To be upset she changed her mind?

[Primgo]

I'm really confused over if I'm being completely unreasonable to be upset about this.

I basically got into quite bad financial trouble because I owned my own business for many years but got seriously ill and went out of business while I was ill.

I ended up unable to pay rent etc so I have been staying with people for about a year.

All this was very hard to cope with. I'd always done well and losing everything while being so ill was hard and I still feel completely depressed all the time.

To cut a very long story short, my sister (very happily) agreed to help me out by being a guarantaur on a loan to help me sort out the various problems.

Not a huge loan by her standards as she's very wealthy.

On the day due to sign the papers, she changed her mind.

I'd arranged everything around the understanding she was doing this and now I'm completely screwed and whatever problems I had before are now 10 x worse.

I wish she'd just said no to begin with rather than waiting until the day to do it.

She wasn't apologetic, she was sort of mean about it. Judgemental. And I just feel incredibly let down.

Am I being unreasonable here? I know nobody owes you to guarantee a loan, but I just feel absolutely bereft and panicked.

Why? Would you only lend money to someone who thought you couldn’t afford to?

I've been in your position with serious debts, some were my fault, others not, and its horrid, I do think it's scummy DSis backed out at last minute, even worse considering she's financially comfortable.
I've also been seriously ill, after I'd got back on my feet financially and fortunately had a job with decent sick pay.
Those accusers on this thread might do well to realise its very easy for things to come crashing down with a simple illness never mind a serious one.

Hope you manage to sort stuff for DD uni etc, and good luck sorting the debt.

If I had spare time I'd set myself up as a ftms help, so I'd go in a do the washing up, let mum have a bathroom break, etc, do the gardening .... I do it voluntarily if I could afford it, but currently neither the time or money...just a thought for moneymaking scheme 🤔

I really feel for you OP - I was in a very similar position a decade ago, when I suddenly became ill and everything imploded. Unless people have had to cope with something totally unexpected and cataclysmic happening they seem to have zero comprehension of what is actually involved. When you unexpectedly find yourself in a shit situation - through no actual fault of your own - you don't have much room for manoeuvre. I don't suppose that you liked borrowing money in the first instance, but it was probably the least shit of the choices that were available to you at the time and I'm sure that all of them were equally shit. Added to that you had to make important decisions when you were very ill but still had to keep things together as far as you could Your sister sounds like a complete cow - why did she not step in to help you before? Suddenly pulling the rug from under your feet at the last moment is totally unforgivable, especially when she probably knows what you have already been through.

Please visit the CAB so that you can talk all of this through with someone who might be able to suggest options you haven't thought of. I think if you are now working again and earning enough to pay rent and other outgoings, plus pay back a loan with probably a pretty high rate of interest, you're doing amazingly well and probably far better than most of the people expressing very judgey and unsympathetic opinions on his thread would manage were they placed in a similar situation! You will get through this and things will get better but I can really appreciate what you are currently going through. Look after your health and try not to get too stressed - easier said than done I know - and take all of the help you can get! Good Luck OP I have my fingers crossed for you and I know that you'll win in the end!

There is no interest rate on the loan as her sister has loaned the money interest free. OP is unhappy that she has less time to pay (she hasn't said how long her sister has given her - could be five years for all we know). The loan companies can give you a very long time to pay, but the interest rate is usually ludicrously high. So, in the long term her sister has done her a huge favour.

OP is panicking right now. That is why she says her sister changed her mind last minute. There was no last minute or deadline just a timeline created by OP herself.

Because of this understandable panic OP cannot think long term because in her mind she has to resolve everything now, but it never works that way. With debt there is no quick fix (wealthy sister plugging the gap) just a long hard slog to work through it.

If I was the sister I think I would be so resentful that my sibling was blaming me for her situation which I had nothing to do with. A lot of siblings I know only see each other once in a blue moon let alone give each other tons of money. Sis has absolutely no obligation to OP whatsoever.

I don't think people are so much judging OP as giving her a reality check. Her sis can't make this situation all right for her as there will always be something else to deal with - it is always like that with money. When you have a crisis like this you have to find other ways of working through it. I have been there myself. I thought I would lose my house - thankfully, I didn't but I had to find a way to keep paying for it when I had nothing.

OP, you honestly don't need your sister to get yourself out of this hole. I would try not to focus on what she has because it will just make you feel bad about your own situation. Concentrate on what resources you do have. I won't lie and tell you it's going to be easy because it won't be. PPs have given you some suggestions of organisations to contact. I wish you the best of luck.

I hadn't seen OP's post regarding her sister's belated decision to loan her some money when I posted, but previously OP had stated that she would be repaying the loan that her sister had originally offered to guarantee. Doubtless, that would have incurred a high interest rate and that is what I was referring to.

When you are in the position in which OP found herself there are rarely any ideal solutions - you simply have to go with what appears to be the least bad at the time and yes, you are often forced to make important decisions when you are feeling ill, stressed and panicked which never helps. I think whichever way you look at it, OP found herself in a dreadful situation through no fault of her own and her sister's 'help' - or lack of it - has simply made everything worse.

I think a lot of people would do well to imagine what they would do and how they might react if they were single, suddenly became seriously unwell, with a subsequent loss of income and they had to deal with their whole lives falling down around them. If they did so, I think they would probably realise how upsetting it is for OP to read their 'would have, could have, should have' posts that offer no solutions but merely make the OP feel even more stressed, helpless and ashamed than she already does. Not helpful, not helpful at all!

I’m sorry OP for what you’re going through and what you’ve been through. Your sister does not sound very nice. If I was her I’d give you the money, doesn’t sound like she’d even miss it when she just got a bonus. Good luck

Agree she is wrong to change her mind at the last minute…if you say yes you should think it through and commit