To be upset she changed her mind?

[Primgo]

I'm really confused over if I'm being completely unreasonable to be upset about this.

I basically got into quite bad financial trouble because I owned my own business for many years but got seriously ill and went out of business while I was ill.

I ended up unable to pay rent etc so I have been staying with people for about a year.

All this was very hard to cope with. I'd always done well and losing everything while being so ill was hard and I still feel completely depressed all the time.

To cut a very long story short, my sister (very happily) agreed to help me out by being a guarantaur on a loan to help me sort out the various problems.

Not a huge loan by her standards as she's very wealthy.

On the day due to sign the papers, she changed her mind.

I'd arranged everything around the understanding she was doing this and now I'm completely screwed and whatever problems I had before are now 10 x worse.

I wish she'd just said no to begin with rather than waiting until the day to do it.

She wasn't apologetic, she was sort of mean about it. Judgemental. And I just feel incredibly let down.

Am I being unreasonable here? I know nobody owes you to guarantee a loan, but I just feel absolutely bereft and panicked.

I think I’d actually be tempted to talk to somebody about what she’s done. If she’s charging you a rate that is three times the original loan that’s literally unauthorised lending, extortion and loansharking. I’m going to assume that she’s not regulated by the FCA.
Once you have the money and you’re able to sort yourself out.

Go back to her and explain you will be paying back exactly what you borrowed And, not a penny more. If she objects you’re more than happy to have the conversation with the police.

Is it not just the timing that makes it higher? Ie repair I’ve one year rather than three?

It does sound like she's backed you into a corner over the re payments. You say part of it was for your DD for uni is it possible or is she paying you back at all ?

I think she’s shafted you terribly. I can’t see how your relationship can recover after this.
Have some compassion people.

That probably needs to be established.

but again, as she isn’t regulated by the FCA, she’s not really in a position to be dictating re-payment terms is she ?

Good for her. She did the right thing in the end. You must be so relieved.

She gave me a repayment plan that will be almost three times what the loan repayment would have been.

For less the money? If this is true she's absolutely taking the piss and taking advantage of your situation. If at all possible I'd reject her "offer" and find an alternative, but I know you're quite stuck atm. Hopefully you'll be able to get back on your feet, clear the debt and put it all(and her) behind you.

There's no interest. She just wanted it back very quickly which has given me a huge monthly repayment to make.

And I had covid. I was in hospital for several weeks. After I came out, it was around a year before I could even walk to the shops. I had memory issues, persistent pneumonia infections- which often spread to other infections- skin, bladder, kidneys. Immune system just completely broken. Back and forth to hospital.

Of course I didn't lose my business on purpose. Why would someone do that?

Number of times in two years my sister even visited me = 0

Just the odd phonecall. And my friend loaned me money generously because she said my family are horrible and selfish and I'm starting to think maybe she's right.

Repaying quickly will be better in the end.

Not paying a high interest rate will make a difference.

And she didn't see the contract until the last minute because I couldn't apply until I had three months pay slips and proof of address/electoral roll etc so it was my first time seeing it myself.

It wasn't the specifics she had a problem with, it was the concept entirely. Which is fine, people can say things and change their mind but I don't get why I'm made the bad person.

Oh yes, and she told everyone we know that she's lending me money. Just to make me feel even worse and more embarrassed.

TBH, I'm going to sit here tonight, find a second job, pay this off in a few months and then just completely stay out of everyone's way in future.

hugest hugs OP

It is tough. Not as desperate by any means, but we have family insist that they were going to give us ££s as a wedding present. I was incredibly skeptical but my husband (his family) insisted that they would never make that sort of promise if they did not mean it. He insisted (on that basis) that we should pay for a higher spec kitchen (which while family money, was from the proceeds of selling my house before we got married). We spent substantially more than I was happy spending because of this promised money. And the money never arrived. I was so annoyed, because financial commitments that would never have been made ended up being made. Yes, we'd have spent money but on a less 'fancy' kitchen. It was a source of frustration for a while.

No one owes you money, but they do owe you honesty. And it is even worse when people use promises (the promiser of the ££s was also quite keen on the over fancy kitchen) to encourage you to stretch yourself financially in ways you would not have done.

Essentially, your sister's offer and the rest of her behaviour around it has caused you greater financial hardship than you would have been in had she just said no.

Thanks everyone for the reasonable replies and support. Deep down I'm mostly relieved I can sort the problem and I'll deal with everything else. I'm going to log out now because people being mean isn't helping and I've got to work today.

How annoying!

Great post.

Good for you. That will make everything much better and make you stronger in the future.

This happens so afternoon family is it really does. My brother and sister-in-law I’ve had a carrot hung over them have a sum of money they’re getting through from a will. They’ve bought a house that needs a lot of work on the basis of that and still no sign a year later

So does your sister understand how ill you were? If she didn’t visit you, why was that? Good reasons or didn’t care? Did you ask her to help you out financially during your illness? If she said no, why not? Good reasons or just didn’t care? Did anyone in the family help you? Do you really think it’s better to be paying off a loan with interest to a commercial lender, than an interest free loan to someone who is unlikely to be taking you to court should things not work out? Is she actually being horrible to you? Do you really believe someone loaning you money interest free is selfish? Look, if you were my sister, I wouldn’t hesitate to help you if everything is just as you’ve said in your posts, but you don’t seem to be even remotely nuanced or balanced in the way you describe your sister, she is just the irredeemable bad guy in the scenario.

Your sister sounds manipulative and spiteful, possibly envious of you. There is zero need to tell people that she is lending you money. She is kicking you whilst you are down. You may be down now, but you will rise again and prosper. Wishing you and your daughter all the best.

No. I don't expect people to help me or lend me money. But if they offer to and I make bug decisions around it, then it's crap to wait until I can't change things to force me into a bad position.

I agree on this point OP.

Funnily enough it reminds me of something that happened in the tv show "Bad Sisters". The sisters all hated their sister's husband and it gave the story of what he did to all of them. He strung the little sister along saying they (her sister and him as her BIL) were going to lend her money and then he pulled out saying it wasn't going to work but she'd signed a lease or something based on what he'd said.

@Primgo

I'm really sorry you are experiencing this awful treatment from your 'D'Sis. It's unconscionable behaviour & is almost certainly a follow on from a childhood dynamic & is a result of her issues, not yours.

Of course emotionally, this is very difficult. However, I would focus on the practical side.

She has given you a certain amount of money. You should now make a plan for repaying her, and communicate it in writing - but do what suits you not her. She's unlikely to try & pursue you legally. Do not rush to put yourself under pressure to repay her - do it reasonably & ensure you will repay her, but take back control in this situation.

After that, never tell her another thing, and do not communicate beyond what you consider essential.

I hope you'll be able to get back on your feet, I'm really sorry for what you've gone through 💐

I know this sounds like a wanker thing to say but I know for a fact the entire loan is less than a bonus she got at work last month. She's got 5x the amount sitting in her bank, and if the boot were on the other foot I'd give her the shirt off my back. I'd just lend her the cash myself. Maybe that's an awful thing to say but I wouldn't think twice.

Even if I died or something and couldn't pay it back, the monthly repayment is pittance to her. It really is. So it just feels like all she had to do was sign a paper. It won't affect her credit rating. It won't affect her at all. And I'm really struggling with what I'm going to do now.

Hmmmm, I think I'm with your sister on this. You seem to think that she has no right to do what she pleases with money she earns - you express quite an entitled attitude to her money - as if you're entitled to it!

If your attitude to her IRL is anything like that which you've expressed here, then - gosh, I'd find it hard to trust you.

Oh for goodness sake! What kind of a sister earns that much money & cannot meaningfully help with a £6500 loan, instead of leading her up the garden path & providing money with so many conditions?

Equally, OP had no expectations but didn't want her sister to renege on being guarantor at the last minute, leaving OP with additional financial commitments & no options?

The sister is horrendous.

. It's unconscionable behaviour & is almost certainly a follow on from a childhood dynamic & is a result of her issues, not yours.
Bit of a reach @EarringsandLipstick no?
I agree the DSis shouldn’t be moving the goal posts at such a late stage but what makes you think there’s a deep rooted psychological issue at play?

Neither the OP nor the sister had sight of the loan agreement until the point of signing. How do you know it wasn’t the OP misleading the sister as to what she was potentially getting into being guarantor? Your advice is now to accept the sister’s offer of an interest free loan on repayment terms, but to not actually stick to the terms and for her to make up her own. The sister can sing for it, and remain firmly as the bad guy if she complains. And it’s the sister who is the manipulative one. Ok.

The sister lead no one up the garden path.
Op showed her the loan paperwork the day before it was needed.
I suspect it had some pretty awful loan terms and interest rates and she decided not to go ahead and has loaned Op the money instead.
Horrendous?😂
No -sensible.
These threads are a workbook into why people get into such financial issues and the entitled attitudes they all have.
The main issue is that the Op is ashamed, can't deal with the uncomfortable feelings and so is projecting this onto her " awful" sister.
So awful she has stumped up 6.5K, to pay back a loan and for uni accommodation
What a cow eh?

@Denimdreams she didn't lend her the whole sum, it was less and at a higher rate that OP is comfortable paying as she wants it back quickly. Since she left OP in the lurch(after encouraging her to spend money and make plans based on her agreement), because all of the sudden she researched guarantor loans and she doesn't like them OP now has to agree to those terms. Not just that but she's also telling everyone she's lending OP money.

It's not exactly all kindness and sunshine and rainbows.