptable. I see where he is coming from, but it wouldnt be forever and im just so aware that dd13 is struggling and im scared of a repeat of her overdose.

any advice or opinions welcome

That's a tough one. You say it wouldn't be forever but it would actually be for a bloody long time....years in fact!
Realistically you need to decide which scenario would be the most unpleasant/harmful
Your daughter's continue to share,
You resent your husband for not putting your children first
You and your husband take the lounge and he resents you
You and your husband separate because you can't agree.

Is the living room separate from the rest of the house eg would you need to walk through it to get to the kitchen, could you walk in the front door and go straight up stairs?

Are you sure the room can't be divided somehow. Maybe yours is a little smaller but can he divided better.

And finally, whilst your youngest daughter is of concern don't make it all about her. Your older daughter has just as much right to a private space too. I mean she's having to share with a special needs kid. I'm guessing she'll have GCSEs coming up soon too and now she's got her weird kid sisters in with her and she might be concerned she'll kill herself. That's a lot of pressure!

Trying to think outside of the box here. Are you in a position to build a shed/summer house, even a battered caravan in the garden? I bet your boys would love that. Or start looking for ideas to split a room eg https://youtube.com/shorts/hGizB5P0wM0?feature=share
Failing that, give Nick Knowles a call!

Good luck.

Before you continue to YouTube

https://youtube.com/shorts/hGizB5P0wM0?feature=share

longestlurkerever · 29/07/2023 23:33

This is harsh. Op's DH likely struggles in the same way as his DD. There's not an easy solution

longestlurkerever · 29/07/2023 23:34

Some quite horrible statements there.

LemonLight · 29/07/2023 23:34

How big is your loft? Can you do a loft conversion and move the boys up there and give your daughter the box room? I don't think moving yourself and your husband in to the lounge is a good idea, you're better off addressing your dd15 behaviour.

Merryoldgoat · 29/07/2023 23:34

@PlantsAndStuff

If you put a divider like a 5x5 kallax to create a kind of hallway you can put a bed behind it away from view even when the door is opened. Then a unit at the end to store clothes. I’m no artist but this hopefully illustrates what I mean. Your 15yo could go here? Then 13yo has proper space?

Parents sleeping in living room so child can have own room
BungleandGeorge · 29/07/2023 23:34

Out of all the options I think a decent divider in the kitchen might be your best option. Put a high sleeper in that space. It will be private and quiet, put 15 year old in there. You can have a fold up table and chairs in the living room. Losing the table is going to be the least inconvenient. Then your 13 year old can have the box room, boys a larger room and you keep your bedroom

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